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When he leaves your ass for a white woman

Updated on August 19, 2009

Bitter, Black Woman continued fight against our label in society

“I know this dude's ballin, and yeah that's nice
and they gon' keep callin' and tryin'
But you stay right, girl
But when you get on, he leave yo' ass for a white girl”
Lyrics of Kanye West


I love this song for the lyrics, and the beat but it also gives me chills every time I hear the words “he leaves yo’ ass for a white girl.” Because it’s so true, but aren’t they all?  The lyrics from songs, scenes from movies and shows are all ripped from the headlines of our own lives. A dear friend of my mother’s I grew up knowing her and her husband and three kids. I always thought they were the happiest couple, they struggled but they had that sparkle in their relationship that made you aspire to one day have a love just like theirs. It wasn’t until years later and I was an adult and a single mom that I find out that they were now divorced. She played her part as mother and wife. She worked nights and days as a nurse helping her husband complete college so that in return he could also go the distance, with helping his family succeed as a prominent African American family, just living the dream. Instead she worked hard as both mother and wife and when her husband finished college and obtained the career, making the money he left her ass for a white woman. This burned me up inside, it tore me into tiny pieces, tears stung my eyes and the hole already burning in my heart grew wider. It wasn’t me, not my life but it hurt just as much. The hope I had was all but a dream, was it also my reality to be the one he came to for hook ups, small talk and conversations just to one day make it, conquer the world and find him a white girl to have on his shoulder. There she goes that other half of me I call Jaded. The tattoo I will one day where on my back “Bitter Black Bitch” because as a 30 year old single mom of one, never have been in love, or relationship and to may never one day be married. I am bitter, and angry not with my own tales in life but other women. Women that look like me, my older generation of the African American queens that I have watched struggle to make it, to carry the same weight on their shoulders that their men carried and all for what to be betrayed by that same lover, and friend that they gave their heart and soul to. With each love in our lives we lose a part of ourselves for every day we die for that sacrifice. Is it really worth it? To love and one day lose that love? Would it have hurt as much to know that he left her for a black woman? That kind of betrayal hurts regardless of race, but for me it will hurt more because of the burden and curse of being a black woman living in this society. Black men are we not good enough? When did black women lose that power?   When did we lose the ability to keep our families together?  When did we lose the power to keep our black men feeling secure and confident within our love and strength?  For myself I know that I was raised by a beautiful black woman, a woman who stayed by my father’s side through sunshine and thunderstorms. She died when I was only 11 years of age. She never got to experience being showered with gifts, she died never knowing how it felt to not struggle, sometimes that makes me angry but it also has made me stronger. Yet I am still bitter because I carry her struggles along with all the African American queens who struggle day after day to support their families. I take pride in knowing I struggle each day to provide for my family. So when that day comes when I have made it to the top of the mountain I will shout down to the rest of the world and they will know my strength and power for I am the black woman, her strength, her courage, and her sacrifices.



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      Matty 21 months ago

      I know this was years ago but I found it searching for how to deal with the other woman in a race situations.

      My husband was separated waiting for devoice. (You have to be separated a year in NC before you qualify for a devoice) We met seven months after he left. He is African America and I am half Italian and German, English, Cherokee Indian. Needless to say I am very pail in the winter and quite dark in the summer. I am a true American mutt! When his wife found out about me she refused to believe he left because they didn’t get alone and were unhappy for years anymore, she turned it all around to he left because he wanted a white woman and left her for me “that what woman”. She has put a bug in his entire family’s ear and their three grown children making it difficult for them to accept me into the family as the woman their father loves. She continues to cause issues for us so we moved out of state to get away from all the family drama it had caused. After we were married we went to his family reunion and she showed up claiming she had rights to as the mother of the three grown adults. She pointed and made many comments like “white bitches always got to have some of that Ni__R Di__!” I realized that day living with her must have been hell if this is the way she talks and acts in front of loved ones and her children…who knows how she was in the privacy of their home.

      He defended me of course and asked his oldest son to see she leaves soon and to make sure she gets home in because she had been drinking. I love that about him, he is always so calm and collective always handling drama like a pro.

      I as his new wife should not have to walk into any of his family homes and be looked at by one person like I am not his wife and just the “white woman” he left his real wife for! So no matter how it seems or people act or what you hear the other woman/man most likely is not why they left the marriage. As in my case I had nothing to do with it but it will always look and seem like I did because of her bitterness and inability to see it was their own personal faults together that they could not get together that caused him to leave her. I say your husband or wife leaves you…look in the mirror first and come to reality and stop blaming others from the things that fail in your life.

    • dewilliams30 profile image

      Donnetta Williams 5 years ago from jacksonville

      Personally- I date outside of my race. I consider myself to be an equal opportunist when it comes to my dating life. Yes I am using slang "English" lovers. This article was written a long time ago. Please refrain from using harsh words to those who respond to blogs on this site. Great English or not she could be younger than what you think so therefore her English may not be on your level. It definitely doesn't bother me that Kanye West is dating a non black woman. It seems that you missed the point for I am quoting his words not how he lives his life???

