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Why Do Men Care What Women Want?

Updated on August 30, 2009


There's been a media driven obsession, culminating in a Mel Gibson movie, no less, about men discovering what it is that women want. 'What Women Want' articles and pieces of footage are spread far and wide over the surface of the earth, to the point where little baby penguins on the polar ice caps are being raised in nests lined with articles for men telling them what women want.

(No, baby penguins aren't actually raised in nests, but they will have to be soon, because we're running out of space for all the literature on what women want.)

If you believe what these articles say, apparently women want to be spoiled princesses, having it all, career, family, money, power, and all the while with a man to attend to their needs and make sure that they feel validated and actualized and what not.

Strangely enough, 'What Do Men Want' articles aren't nearly as popular. That's because women have largely stopped worrying about what men want. In the last twenty to thirty years, culture has started to revolve more and more strongly around women.

It's not necessarily a terrible thing, but it is quite unequal if you think about it for a moment.

The truth of the matter is, the on the ground, every day woman wants a man who is loving, faithful and makes her feel special. That's about it. If a man can make a woman feel special, and if he can also convince her subtly that she would be lucky to have him, then it's pretty much game over. Women are predatory animals, we don't want what comes too easily, which is why 'nice guys' have a harder time of it.

It's actually pretty obvious what women want, but for some reason, this media storm continues, presumably being fed by men who still want to know.

In thirty years, we've managed to develop the Internet from a fledgling network to a world wide super power beyond the control of any one government. We have gone from having to use a bulky land line phone in the house to being able to make calls on a little touch screen device that will also allow us to play games, listen to music and make incriminating videos. We have electric cars. And yet we still, after thirty years of ridiculously intensive study, apparently don't know what women want, in spite of the fact that women are everywhere and quite easily studied in their natural habitat.

The obsession with discovering what women want isn't really about discovering what women want at all, it's about reinforcing the idea that women are demanding, mystical creatures whose whims must be attended to if a man is to be successful in a relationship. It's also about reaffirming the stereotype that men are clueless morons unable to understand even the simplest of human motivations. Even these two reasons are secondary however. At the end of the day, all this 'what women want' schmaltz is really about creating an over class of women and an underclass of men who must please their women.

It's essentially nothing more than role reversal, the pendulum swinging from the 1940's and 1950's where literature abounded telling women how to please their men. So yes, a little bit of this is understandable, or was understandable, in 1998. Can we please evolve beyond 'what women want' now? It's boring, it's overdone, and it's holding us back from actually being equal.


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    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Hope men already are filling the roll of a bunch of 'woman pleasers'. I personally really dont care what 'women want' proverbially speaking...which is unfortunately a hard thing to say these days without being characterized as a misogynist. Not the case at all I simply just know who I am and dont need someone else to validate me as a man. But I think you might be suprised at the number of people who do need that 'validation' as men. I have people in my own family who thought that me and a brother of mine must have been gay (and who cares anyway) simply because we didnt have someone knocked up by age 25 or on our way to getting married. Nevermind that most of their marriages ended in failure....I guess because they couldnt figure out what women wanted..or what they wanted themselves in the other half of the cases. Point being there are still a lot of people who live in 1998 or better yet more like 1964, and for those of us in the present esp men who think for themselves and women like yourself it makes the going of things a little rough sometimes.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I have to completely disagree with this one. And despite the amassment of 'literature' on women's desires, most of them still aren't really coming true... Celebrity divas notwithstanding.

    • profile image

      JOYE 510 

      9 years ago

      Great hub. To me it seems pretty degrading to women, writing articles as though there is some secret formula to seduce women. Women's likes and dislikes, wants and goals are as individual as the person themselves. The best way to learn what women want is to the know the woman, to respect her and listen to what she says. No big secret there.

    • Tomgeekery profile image


      9 years ago

      Well said.

    • fran-gerry profile image


      9 years ago

      WOW! Hope, this is very thought provoking. Women don't even know what they want much of the time. I will read this again soon.

    • Jeromeo profile image


      9 years ago from Little Rock

      Can't we all just get along. Fair exchange equals no robbery.


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