- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Love Love Love!
John Keats said: I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion. Love is my religion, and I could die for that. I could die for you.". And does anybody know if Mr Keats did so? Perhaps there was no need. If i were the subject of his affection, i would not frustrate him, but throw myself completely at him, without reservation!
Where are the John Keats of our time? How true is it that men are 'good starters', but 'lousy finishers'? Oh boy! Do i hear 'ouches' here? I didn't say that alright? Some women complain that they fell for their guys because they thought they had met their 'knight in shining armour', awesome, generous and affectionate while on the pursuit as suitors. But, after a year or two, things change, they feel neglected. They don't get romanced anymore, and they feel darn 'cheated'. Is the lack of love or romance really the men's fault, because they are really not romantic creatures? Or is it both? Unless you picked a real nitwit, my fair ladies, it takes two people for a marriage to become loveless and eventually fall apart.
Don't go asking "where is the love", instead, ignite that love. I'm not an expert but there are things i know work where i live. Remember, different strokes for different folks. Here are some ideas in case you need some. Valentine always makes for a good occassion to surprise the love of your life. As they say, 'just do it'!
For Ladies Only, But Men, Go Ahead, Look!
1. Look Yummy
If you don't think looking good is important enough, you're mistaken. Men are visually oriented."Consider dressing for his taste and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know. You don't have to go into extremes of going for Botox, nip and tuck, or maxing your credit card for a new wardrobe. Go ahead buy that Victoria Secret lingerie for a 'surprise' night. That will help. Remember how 'hot' you must have looked when you first met? Know what your man wants and what turns him on. If he's not showing anymore interest, this could be one reason. Men don't want to tell the 'truth' about how their wifey has become such a drab, or a turn off. They don't want to hurt, or start a fight. Woman, you owe it to your man to look good by taking care of yourself. It works the other way too, You don't want a man to be 'un-groomed'.
2. Be a Kitten
It's ok, at the right place and the right time, you can be all over you man, Men love the reassuring touch of a woman, a nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you ... I love you ... We're tight." "Learn to love and appreciate all of your man's body," says De Angelis. "This will give you time to become more stimulated and make him feel like you love every part of him." Let your fingers do the talking. It doesn't always have to lead to sex, but it will work its way there eventually. Catwoman will agree.
3. Tell Him He Rocks
Men want to know what we think of them. Believe it or not, your man need appreciation by hearing you praise him often enough. Express how much you value him, how he fulfills you, and makes you feel safe. Thank him for working hard, even if you're working just as hard, Men:want to feel like they are heroes..Compliment him for being a good husband and father in the middle of a busy day. It's, a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, and loved.
4. Give Him the Royal Treatment
After a rough day at work, your guy can use some TLC, or tender loving care. You may have had a rough day yourself, but, the key to romantic gestures is to put the other person's needs before yourself. If you know your husbands day has been especially tough, give him a massage. Set up a hot bath, his favorite drink and a book he's been wanting to read. This 'royal treatment' can't get more romantic, plus it reassures him you appreciate all that he is and that you're really proud of him. I tell you, he will worship the ground you walk.
5. Think Surprise
This is not your regular "date night", and some of you may not even be doing this. Whisk him off for a weekend getaway or surprise him after work with movie tickets. To make your plan work, figure out what his needs are. Once you determine it, make all the plans and pull the surprise. Creative spontaneity is romantic because it's disarmingly sweet when he realizes the trouble you had to go through. It doesn't have to cost you a ball. Sometimes, a room in the house is all you need to create a little fantasy. Oh, giving flowers isn't just a man thing. Go pick some from the garden, and spruce up the lil casbah' in you created.
6. Plan a Love-making Event
There are folks who are probably good at this, more than others. I ilke to think those who have been together for like 50 years have gotten their act together. I would hope so. But, for others, married sex gradually becomes more about comfort than passion. There may be a need to break the routine. such as making love with the lights off, keeping them on or illuminating the room with candles. Some women think that the man has to make the first move. Not the case. Making sex a celebratory event will show him in no uncertain terms that you think he's very special.
7. Stay Interested
Wives take some things for granted. They don't show any interest in what their husband is doing, except for the paycheck. Then they get jealous when another woman does. And this happens in the workplace a lot. As his loving partner, the wife has to find ways to let her man know she cares about all aspects of his life and not just the parts he shares with her at home. Ask questions about his work, get him a book relating to a hobby, let him know you want to help him with problem he's having. This gestures will be well-received.
