- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Why Men Should Throw Away Their Checklists
Luggage? Check. Plane tickets? Check. Credit cards? Check.
Checklists are great for many purposes in our lives, but finding the right girl may not be one of them. Your checklist of physical and personal attributes will severely limit your dating pool and may even keep you from meeting a potential soul mate.
Just the facts.
You can go into any neighborhood in any city or community in the world and find “The One” perfect girl who will make all of your dreams come true.
There is no single magical soul mate. Great relationships are made, not found. The most compatible match for you in a hundred different cities may belong to a hundred different “types.”
The more items you have on your wish list, the fewer wonderful women you will be able to consider. The chance of winning a lottery with just five or six variables is one in tens of millions.
Let’s say there are 5,000 available girls in your age range in your area. You want a brunette, so you’ve just eliminated 2,000. You want her to be about 5 feet 4 inches tall, so say goodbye to another 2,000.
That leaves 1,000. You think a girl who weighs 118 pounds would be nice, so let’s take away another 300 girls. Of course, she has to be a natural C-cup, so that eliminates another 600. Now we’re down to 100 possibilities.
You want a smart girl with a good job? That might be rare in the natural C-cup world, but let’s just cut it in half. No tattoos or piercings, half again. And willing to consider an open relationship, so let’s eliminate another two dozen.
So, at the end of this checklist of “must haves,” you’re down to one girl out of 5,000 – and she’s a serial killer. You’ll only meet maybe 500 of the 5,000 available girls, so even if she’s not a serial killer, you only have a one in 10 chance of ever meeting her.
Still, her personality may not be what you’re really looking for. Do you really think none of the other 4,999 girls would be worth checking out?
Leave room for fate.
It’s true you can zero in on more women who meet your checklist of qualifications if you look online. But you might have to drive farther to meet many of them, and online “chemistry” is no guarantee she will have that indefinable “something” that will really capture your imagination.
What keeps life interesting is the fact no two people are alike. Each new face we see is something we could never have imagined before we saw it. Each smile that comes our way has a little different effect on our heart and libido. One thing you can never specify on your checklist is the unexpected wonder you never imagined.
It might be that adorable overbite, the melodic lilt of her voice, her offbeat sense of humor or just her unexplainable kindness and attraction to you that catches you off guard. If your receptors are closed because she is 5 feet 1 inch tall, a B-cup and blonde, then you might miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime.
What really matters.
A relationship is a complex balance of indefinable variables, and its success can rarely be measured by any set of metrics we might set up in advance. You don’t always find what you really want and need in the most likely package.
The best advice is to take a chance on a girl who just has some sweet and endearing qualities or some common areas of interest. Then see how your checklists for the future compare. A few dates is not a commitment. Common goals, mutual respect and a growing physical attraction can launch a beautiful life together.
It might be time for you to consider dating a girl who isn’t a big boob instead of just girls who have big boobs. If she’s a girl, she has the plumbing to potentially rock your world and make you forget all about hair color, height and what she majored in.
Love is created and developed through shared moments and is never discovered whole and complete in one piece. Take a chance and you’ll be expanding your possibilities for success and happiness with a girl you never even imagined or dreamed of.