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Why a Spouse Would Leave the Marriage for Someone Else

Updated on October 8, 2017
revmjm profile image

Margaret Minnicks writes about a variety of subjects that might interest the general public.

A marriage is more than two people living under the same roof and sharing the same bed.

Marriage

Why do some marriages stand the test of time while others fail before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate?

Research has proven that there are some key ingredients in every marriage. Like baking a cake if some of those ingredients are left out, revised or used too much, the cake and marriage will not be the dessert you had hoped for.

There are signs in every marriage that if left alone, the marriage will fail. However, if one would pay close attention to the signs, then perhaps the marriage could be saved and neither partner would seek fulfillment from someone else.

A marriage is more than two people living under the same roof and sharing the same bed. A marriage is the act of two people coming together as one for the common good of them both. When that union no longer provides the love, compassion, and security of both partners, then the deprived partner seeks to find what is missing in someone else.

Here we are not just talking about separation and/or divorce, but this article is intended to prove why one spouse seeks outside of the marriage what he or she is not getting within the marriage. The following areas should be considered as signs of a marriage that needs repair. If one or more of these problems exist, a spouse may seek another partner.

No Communication

The quickest way for a couple to seek another partner is when there is little of no communication. If a man comes home after a long day at work, he wants to communicate without taking orders or having the need to give orders. He just wants to talk and listen and have a responsive partner to do the same.

While nagging is a form of communication, it is not what will keep your spouse happy and your marriage intact. If you find yourself being negative when you talk to your spouse, know that will drive him away from you instead of bringing the two of you closer.

Communication is the act of two people connecting through words. If your spouse can't talk to you about what's bothering him, he will find someone with a listening ear. Let it be yours.

No Common Interests

Let's be honest. Wouldn't you consider a person boring who didn't share some of the same interests as you do? You might find it hard to understand why a couple seems to have so many common interests while dating, but as soon as they get married they seem to have little in common.

Most people are on their best behavior while dating. They do everything they can to please the other person. Women pretend they like sports, and they bend over backward to be with their friend even if it means sitting outside in 10-degree weather to rout on a football team. Because she didn't really like it, after marriage she decides she doesn't want to role play any longer. That puts a wedge between her and her spouse.

The same rule applies for a man who pretends to like what his wife likes before marriage, but he doesn't work as hard at it after marriage.

No Chemistry

When you were dating, sparks used to fly. Both of you did what you thought was necessary to please each other. However, after marriage both of you grew slack in maintaining the relationship you tried so hard to establish.

Husbands should continue to send cards and flowers and give gifts. Wives should continue to cook favorite dinners and do those "little things" that keep their husbands happy.

In other words, what was done to start the relationship must be done to maintain the relationship. In fact, sometimes it should be done to a greater degree.

While sexual chemistry is necessary for a marriage, it is not the only thing that will keep the marriage from failing. Unless romantic tactics are continued in a marriage, the unfulfilled partner is given ammunition to seek fulfillment outside of the marriage. (At least that's the way he or she might see it).

No Satisfaction

If you want your marriage to survive, then neither partner should be deprived.The spouse who feels something is missing is going to seek fulfillment; even if it means going outside of the marriage to get satisfaction and pleasure.

Reasons Spouse Would Leave Marriage For Someone Else

Watch for signs that your partner is not satisfied in the marriage. Then do something about it to put your marriage back on the right track. Pay attention to and do something about the following:

  • No common interests
  • No communication
  • No sexual chemistry
  • No satisfaction

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    • Hannah David Cini profile image

      Hannah David Cini 2 years ago from Nottingham

      Some very good advice here, it's so true that it is easy to stop putting effort in after marriage but it is so important, a very good article.

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 4 years ago

      Excellent hub. If couples use your advice, their marriages have a real chance of not only surviving, but thriving! Voting up and awesome.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Sick and Hurt, thanks for responding to my article. I hope by now you are no longer "sick and hurt."

    • profile image

      sick and hurt 6 years ago

      I am being left ....I have given him 20 years of strong sexy love ...and now he is leaving...I'm devasted...Unreal..20 yrs..when does this pain end...

    • revmjm profile image
      Author

      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      chaunatye, thanks for reading my article and responding with such detailed information. Hope you get to read some of my other articles.

    • chaunatye profile image

      chaunatye 6 years ago

      You bring up a lot of great points. I have actually been through a divorce, me being the one to leave, for another man. I did it because I felt like my marriage had been backed into a corner. I felt stressed all the time because I was the one who had to take care of all the financial needs in our home. I started to realize that I deserved better.

