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When family uses family

Updated on January 6, 2012

Author: W. K. Hayes

Avoid being used by family

Relationships are very complicated. Even worse, one sibling will become lax in their responsibilities and they will begin pulling on their siblings love to milk them for money, shelter and things that cost money. After a while, that sibling's lack of responsibility puts a strain on the relationship until there is not one left worth trying for.

The same thing happens in a marriage. If the man is working all the time while his wife does nothing to contribute to the family, the man will soon resent her and the love will fade. The same is also true of women with men that do not work.

It takes teamwork to make a family work. Any good relationship is about helping one another. Families need to be there, for one another and work together. Unfortunately, some family members take advantage of this.

Foolishly, I made the mistake of paying my brother's rent for five months while he looked for a job, which, he never did. Finally, after that time, I told him the free ride was over. I went in debt trying to give him a fighting chance while he spent day after day playing video games and making excuses for why he didn't work.

As for my, other brother, I tried helping him any way I could but his continual lies became more than I could bear until I distanced myself from him. This was never what I wanted but it became necessary.

Family lacks in being a family anymore. However, sad it is very true. Most have forgotten what family is or how important it is to have family. Family should be able to count on one another but such is not the case, it seems.

All too often, family does not exist, in this day and age thanks to, drugs, laziness, and selfish interests. If you see this endless cycle of self-destructive behaviour on the behalf of your family members...pull away from them or they will take you for everything and leave you with nothing.

As for ways of mending a family, there really is no way to fix a family, per say and hoping for better behavior out of a family member by helping them, time and time, again will lead nowhere. Unless that person makes drastic changes and each family member learns to respect their family by taking care of themselves, and their loved ones, it will not work.

Some people refer to these problems as crutches…but when the loving family member becomes the crutch, it will drain them until they are no longer able to ebar the load. Love each other, look out for one another, but never use that love against each other.

 As adults, we struggle every day with paying bills and taking care of our own families. Trying to support an adult is a fool's errand. Laziness is an addiction and just like any drug, if you enable it, the addiction will remain.



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    • W. K. Hayes profile image

      Warren Keith Hayes 7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Hopeful Poet...what you say is true and the way it should be. However, reality is that most single income homes live in abject poverty. In today's economy, especially, it takes both partners working just to break even...especially for younger couples. Raising children is a full-time job but so is taking care of the overall household. From my own experiences, it was easy for me to become jealous of working two full-time jobs while she sat at home and complained I wasn't making enough money although I was bringing in over $1200 a week, while she did nothing to help. She got to watch soaps, hang out with her friends and spend time with the kids while, I was working over 80 hours a week. No, it was anything but true love. Still, in order for a couple to financially plan for retirement and their childrens education, both parents should work. There really is no reason not to with the exception of having children from ages 0-4...after that, both parents should always work or they will have nothing to look forward to in the end. Even getting past that, if he were to get killed on the job, or her...what would the other person do? They wouldn't have a career, they wouldn't have insurance for the children and they wouldn't have any kind of 401K for emergencies.

    • TheHopefulPoet profile image

      Jennifer 7 years ago from Florida

      Sure any one can have money problems and I agree that both partners in any committed relationship should do their part to contribute monetarily if that is necessary or simply desired. I personally have been a stay at home mom at times in my life though and feel that if one parent can stay home with the children while they are young with out causing a strain on the finances there is nothing wrong with that. If it is a true and unconditional love there exists a respect for what each partner does to contribute to the relationship. Many times it makes more sense financially for the parent who makes the least amount of money to stay home with the kids. I have seen plenty of people with children who can not find a job that will pay enough to make it worth wild to pay for daycare expenses. The job of the homemaker is one that doesn't get enough credit.

    • W. K. Hayes profile image

      Warren Keith Hayes 7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Thank you Hopeful Poet. True love will not fade so long as the true love exists between the two people and true love is working together to help better one another. The responsibility of taking care of the bills falls to both partners and not just the one. I have seen even the strongest of loves take a beaten over money problems.

    • TheHopefulPoet profile image

      Jennifer 7 years ago from Florida

      Family certainly is not what it was years ago. In my experiences I have found that the people I choose to call family (mostly close friends) has been much more loving and supportive than the "family" I was born into. As far as helping those who choose not to help one should knowingly be that "crutch". It is not good for either party involved but often we are blinded by their so called love. It happens to the best of us and all we can do is move on from it knowing that what ever one puts forth in life will come back to them. I agree with your belief of teamwork and helping one another to make a relationship work however, I must argue one point with you. In marriage it is common for one spouse to not hold a job outside of the home or not make a "pay check". Be it the husband or the wife who takes care of the hefty chores of maintaining a home and family (especially when there are children), a true love will not fade.