- Gender and Relationships
Why Loving Yourself Is So Much Better
Commercialism, Candy, and Couples
When you go to the grocery store, or just about any store for that matter seeing products promoting holidays is not uncommon. Down the candy aisle you'll find Sweethearts, on another cards with cutesy Valentine messages. Everything is always about loving someone else, or someone else loving you. Think for a moment: Do you ever see any cards that promote self-love?
When does one start loving themselves? As an infant, we experience unconditional love from others. Once we reach the toddler stage we are able to express our love more for others. As teenagers, sometimes we have our "first love". A sad but true fact is that many females only feel good enough when they're linked romantically to another person. The same could be said for males, although that is a psyche I have yet to master. All in all, the question remains the same: At what moment do we stop, look at ourselves in the mirror and say "I love you"? For many, this may seem a ridiculous notion. I wouldn't blame them for thinking that. It wasn't until I saw a YouTube video that inspired me so much that I began to adhere to that notion. It didn't last, I'll admit. Life gets in the way and you forget things. It's the little things that are really easy to forget, and sometimes the most important to remember.
It's easy to look at couples and think, I wish I had that. Since when does being with someone define your happiness? I understand what it is like to be in that single mode where you feel like you'd be happier with someone, and how you would feel wanted. Ladies, don't let a man determine your self-worth. Don't let romantic relationships be a need in your life. Instead, try to focus on you. This is something I've had a lot of practice with, and honestly am still getting the hang of. Just try to remember loving yourself first and foremost is the best thing you can do for yourself.
What Does it Mean to Focus on 'You'?
Shifting your focus to yourself can be a tricky thing to manage. Especially with activities such as jobs and school that keep you busy. Even just spending an hour a day doing something you love can be enough.
Here is my challenge for you: Write down every dream, aspiration, and wish you have in life. Figure out what you've achieved and how you got there. Now decide what you haven't achieved, and why.
No matter how many dreams you have, and how many you've accomplished, take time each day for yourself to work towards a goal- and don't do it for anyone else but yourself. You may come to find that the results will be better than anticipated.
How important is having the 'Ideal Valentine's Day' to you?
Think up the perfect Valentine's Day date: It can be a romantic dinner, a walk on the beach, a romcom at the movie theatre, or all three. Or, if you are single, your night could involve ice cream and a Nicholas Sparks novel-based movie. That is the typical view of singles on this commercial holiday. It doesn't have to be, though. Many women have 'single parties'. If you don't have a sweetie for this V-day, you can still make the best of it by inviting some close friends over and having some girl bonding time. And men, well... I am not sure what to suggest there. Have some of your bros over and play video games. Not having a relationship status isn't always about the chase!
Love Yourself First
In an article about self-love by therapist Drew Coster, he goes over some very important points about this concept. Self-love is about how you perceive yourself. It is not selfish. In fact, it would be selfish to not love yourself. Self-love involves caring for yourself, considering your needs, accepting yourself for all that you are, and knowing that it's okay to say "no" sometimes.
"Depression often happens when people conclude they're not good enough, or a failure...... amount of pressure they put on themselves to be all things to all people means they.... have absolutely no time to care for themselves," says Coster.
Consider this for a moment: How many times have you felt like a failure? How often do you not feel good enough? Why do you let how others perceive you define your worth?
Only YOU can do that. The power to feel good enough and to love yourself lies in you.
Once you learn to love yourself, loving another person and accepting all that they are is that much more tangible. It's hard to accept someone else if you can't accept yourself.
One More Thing...
This is incredible.