      Jealousy was a major issue, if I expressed a want to go out without my husband it created a huge argument and it just became exhausting. I finally decided to get a job so that I could get out of the house and met a man that I quickly fell in love with. To my defense, I felt like my marriage was close to over before I met this other man.

      I think what you said about communication is right on. If my husband would have listened to my concerns and the things that bothered me then maybe it would have worked, but what matters is that I am happier than I have ever been and I don't regret anything!

      This was a very good article, I loved it!

    • mojefballa profile image

      Ikeji Chinweuba 6 years ago from Nigeria

      Very cool and honest article which really revealed the truth needed to sustain all marriages.Thanks for this article.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      truthfornow, thanks for reading and responding to my article.

    • truthfornow profile image

      truthfornow 6 years ago from New Orleans, LA

      great article

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Marcella, as usual thanks for reading and responding.

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      Marcella Glenn 6 years ago from PA

      make*

    • profile image

      Marcella Glenn 6 years ago from PA

      You makE interesting points.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Miss Capri, you hit the nail right on the head with your comment. You are right about wondering why in the world some couples ever got married in the first place. Thanks for reading and responding.

    • profile image

      Miss Capri 6 years ago

      There are some marriages that break up simply because one spouse was never genuinely in love in the first place and no matter how the other spouse tries to keep up their end, the unfaithful one cheats and leaves out of disloyalty and self-serving motives. Then there are other marriages where you're right, there's a lack of good communication, chemistry and far too much expectations placed on one spouse by the other. These don't necessarily lead to a break up, but it sure makes one wonder why in the world these two got married in the first place.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Cora, thank you so very much for reading and responding to this article. Yes, I do write a lot on many different topics. Writing is my passion, and I try to share that passion with others. Thanks for the compliment!

    • profile image

      Cora Venable 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing I really do enjoy reading your thoughts on different topics.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Dave, I see you recognized those three C's. Thanks for pointing those out.

      Becky, I agree with you and Dave that many marriages fail before that get started because of the lack of those three things I mentioned: no common interest, no communication, and no chemistry. When I refresh the article later there are some more C's I will talk about such as no commitment, no compassion, and of course no Christ.

    • Becky Puetz profile image

      Becky 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      I agree with Dave Mathews. Sadly, too many marriages are doomed to fail before they begin. Great Hub.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 6 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      revmjm: Brilliantly expressed dear sister. The

      (three C's) as I call them Common interests, Communication, and Chemistry, are the essentials of every marriage relationship. We must also keep in mind that if we want a marriage to be really sucessful, then a marriage of two, must become a marriage of three, and Christ must become the third member. If we put Christ and our mate first, above ourselves, the marriage cannot fail.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Middlespecialist, thanks so much for reading and responding to this article. Thanks also for your suggestion.

    • Middlespecialist profile image

      Middlespecialist 6 years ago

      I think these are some great suggestions, especially, "what was done to start the relationship must be done to maintain the relationship."

      I would add one...lower your expectations about what your partner should be doing and raise your expectations about what you should be doing.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      jdove-miller, thanks for reading and being honest with your response. Hopefully you can use the advice in the article even though it might be hard to do at times.

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      jdove-miller 6 years ago

      Great advice, but hard to follow. Life often gets so busy and complicated that we don't put the needed time into maintaining all those elements you wrote about. Then we wake up one day wondering where did the love or passion go. Thanks for the reminder.

    • revmjm profile image
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      Article Written By Margaret Minnicks 6 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Faye and SubRon7, thank you so much for being my first readers of this article. I just love the way God puts ideas into my mind and I go with what's inside of me. I did no research on this but wrote what God told me to write. So if somebody's marriage is saved because of this, all the glory will go to God. I was just His instrument.

    • SubRon7 profile image

      James W. Nelson 6 years ago from eastern North Dakota

      Revmjm, you did it again. I really appreciated this hub, for many reasons, and I read a lot of these marriage/relationship hubs. Can't read'em all! Anyway, I'm not married but I'd like to at least have a good, depenable, woman friend. I'm a romantic, and that seems to be a problem for many of the fair half. They don't believe, don't trust, whatever, once a girl told me not to be a romantic "...because it won't last forever...." In other words, why try? I believe in flowers, small gifts, etc., not to impress but to show my love, my appreciation. One more thing. About sports. I see women "acting?" like they like sports...? So are they really starting to like sports better or is it just an act. Myself, I can live very well without sports. Just venting.... Thanks for a great hub!

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      Faye 6 years ago

      Very nice article.