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Why Is Cheating So Addictive? – The Forum Speaks!

Updated on November 8, 2010

In this hub I am going to explore the minds of cheaters. In my forum there was a visitor that posted the question: Why is cheating so addictive?

The post has been one of the most active in the forum. My first thought was that I would see a lot of posts calling this user things like, “scum bucket” or “d-bag!”

To my surprise the majority of the posts were other visitors sharing their addiction to cheating as well.

Below is an excerpt of how the post started:


I made a terrible mistake about 6 months ago. I had a little too much to drink, one thing led to another (sounds like an excuse, I know) and I ended up doing it in a co-workers car. (first time I ever did something like this).

I don't know what happened to me, or what made me do it. But ever since that night I have been filled with a VIRUS that consumes my rational thoughts. The intense rush I got in that car overwhelmed me and I have cheated several times with this same co-worker in an attempt to feel the way I did that night.

After this post, comments like the below started pouring in:

Also have the "virus"
by: Anonymous

Well, sadly, it happened to me about a year ago and I never looked back. Then my husband found out. We are currently in the middle of a divorce. I also don't understand how it started or why, but it felt so good I just didn't care anymore. But I must admit... now that I'm single and CAN do what I want without worrying... it's lost some of the appeal. What gives?

Addicted as well
by: SL

It's normal, I am also addicted to that even though I love my bf. I don't even want to stop. I love the feeling of risk, I love the excitement and everything else related to it.
I had lovers, and I was in love with them, but still loving my bf. Is it trashy? Hypocrite? I don't know. I always stop the relation with a lover when he wants more from me, when he doesn't seem to be able to live with the fact that he is the second one in my life. Till now I had 4 lovers (of course not in the same time).
So girl, do what you feel. This excitement keeps my relation alive:)

The strange thing is, the site that these are posted on is solely intended to help those that are being cheated on. But somehow, the cheaters found their way and so it began.

The question, why is cheating so addictive? Plenty of supporting posts followed.

Cheating and infidelity is something that baffles those that don’t do it and are strongly against it. Maybe if the non-cheaters learn a bit more about what drives others to cheat they will be more prepared for what their relationship may have in store. Maybe it may prevent it from happening to them. Who knows?

So I would like to take this opportunity to once again open up this platform for those that are addicted to cheating. Maybe you will be able to help us answer the question:

Why is cheating so addictive?

For those of you non-cheaters, the platform is open as well to speak your mind.

The floor is yours!

Why Is Cheating So Addicting?

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    • profile image

      4 years ago

      My mother was basically a prostitute right in front of me growing up, have you ever seen "Mad Men", I'm kind of like Don Draper. Went in and out of the foster care system, and I thought love was sex.

      When I was 24, I dated what felt like my best friend, for 4 years. I was never that attracted to her physically, but was in EVERY other way. I always had these crazy urges of infidelity. I felt like eventually these urges, along with my sex drive would disappear, but this was not the case. I met a married woman on the train, and we started fooling around, the passion was an addiction. The sheer amount of energy feels electric, I like the feeling that I'm being a bad boy. I like the feeling that I'm breaking rules, laws, breaking my own heart. We got caught, and I broke my girlfriend's heart along with my own, I still carry the guilt almost a year later.

      I am in a new relationship now, and this one is like nothing that I've ever felt before. So much chemistry, passion, connection, I'm extremely attracted to her in EVERY way, and I still have these crazy urges of infidelity. I've realized that It has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me. I don't know what to do, I don't even know if I want to change, the addiction is so real but I can only get the feeling if I'm in a committed relationship. I've had many relationships that revolved around around sex and this doesn't do it for me.

      I'm addicted to being in love and infidelity.

      I just want to be able to do this without hurting anyone, but I don't think it's possible. It's an unsustainable addiction.

      Please help...

    • dosborne08 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Pembroke Pines, FL


      Thank you for stopping by. You are right in saying that you need to fill that void in your heart. I don't know if you are a religious person, but beginning a relationship with God may be a good start in trying to fill that void that keeps compelling you to cheat. Trying to fill it with the Love of your boyfriend doesn't seem to do it at this time, but with faith and that new relationship I truly believe it will in the future. You know and understand what needs to be done, and I have faith that you can find the strength to go after the happiness that you deserve. Good luck!

