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Why Men Should Throw Away Their Checklists
Luggage? Check. Plane tickets? Check. Credit cards? Check.
Checklists are great for many purposes in our lives, but finding the right girl may not be one of them. Your checklist of physical and personal attributes will severely limit your dating pool and may even keep you from meeting a potential soul mate.
Just the facts.
You can go into any neighborhood in any city or community in the world and find “The One” perfect girl who will make all of your dreams come true.
There is no single magical soul mate. Great relationships are made, not found. The most compatible match for you in a hundred different cities may belong to a hundred different “types.”
Diminishing returns.
The more items you have on your wish list, the fewer wonderful women you will be able to consider. The chance of winning a lottery with just five or six variables is one in tens of millions.
Let’s say there are 5,000 available girls in your age range in your area. You want a brunette, so you’ve just eliminated 2,000. You want her to be about 5 feet 4 inches tall, so say goodbye to another 2,000.
That leaves 1,000. You think a girl who weighs 118 pounds would be nice, so let’s take away another 300 girls. Of course, she has to be a natural C-cup, so that eliminates another 600. Now we’re down to 100 possibilities.
You want a smart girl with a good job? That might be rare in the natural C-cup world, but let’s just cut it in half. No tattoos or piercings, half again. And willing to consider an open relationship, so let’s eliminate another two dozen.
So, at the end of this checklist of “must haves,” you’re down to one girl out of 5,000 – and she’s a serial killer. You’ll only meet maybe 500 of the 5,000 available girls, so even if she’s not a serial killer, you only have a one in 10 chance of ever meeting her.
Still, her personality may not be what you’re really looking for. Do you really think none of the other 4,999 girls would be worth checking out?
Leave room for fate.
It’s true you can zero in on more women who meet your checklist of qualifications if you look online. But you might have to drive farther to meet many of them, and online “chemistry” is no guarantee she will have that indefinable “something” that will really capture your imagination.
What keeps life interesting is the fact no two people are alike. Each new face we see is something we could never have imagined before we saw it. Each smile that comes our way has a little different effect on our heart and libido. One thing you can never specify on your checklist is the unexpected wonder you never imagined.
It might be that adorable overbite, the melodic lilt of her voice, her offbeat sense of humor or just her unexplainable kindness and attraction to you that catches you off guard. If your receptors are closed because she is 5 feet 1 inch tall, a B-cup and blonde, then you might miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime.
What really matters.
A relationship is a complex balance of indefinable variables, and its success can rarely be measured by any set of metrics we might set up in advance. You don’t always find what you really want and need in the most likely package.
The best advice is to take a chance on a girl who just has some sweet and endearing qualities or some common areas of interest. Then see how your checklists for the future compare. A few dates is not a commitment. Common goals, mutual respect and a growing physical attraction can launch a beautiful life together.
It might be time for you to consider dating a girl who isn’t a big boob instead of just girls who have big boobs. If she’s a girl, she has the plumbing to potentially rock your world and make you forget all about hair color, height and what she majored in.
Love is created and developed through shared moments and is never discovered whole and complete in one piece. Take a chance and you’ll be expanding your possibilities for success and happiness with a girl you never even imagined or dreamed of.
Comments
- Author
It's true, Ryan, individuals of both sexes have their checklists, but a mature adult recognizes that a person is so much more than a series of traits or physical characteristics. Too bad your friend missed out on someone who sounds like a real catch.
I didn’t realize men had checklists. I know a lot of women who do but no men. Your advice has parallels for both genders though. I completely agree, in fact I have one friend in particular who has all these ridiculous turn offs that are so petty she drives me nuts. She IS extremely beautiful but does not understand that “men” not boys actually are attracted to personality too. Obviously beauty sparks the initial interest but the flirtatious back and forth exposing each other’s sense of humor, intelligence, perspective etc. are the fire… The worst part is how shallow and pretentious she is. Now she is getting older and is desperately trying to find someone to procreate which is the biggest turnoff ever. She will not date anyone fewer than 6 feet tall yet she was obsessed with me in high school and continues to whine about finding someone exactly like me (because she wants children and I am all about being a father). The funny thing is I’m 5’9”. I feel bad for her because she is so insecure but tries to come off as extremely confident. She almost “jams” how confident she is down your throat. It’s very hard to witness. Anyway, great hub but I think it is more for women. If a man has a list I’m pretty sure he won’t be on a real woman’s radar. Love happens…
- Author
Well said, dashingscorpio. I agree--and as I said, there's no such thing as a perfect soulmate, and I believe in giving fair chances to potential partners. Even so, you shouldn't go out with someone who detests movies if you're a film buff, or someone who can only stomach PB&J's if you're a gourmet chef.
Excellent advice! (voted up and useful)
I agree with much of what you said. People do tend to (exclude) rather than (include) when it comes to finding a mate. We have 7 Billion people on the planet. If I say "The one" must be of my own race then most likely I'd be eliminating (6 Billion people) right off the bat without meeting a single one of them.
However I do believe it's important to have some type of criteria mainly regarding shared values, personality traits, and sense of humor. Physical attraction and chemistry are also important to establish a long-term relationship.
It's been said that "Men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. With age comes wisdom. Men learn everything that glitters is not gold and women learn actions speak louder than words." :-)
Not long ago author Lori Gottlieb wrote a book for women titled: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" I can't imagine a book like that being written for men and having it become a "best seller". I have never heard of a guy tell another guy he should date a girl simply because she is "nice". LOL!
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