- Gender and Relationships
10 Reasons Why People Don't Like You
As I was checking my Twitter account, I looked to the left and saw one of the trending topics was #WhyPeopleDontLikeYou. I laughed because I thought, “What a trend!”
Then I started thinking about it. There are some people with certain characteristics who clash with others. Since this is my hub, I will be writing it from my perspective. I know, I am not being very considerate. Maybe that is why people don’t like me. No, wait, everyone loves me… or do they?
Oh, all right. I will try to be fair. I will try to be considerate of others and what they would not like. Of course, each of us has different ideas of what we like and don’t like, but whatever… I will even start with myself.
Are you a funny person?
1. Annoyingly Funny
There are some people who are annoying when they try to be funny. I, on the other hand, along with my children, am funny. We sometimes go too far, though, especially when my very serious husband is around. I guess this could be construed as annoying... Sometimes we are able to get him to laugh at our antics: great jokes, funny faces, body contortions, dancing around him very closely as if we were about to offer him for a sacrifice – we don’t touch him. Most of the time he just sits with a stoic face. I’m just not sure why he doesn't find us funny.
It is when you THINK you are funny and are taking it too far that you might lose your audience. Unlike my husband, who is a captive lifer, some people will just walk out on you when you have taken it too far. You have to know when to pull back the reigns and stop when you see people forcing laughter then stealing away into the shadows to escape you. I have never lost an audience. If you have, cool your heels because you are annoying.
Example of a Negative Response to "How are you?"
Here is an example of a conversation I have run into with students (parents, teachers, pay attention so you can help train this outta our youngsters).
Me: How are you?
Student: It sucks. I have to work today.
Me: Did you apply for that job?
Me: Are you making money?
Me: Isn’t that what you wanted? A job and money?
Student: Well, yeah, but…
Me: (Putting hand up) No. Feel lucky you have a job and suck it up and quit complaining as if it were a bad thing that you have to go to work and make money.
(End of conversation and the student never complains about work in front of me. The student is much more positive when I ask “How are you?”.)
2. You Are Negative when Asked “How are you?”
I believe as polite adults all of us have asked, “How are you?” Sometimes twenty or more times a day. Most of the time, we do not expect a response, but sometimes we get one. If it is a positive response, people love that unless you are telling a long winded story to lead up to it.
It is when you come back with a negative story about everyday life that people don’t like. People really don’t care if you are tired, have to work, have a cramp in your foot, or have had a fight with your significant other who you will be holding hands with by the end of the day.
When someone asks on the fly, "How are you?" give an "I'm fine," or "I'm good." All of us have problems and issues, but most should be kept to ourselves because the hard truth is people don't give two hoots about your present but not constant problem or issue. Put on a cheery face and stop putting out that negative vibe because it will follow and label you.
Are you unintentionally negative?
Are you approachable?
3. You Seem Unapproachable
I know my profile picture has this big smile, but I have one of those faces that is hard when I am not smiling. As a teacher, I have to be very conscious of my facial expressions because kids are so sensitive and believe the world revolves around them. They will leave saying, “She hates me.” Good grief. I know this about myself so I work on it because I don’t want people thinking I am having bitchy thoughts when I am not. As a matter of fact, I might be nearly comatose without a thought in my head, and someone will say, “Is something wrong?” I hate that.
Now, my husband thrives on being unapproachable. He is a great guy, but he is not nearly as funny as his wife and kids and is very serious. He truly does not care whether people like him or not. He assures me that most men feel this way – he oozes self-confidence and I wanna smack him for it. He not only has a stern, serious look, but he has a look of “I’ll rip your head off and $#!+ down your throat” look, too. Plus, he is really tall and broad and could actually do that. He is like the stereotypical big biker dude who looks mean but is the best guy in the world and would give you the shirt off his back to help you. He does not mean to look that way. It is just the way it is.
Since I am a teacher, I can’t be scaring kids off and am constantly on guard. As for my husband, I am sure this unapproachable look has helped him in his military career as a leader and in his present job. This look keeps the irrelevant, menial stuff out of his office. If you have a real problem, he'll deal with it. If you are whining about there not being enough toilet paper in the bathroom, he'll tell you to get the hell out and find the toilet paper. I have actually had people tell me they were afraid of him. Some people don’t like him because they are afraid to approach him. He doesn't care; whereas, it bothers me to be misunderstood.
If you have a harsh look about you and do not even realize it, you may have people "thinking" you are an unapproachable cur. True or not, it may be why people don't like you.
Do you make excuses?
4. You Make Excuses
Ah, the ever present excuse. Kind of like giving a negative narrative to “How are you?” people do not want to hear your excuses.
“Why are you late?”
“Well, I was driving this morning, and uh, a deer jumped out in front of me. I slammed on the breaks and skid into the ditch. A farmer came by, but he had his pregnant wife with him and he couldn’t help me because just as he got out to put the chain on my fender, she went into labor, and they had to leave. I mean, they had to leave right then because she was screaming and yelling, ‘You did this to me. This is your fault.’ I couldn’t believe it…”
Interrupting. “Why didn’t you use your cell phone to call someone?”
“Oh yeah, I was in such shock after going off the road that I forgot about my cell phone and when I picked it up, I saw it was dead. I forgot to charge it last night…”
STOP! ENOUGH! Just say, “I overslept.” If you don’t oversleep every day, you are not going to be a problem but if you have a long, rambling excuse, a red flag is going to go up. Bosses don’t like it. Friends don’t like it. People, in general, don’t like it. Just state the facts. Even if it is a fault on your part, you are going to be respected for your honesty.
