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When is a relationship considered toxic?

Updated on March 27, 2013

What's Love Got To Do With It?

At moments of attraction two people meet, gain a relationship, and fall in love. Were there signs in the beginning that a relationship was toxic or was the mate a person that knew how to hide their unpredictable emotions. Who would think in the beginning that someone that seemed so loving could be so mean.

When two people are dating, the thrill of the chase or reeling a person in is what allows an abusive person to be so candid about hiding their true emotions. After a while however when they know they have the catch of the day and the first time that particular person can't have his or her way they can not seem to contain who they really are anymore. More and more if a person pays close attention to episodes whether short or long periods, the signs are there. Manipulation is the biggest tool they have. Instead of being honest to you and themselves admitting that they have a problem. They play the make-up game and tell you how much they love you and do what ever they can to try to cover up the episode as if it did not exist.

I feel the episode shocks the person that was abused because sometimes in their minds they almost make an excuse for the abuser saying. He or she doesn't usually act that way maybe they had a bad day at work. In the victims mind they know it is not right but they want to make it right and just go on too not realizing that the whole situation has brought upon a long lasting scar that a bandage won't cover. With each situation a person becomes more beat down and more beat down until by this time they almost can not think straight. A person knows it is not right but stays for what ever the reason. An abused and scarred person if not strong loses themself to a pattern of control.

This becomes a pattern because a person by now is under full manipulation by not being able to see how a person that seemed so loving yesterday could change in a snap. Does this person know true love. Not at all because love does not hurt over and over again. Love does not strip a person down so bad with words and physical abuse making that person feel worthless. In their twisted mind they may think they love but in their heart they are knowingly skilled and talented with the act of manipulation. My opinion is that they don't even love themselves because how can you hurt what belongs to you if you love yourself.

To escape such turmoil a person must first open their eyes moving their heart out of the way and address what is really going on. I suggest if the person being the manipulator doesn't change then make plans to move on as soon as possible before someone is seriously hurt. I see no need in waiting years either especially if there are children involved. When a parent is abused the child is automatically abused because as a parent feels the child's pain, the child feels the parents pain.

How Do I Plan An Escape:

Have a support system-family and friends that will help you when you leave.

If you are able save your money and make sure you have your own bank account.

Find out about support groups that can help you and your children if you have kids.

Even though abusive people don't need much to set them off, try not to make them mad.

Make sure you tell someone trusted-just is case something serious happens you will have a person that will be a witness to the fact that they knew you were abused.

Make sure there is enough money to support yourself. When they aren't around set a plan of action and be working on it.

Signs of a toxic relationship:

Calling you names or putting you down

Hitting you, this could even mean a single slap

Forcing you to have sex with them-no means no!

A person that is very easy to anger-screams at you

Not allowing you to spend time with friends or family

A person that commands you to do something for them

A person that orders you around not allowing you to be yourself

Making you live in conditions that are not safe for you and your family

When to get the authorities involved:

When a person rapes you

When a person is beating you

When you want to safely leave

When a person is threatening you

If a person is stalking you when you leave

When a person is using weapons to threaten you

Who should you call for support:

Helpful links:

Helpful tips from Clark County prosecuting attorney

Lawmakers eye bill to strengthen protections for domestic abuse victims

Men as well as woman are abused. A person must look at his or her situation and decide if it is healthy or not. Whether a person is the victim or the abuser counseling should take place prior to that type of lifestyle. Because hurt people hurt others often people move on in life bruised, and hurt from emotional scars and do not know how to handle the hurt or how to move on from such hurt. Some seem to even feel that they are alright by wearing mask of brokedness that leads to a chain of events in other relationships that they develop in life. Get the support and help that you need if this is you simply because you are somebody and you deserve it!


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    • VictoriaSheffield profile image

      Author Victoria Sheffield 4 years ago from Georgia

      You are absolutely right!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Such an important message. Thank you for writing this.