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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
When to draw the line if the person speaking got no respect from the listener
Confused and drained
The listener interrupts making unnessary comments
My mother was always one to interrupt or comment when there was basically no need to. While she didn't try to understand my thoughts and feelings, she was more comfortable being in someone else's head speculating the what and why behind their actions. My goal was to get her to listen to me not get behind the what ifs or maybes of other people and their thoughts. The why behind another person's actions didn't matter.
Not Being heard--Justified explosions
As a child, not being heard by her disturbed me to the point of explosion. Believe me, these came quite often as a teenager and somehow my mother always knew when to expect them. They usually happened after she went through my clothes and gave my sister some of my best shirts that still fit me. She let her borrow my camera without asking me. She made a dust rag out of my jeans shirt. When she paid one of my friends like a babysitter while telling me they were a companion for the afternoon,that really did it.The explosion was justified and loud enough for my father to hear from the back of the house in the bathroom. HE never pulled another stunt like this again.
Getting me into trouble with others
One of my family members jumped all over my case based on what my mother told them. Finding work was hard enough with a disability. The programs that were designed to help wouldn't recognize my writing talent mainly because it wasn't lucrative, something that earned a lot of money. Twenty hours a week as a customer service representative wasn't going to help pay the remaining bills for my website no matter how much there was left. I was used to being paid five times that amount after it was created.
Most of the fault stemmed from not being heard. The one thing detested by me was that my mother meant well, but went about a desire to help out the wrong way. At first, her actions were based on what others told her. She tried to get me to go to the rehab center and enter a program to help with my swollen ankles. Her companion warned her that my being over 18 prevented her forcing my entry there. The doctor's clearance and the fact that I visited with a friend six months prior to my birthday in 2010 eluded her.
Sometimes, her motive was to to get me in trouble, especially when she saw my therapist on base after almost two years..The look on his face fell when she told him about my lack of exercise.
One of her friends that was an aerobics instructor on base 'suggested' that I joined the YMCA and swim to get the weight off of me. This was the idea that was discussed after my mother spoke of her concerns to a family friend. Chlorine was bad for chemically straightened hair. This person wasn't even a doctor. No mention of who was to pay for the membership at the YMCA or the cab fare back and forth three times a week either.
Missing a large part of the puzzle
The worse thing was that there was a lack of respect when it came to speaking with me. In the beginning, my mother only operated on the part of the story she heard. It was like trying to put a 5000 piece puzzle together and two-thirds of the pieces were missing.
It was easier to ignore people who tried telling me how to handle my life in general by saying what they would do if they were in my shoes. Well, no one paid my rent so why listen to them anyway?
The Today Show said that this was the time to be firm. Based on her actions, there were no more updates on the current situation being handled by me. She asked me to keep her informed as a courtesy, but showed me no courtesy of staying quiet.Everything she has told me was said before and did not need constant repeating.
Listening to her was sapping my energy and mad me feel as if an albatross hung around my neck. After last week, no more..