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The Man Should Pay On A First Date!

Updated on November 28, 2010

So, who should pay for the first date? Short answer? The man.

(Excuse me while I give the wannabe feminists a moment to tantrum….)

All done, ladies? Good. As I was saying, the man pays for a first date. Yes, the woman might throw a big fit about equality, blah, blah, blah. She might even tell you how much money she makes, to let your know she can feed herself on her own dime. These are all signs of insecurity and it will only get worse as you get to know her. The average woman has plenty of psycho-potential – why add this kind of unnecessary drama to the mix? There are plenty of women secure in their femininity who would love to be taken out to dinner. Aim for one of them, next time. If you want a real woman (one who is able to distinguish between being a woman and being an object) I'd advise you to err on the side of caution and at least try to pay for the first date.

Here are five reasons why:

It shows you can lead.

Liberal though I am in a number of areas, I’m old-fashioned when it comes to this kind of thing. A man should be able to lead. (Note: This does not mean control!) If you can’t take the initiative in something small - like paying for meal - that tells me you’ll probably lack leadership in other areas as well. I can lead myself just fine, but I don’t want to have to lead you, too. Be a man.

She might not see you again, if you don’t

I certainly wouldn’t. I fully expect a man to pay for the first date. I don’t care if that sounds sexist or just plain wrong. This is about chivarly; it's not really about money. Nevertheless, if you can't be arsed to pay for something as cheap as a meal, that's pretty sad, really. Especially when you consider how often women buy or do things for men. I buy loads of stuff for the men in my life, and I don't sit there and count pennies over it. If you don’t think her worthy of a happy meal, you might not think her worthy of anything else, either. The subliminals on this can be pretty strong.

It shows you have standards.

If you believe the man should pay on the first date, this lets a woman know you have values of some kind. It tells her that you hold yourself accountable for something. It tells her you follow your own moral compass and aren’t easily influenced by trends. In a world full of wishy-washy metrosexuals, this holds quite a bit of water, especially if the woman in question has a dominant personality.

It shows you have an instinct to provide.

Notice I didn’t say it shows you can provide. Having and spending the dosh on dinner aren’t the issues here. A woman wants to know you want to pay for dinner - that you get some kind of satisfaction out of caring for her on some level. Cheesy as it sounds, the presence of this feeling is crucial to the longevity of any relationship she’s in. If you make her feel like a burden on the first date, her subconscious will suggest she find someone who doesn’t.

It shows you’re not a tightwad.

This doesn’t mean she’s a gold digger. But, come on, if you get bent over buying a woman dinner on your very first date, that doesn’t bode well for the rest of your relationship. If she thinks you’re the type to complain about every little penny, she’s not going to want to see you again. Who needs that kind of headache? Most women give freely to their man. We spend loads of time shopping for your birthday and holiday gifts -- it shouldn't be about the money. It should be about wanting to be chivalrous!

Obviously, some women will disagree with the idea of men paying for a first date. I suppose you could let her pay – if she really insists. Be aware, however, that some women will use that as a test. One you'll fail, if she ends up paying for herself. I’d give you pointers on how to spot that kind of girl, but you’re better off not knowing. Let them protest too much. Less hassle for you, and more money in your pocket. The rest of us, however, would appreciate being treated with some modicum of chivalry.


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