- Gender and Relationships
So, Who Should Pay On A Date?
So, who do you think should pay on a first date? When I was younger I wanted to be treated like an old fashioned lady and have men treat me on dates. I never asked them too, but in my first few relationships, they actually offered. There was one time I bought dinner for my first boyfriend and he balked at the idea of me doing that. However, after we had been on again and off again for a year that began to change. He made comments about how there is women's lib, but as long as a guy is still paying for the meals everything is okay. To be honest, I was taken aback by his response because, in the beginning, he had been so insistent upon paying, but later on, he resentfully listed every purchase he ever made. Honestly, I never have appreciated men who itemized purchases for others because I never thought this way. Back in the day, I was willing to treat a guy friend or any friend to some lunch or an order of fries, but that was until I discovered people keep a running tally of who paid for what.
Men Who Like Women To Pay For Them
Honestly, I really do not agree with this approach either because I have found some of these men to be exceedingly cheap. Once I dated a guy who started dropping hints about how cheap he was, and he seemed to have no qualms about me footing the bill on many occasions. Basically, the only thing he did not want me to pay for was the gas he spent to go on dates. This behavior became weirder on a trip we took to Las Vegas, and often I wondered why would someone go there if they did not want to spend money.
His reasoning behind wanting the woman to pay more than half was that he was really cheap. He was still living at home and his mom paid off his credit card, which he shared with me during one of the few dates where we paid. He loved to be treated to meals, and he jumped at the opportunity when I had a coupon to go to a restaurant. Never mind that after the date I discovered that particular restaurant charged ten percent complementary tip on top of the fifteen percent tip I had already given them, but I would never tell Mr. Cheapskate. Basically, after that experience, I never wanted to date a man who was too excited to have the woman pay.
Paying For Myself
In my third relationship the man was very generous, but later on, he threw that up in my face. Finally, I discovered I really do not want to be treating a man or keeping score, so now the easiest way to keep track is by paying for all of my own things.
The last time I even allowed a man to buy me a cup of coffee on a first date he later guilt tripped me about not kissing him. Did he really think I would do that? He may be an attractive guy, but he revealed to me that he had been dating a woman on and off for nine years, and he just wanted something intimate with me. Oh, I was very happy when he went away and did not call anymore, especially since he decided he would not get payback for his cup of coffee. In my dating life allowing a man to pay for even one thing has usually resulted in guilt trippy comments on their part, so now I only want to pay for myself.
On one particular first date I insisted on paying for my own sandwich, and later he asked me why I did that. Honestly, I am sure glad I did because he continues to try to flirt with me, but he made it clear last year he did not want to have a relationship with me. Having paid for myself made me feel confident though because he could not use the paying for the date excuse to guilt trip me. Not that I would give into that, but paying for your own food, movie ticket, and snacks gives you control ladies. If a man offers to pay for the meal you often will feel obligated to go to a movie or out dancing when he suggests this afterwards, but if you pay yourself you can feel free to leave at any time. Of course, you should always leave any date that makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you are meeting a nice man you are just not hitting it off with it feel callous to just eat and run.
On my thirtieth birthday, I made a resolution to no longer date. I am very happy single, and most of my not so fun memories are connected to dates or semi-relationships. Even though I am thirty I still feel I have never had a real genuine relationship where a man loved me. I only ever felt like an object to men seeking casual encounters, even though I have never thrown out there that this is what I am seeking. I see other women going on to be respected, courted, engaged to, and married, so I would only want to spend time with a man if things were going that way! There is someone like at the moment, but he does not notice me, so I have to get over that.
I decided I no longer want to worry about dating at all. This way I feel I am a free agent and have control over what I say and do. Besides, we can go somewhere cheap and it does not have to cost money. One big mistake we made with this economy was feeling we always had to go out and do things that cost buckets of money, but growing up I never depended on these type of activities for amusement. It was not until I was around college friends who felt this way that I started to feel I was missing out on something.
Now that I am getting back to some of the more solitary activities of my teens I feel more content with the world. The friends I still have around are only really close ones, and they are good people who do not have to do decadent things every second of the day. Sure I do many things alone, but at least I am not becoming a statistic with a revolving door of men coming in and out of my life. If I am to ever date again I want to meet him in real life and I want it to be a natural occurrence. I do not want him to be some guy who sees me walking and stops me to ask for my phone number, which I think partly explains why many of the men I date have weird expectations of me. However, since I am not overly attractive women I do not have a large pool of suitors, so I would rather have an almost non-existent trickle in hopes of finding something special. I do not expect it, but at least it will be according to my terms. Honestly, I will not compromise in any relationship and will live my life practically similar to how I have as a single person.