I fall back on my teaching experience. I have heard ALL kinds of excuses about missing assignments. I respect a kid for saying, “I don’t have it,“ or “I left it at home,” or even “I didn’t do it.” I can ask why the student left it or didn’t do it. If it is reasonable, I am willing to listen and even work with the kid because I know what I am working with. When I am given an excuse, I feel like I am hearing an extravagant lie and I shut down.
If you think you are getting by on excuses with the people in your life, WISE UP! They are on to you, and you are not being respected because they can't trust you. You may find that some people drop out of your life.
Are you a negative person?
5. You Are Negative About Everything and Everyone
People want to be happy. People want to be content. People want to have fun. When you are having a discussion with someone and you only see the negative in the subject, you are a wet blanket on their happiness, contentment, fun, etc. You are the rain on their parade.
As stated above, there are annoyingly funny people, but the answer to that is not being the opposite, which is being the negative person. Snap out of it! Get rid of that black cloud that constantly hangs over your head. You will be more productive and people will want to be around you if you put on a happy face, even during hard times. Your life is what you make it, and every day is a blessing. Embrace it so others will embrace you. Otherwise, don't whine about not having any friends - self-evaluate now!
Do you talk without taking a breath?
6. You Talk Nonstop Without Transitions
We have all experienced people who will not shut up and allow others to talk. If you talk nonstop without transitions or even a breath between topics, you are going to wear people out. They may be polite and tune you out by nodding every now and then as you drone on, or they may get fed up and stop calling you or avoid being around you.
When you talk and talk and talk, you are being inconsiderate of what others may add to the conversation. Also, you may be talking about things that others do not care about.
Stop it. Put a sock in it, for the love of all that is good in this world! Please! Take a breath, and let others respond or even change the subject. You don’t have to “entertain” people with the minutia of your life. Learn to listen and observe others. You may be the friendliest person but if you don’t know when to shut up, you are going to lose people in your life.
Are you a drama queen?
7. You Are a Drama Queen
Is there ALWAYS some kind of drama in your life?
Does chaos and havoc lie in your wake because you stirred things up?
Well, you might enjoy being the center of attention for a while. You might even gain some sympathy, but people catch on when you are a repeat offender.
Being a drama queen is a relationship killer – any kind of relationship.
If you are running around with people who are enabling you, then you are going to be drudged down in all the muck someday. It will be a real eye opener and a cause for you to feel some real drama by yourself when you are left alone.
The saying, “No one likes a drama queen” is true. Cut it out! Cut! Cut! Cut!
Do you carry a chip on your shoulder?
8. You Carry a Chip on Your Shoulder
Okay, I talked about having an unapproachable presence with the way you look or carry yourself, and I even admit that I have to watch myself for that “look.”
If you are looking unapproachable and you have a terrible, nasty attitude to go along with it, you probably have a chip on your shoulder. Knock it off… No, seriously, knock the chip off your shoulder.
The world owes you nothing, and you have to live in it. If you want to live in misery, fine, keep to yourself and stew in your own juices.
If you want to enjoy life, stop blaming things on what has happened in your past and move forward. Again, self-evaluate and realize we are responsible for our own lives and happiness. If you become a more mature, likeable person, your quality of life is going to explode exponentially.
Do you try to "one-up" others' stories or experiences?
9. You Are a "One Upper"
You are at a party. Everyone is talking and you walk up to a group and they stop talking. Why? Because every time a story is told, you have to top it with something bigger, better or worse, or even condescending to the one who was telling the original story. People don’t like to share their moment of fame. Let them have it. Wait a bit, and if you see an opening to tell your story, tell it.
It is not impressive to outshine everyone who shares something with you, especially in a group of people. It shows how selfish you are and how you cannot listen to others long enough to give understanding. Competition is good, but constant “one upping” is against the rules and will leave you alone with your “better story.”
Do you think YOU are ALL THAT?
10. You Are the Center of the Universe
You have the brains. You have the hair. You have the style. You have the body. You also have the “better-than-everyone-else” air about you. In high school you might have peaked and had everyone falling for it, but then you hit the real world. Your arrogance turns people off. Your self-centeredness and love of self are not respected.
PULL YOUR HEAD OUT! People think you are a pompous ass! You are no longer the prom king or queen. You have to prove yourself on many different levels beyond the surface. Unless you are another Brad Pitt, who, by the way, had to humble himself to many demeaning jobs while he worked his way to stardom, get over yourself because you have to exist in this world and it is NOT at your feet.
Just Fix It
I am sure I have hit a chord with some. Keep in mind I am listing some of my own faults I know I need to work on. Some people may not care about being liked. Some people want to be liked but don’t understand why they are not. We should always self-evaluate if we want to be successful. Being irritating, unapproachable, conceited, and/or unlikable may be getting in your way to success.
If you know people who have unlikable characteristics that fit those described above, figure out a way to let them know – you are helping them. I have a dream of being Judge Judy for a day just so I can say what I think.
Maybe we should all read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Old material that still holds true today.
Dale Carnegie Has the Answers
- What To Do When People Don't Like You
How do we deal with people who don’t like us? We say: “Let them fly, I don’t care what they think and say about me.” But on what chair do you sit when you say this?
© 2013 Susan Holland