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      When a black man leaves a black woman for a white woman, it hurts her as much as it would hurt a white woman whose man would leave her for a black woman. There is no law that dictates degrees of pain. A black woman hurts because of the evils toward black skin that exist in the hearts and mouths of hellions and the hype that exists in society that white women are superior to black women. God has a special reward for black women who love Him.

      Some men do not seem to understand how pain feels unless it happens to them, and some men do not know how to break up with a woman. If you are a shrimp of a guy with a beautiful wife that you love dearly and come home one day to find her in bed with a notable handsome hunk, how would you feel? That could be similar to what a black woman feels when she discovers that the man she loves has ditched her for a white woman. Only, she probably hurts more than the little guy. When a woman is hurt badly by a man, she does not care anything about appearing racially correct. She only knows pain unimmaginable.

      Remember the woman who ran over her husband multiple times in her car when he continued to see another woman? This kind of reaction is wrong and out of control due to severe out-of-mind pain. Her husband failed to break up with her properly. She failed to handle the pain properly. They both lost. So sad. Men need to make an effort to be more sensitive when they change their hearts.

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      get real get beyond color:

      I ditto your advice to For Broken Hearted back to you. Your capitalization and punctuation are erroneous. "English" is always capitalized, and each sentence should begin with a capital letter. All human beings are capable of errors. How would you like it if someone inferred that you were dumb because of this? I could not judge you so.

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      Maurey 5 years ago

      @BB the king I am abit late in the topic but you said it all... People fail to see that a couple is a couple. If the man or woman is leaving the relationship for whatever reason, it was for whatever reason. It could be anything inside that house. It could be the curiousity of one of them towards other female or male, regards of their race. Also I'm lost in that black and white concept. My partner is mixed and I couldn't be happier. She's in the paper considered Black in USA, in the looks she's exotic almost a white female tanned but with expressive black features. I still get stares from people who believes she's latina, Brazilliam or a tanned white individual (for instance like the fake megan fox and angelina jolie with artificial black features) But in her case its real. light dark skin tone, big lips, straight hair, brown hair, avarage big breats etc People believe she's white american and we get loads stares.


      PS: Kanye West is dating a light featured woman. His last dating was a AA mixed woman. What's your point?

      Black females are beautiful the society around you are the one to be blamed. Society which is not origined by black males. Although you are fancyed from all men. The amount of AA females not commited is low too, mainly when they are re-mixed. I dont get your point in integration but hating white women. White women only are appealling in a black man's eyes when they are re-mixed with blacks. Even if a bit. Fact, black males saying shit about all black female population are just in the hype of the white media. Integration yes, reverse racism? Hell no. I agree with you in this. Now go out of your house, improve your looks becauuse black is beautiful, can't you see? And go for what you want. If you keep complaining it won't help trusts me.

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      get real get beyond color 6 years ago

      For Broken Hearted: it might be a good idea to work on your written english instead of focusing on men. It might help you define who you are if you pick up your education game to start with. Your use of the english language is an immediate turn off for any educated man, black or white. White women tend to look at men as friends first and not "what can you do for me". This is the commment I hear regualarly from black male coworkers. Why is it easier to date white women....because we know how to be friends with a man and not just be out to get what we can. Sad but true.

    • dewilliams30 profile image

      Donnetta Williams 7 years ago from jacksonville

      @BB the king, if you would have read through it, I did state that it wouldn't have mattered about the race, its the struggle and the sacrifice a woman gives to a man that makes it hurt. As a black woman you being a man can never make me feel the double pain of having my man lost to any woman especially a white woman. This doesn't go just as far as my man left me for another woman, but being a dark skinned woman hated by this society and world we reside in, to not love myself when I look in the mirror because the blonde, and blue eyed woman gracing 90% of the magazine covers, and tv ads myself and my daughter see is what makes me hurt the most because as a black woman I can't change who I am when it comes down to the color of my skin. So yes it would hurt worse and if you don't like that, then that's tough.

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      broken hearted 7 years ago

      I understand how you feel my boyfriend left me for a white woman. I did know we was having problems and I thought everything was good with us. We was talking about marriage and until one day this white girl picture was on his phone and he was all hug with her, and I wanted to know what was going on. He told me and I should wish them the best but hurt inside of me will not allow me to. I guess what hurt me the most, is we should had atleast tried to work on what the issue was but maybe the issue was my skin color. I can change a lot of things but that is just one thing I can't change is my skin color. I have forgave him but I will never forget how much hurt he put me through and this was all done on my birthday.

    • profile image

      BB the king 7 years ago

      Would it have been better, if it had been another African-American? If yes, why? The thing that tears at me is that Black women especially, vire off the subject and concentrate on race. How does that make sense? Regardless, of who he left her for he left what seemed to be a caring women. That in itself is intolerable. It would serve that writer of this blog to know all the details before assuming that she was a perfect angel and him the demon or the he fell for the

      She was used and taken advantage of. It's as simple as that! Yes, I said "seemed" because regardless of what may have been seen on the surface it could have been very different inside that house.