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I have been addicted to cheating for a few years now. I am in a 7 year relationship with the cheating starting after 3 years after my partner started travelling & working in the far east for long stints at a time.

      It's an awful addiction, one that fills me with deep shame and there are no excuses as I am not an honest person.

      I hope that by me writing it gives a slightly more in depth understanding....

      I have an addictive personality I'm not proud of. Smoking, hoarding and gambling in the past.

      My take is that i believe cheating or rather addictions to be sort of meddled in with not having enough respect for oneself and others or life. They can also be caused by being exposed to experiences that deeply change you. Trying to chase something to rid the void & broken heart that is at your core. Not understanding & knowing how to do 'love' properly. Or sometimes simply because as humans we are being constantly led by powerful hormones that make you want to procreate.

      At times, in my overly analytical depressive brain, i do not care enough about the consequences of anything because nothing really means anything in the grand scheme of things. Life at times is a disturbing concept without beliefs. Without enough guidance or unconditional love around growing up or now, I live life detached and use my energy incorrectly. Once you have some damage or cross a certain line, mentally/ physically, its quite impossible to go back to how you were before even if you want to.

      After being in love once and having my heart shattered, I find myself unable to open up to love now. It isn't my conscious or subconscious choice anymore. There is a big fat wall in the way of me and being in love that i haven't yet been able to break down. I have tried and been going to counselling for years about it. I keep hoping that the people i seek are the person who are going to change me. I try to love my boyfriend but do understand that i am not loving him fully, there is a piece of my soul missing and my mind is always split. I don't want it to be this way which is why i cannot bear to lose him. Losing him would be giving up hope. I wish i could open up love as it is so i could love him properly. I know it will need to come to a head or to an end. It's so selfish I know I'm a coward.

      I'm on a long road to change my ways and find new ways to feel good. Cheating does seems quite a common problem that you don't seem to be able to find help for.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      addicted as well

      it first started when my bf constantly accused me of cheating while i was not and also acting like a jelouse and control freak to a point where i became valnurable and lonely then i met this guy who was inlove with me for years ,he was giving me all the attention but the fact that he so serious about our relationship scared me away because deep down i knew love my bf somuch ,since then i can't seem to stop dating other guys and dump them when they want to be serious because i know love my bf. from tt

    • profile image

      addict that got caught.kdk 

      7 years ago

      I'm addicted to cheating. I have cheated on my husband several times and we have only been married one month. I feel horrible afterwards and think "Why do I keep doing this?" I love my husband. He loves me and makes me feel like no other man has. We have been through a lot. But he has forgiven me and we are still trying to work on things. has it been easy? NO but I love him and have put him through a lot, so it's worth it. We talk a lot about why I have done this and the possibility of me doing it again. I don't want to, I don't want to keep hurting him, I haven't cheated on him in 2 weeks and I hate to say it hasn't been easy. But I want to be with him forever and want to find a way so that we can truly be happy and put this behind us. Does anyone know what will help me get over the thrill, rush of cheating? We are searching on internet to find something, anything to help.

    • dosborne08 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Pembroke Pines, FL

      Wow, like a drug! Scary! I really am hearing more and more people say that it is an addiction.

      PaulaHenry1 - Thanks for the kinds words. It intrigues me because of how opposite people can think when it comes to this topic, and both sides can be so passionate in their convictions.

    • PaulaHenry1 profile image


      8 years ago from America

      LOVE this hub! I think that sex-aholics are full of it personally. Just another excuse or failure to commit. But you really make people think, I love the way you write as well! I am following now for sure! Keep up the great work!

    • profile image

      Just a lurker. 

      8 years ago

      Cheating raises dopamine levels. It gives you the feeling of falling in love. You can't stop because it fades and you want to recapture the rapturous feelings. It always starts with miscommunication and loneliness then the happy feeling that you get from the lover surpasses any of the happiness in your daily life. It's really not different from. Depression and drug addiction.


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