10. Whet Him
Satisfying his hunger, and his craving. by cooking for your man is very romantic. The process can be very sexy, as long as it's not hurried and burdensome. It must be a joy, an art in the making. Put on your 'Diva' apron, serve him a little appetiser, you picked up from the Deli, toast to your favorite drinks, maybe wine, and let him wait , so it will whet his appetite., and not just for food. Go slow, share your thoughts, make interesting conversation, until you're both hungry. You will feel a sense of ceremony, turning the meal into a special and unforgettable date.
12. Dance Loose.
Unwind together, with love music of your choice. Dance for him, then dance together. There's something about being 'loose' with each other. It shows, between you, there are no inhibitions and that you feel very comfortable with each other. Look into each other's eyes, and tell each other how crazy in love you are. Music is conducive to romance, feel it.
Some Ways to Romance
- Tell your sweetheart to get dressed up for a fancy date, and go pick her up, not telling her where you're going. Say that you have forgotten your wallet at home and have her come inside and then lead her to a candlelit dinner on a patio or gazebo.
- Pick a star in the sky and then name it "Our Star" and it will always be there for you to see and remind you of each other, forever.
- Go out to the ocean or a large body of water and just sit out on the docks and watch the sunset while expresing your love for each other.
- Write a short romantic story/ or a romantic blog and surprise your loved one with your work.
- Write a song for your partner and go to a recording studio and have it put on a CD for her/him. Make up a CD cover with pictures of you together and give it as a gift
- Buy 2 dozen fresh roses, or pick some wild ones. Start at your front door, place the flowers on the floor with a note that says "follow your heart". Then leave a trail of flowers spaced every 6 feet or so leading to the bedroom. Remove the petals from the remaining flowers and spread them on top of the bed. light some scented candles. Be waiting in bed at the arrival and see what happens.
- Dedicate a song to her on the radio.
- Write poetry, print in linen paper and frame it. Present it when the time is romantically right.
- Make a video of the two of you and watch it together, and have some awww's and laughs.
- Write "I love you" in red lights on your roof.
- Record some romantic music or leave a romantic CD in the car playing for your partner.
- Memorize a romantic poem and recite it to her over dinner at an elegant restaurant.
- Ask him what his favorite sports team is and then surprise him with tickets. Or music group, singer,
- Cut out stars from construction paper, or a heavy duty paper and hang them by fishing line from the ceiling. Cut the string in all different lengths so some of the stars will hang lower than the others. Have plenty of candles burning and ask your significant other to join you for an evening of dancing under the stars. It is a romantic evening for when it is too cold to be outside!
- Find a good vantage point for watching the sunset, and set up a picnic, complete with champagne, strawberries, oysters... whatever you want & whatever you know will catch your honey's fancy... scatter rose petals around & light tea candles... and have him/her meet you there at what should be the best point in the sunset
- Find a pottery place that lets you pick and decorate your own pottery. You can make a set of dishes for your house or coffee mugs for each other.
- Have a picnic style dinner that can be easily eaten in a rubber fishing boat (one you can both easily lay down). Pick a favorite movie and a laptop and have dinner and a movie on the lake at sunset. By the time you're done eating, the sun is down and you can watch the movie under the stars, while floating on a peaceful lake. Just make sure your laptop doesn't get wet.
- Stay in on a Saturday, get up early, read the paper together, eat what's ever in your cabinets Go out for a nice walk, stop at a store or two and enjoy the rest of the evening together. It's quality time spent, and you can dream about your later years together!
- Go all out and hire a hot-air balloon. Spend the afternoon flying over the beautiful landscape drinking champagne!
- 'Paint' each other, on oil, pastel, watercolor, acrylic and this way, you are 'immortlaized'. If you're good, then you have just created something of more value.
- For those who are photo buffs, have a photo shoot (indoor or outdoor), posing for each other like your own models. Pick the best shot and get it posterized and hang it on your wall.
- If you have a pool, skinny dip at night when no one's looking, or do the same in a Jacuzzi. Play mood music, and do what you both love to do.
To all 'hopeless romantics' like me, Happy Valentine! C'mon guys, we can all use some nice lovin'. Tell us if you've got some real neat ideas for keeping love alive.