- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Why Our Relationships Fall Apart - PART 2
Loss of Connection
When people say they aren't communicating anymore, what they are really saying, at least on an unconscious level, is that they don't feel connected to their partner anymore. That's all communication is, a form of connecting to each other.
When a lack of connection is created, trust becomes an issue, and a lack of trust means a negative form of uncertainty, which continues the rebound effect and starts to create another whole in our need for significance. When we feel uncertain about our relationship, insignificant to our partner and there seems to be a loss of connection, the last thing we feel is loved by our lover or in love with them ourselves.
Outside Sources of Fulfillment
As said in PART 1 - Misunderstanding the Sexes, when our basic human needs are not met in our relationship, then it will be met elsewhere. It will manifest in either negative ways to fulfill the needs, such as fighting, sabotaging or arguing constantly. Or the needs will be met with sources outside of the relationship.
Our needs can be met through being a work-a-holic, overactive-gaming, going to family, too much time with friends, too many projects (such as cars), social networking, etc.. etc..
The method really doesn't matter, what matters is that when one or both partners start to fulfill their needs outside of the relationship, the relationship starts to fall apart. The basic foundation of a healthy strong relationship (that has what it takes to make it through anything) - is a foundation where all our basic human needs met inside the relationship.
Ignoring the Darkside...
We all have a Light and Dark side, good and bad, whatever way you find most enticing. We all have it, so there is no need to try and deny it!
Maybe you have deep fantasies that you'd never want to share with anyone, but you'd love it if your partner psychicly knew what they were and acted them out with you. Or maybe you sometimes like to have a passionate fight (over nothing in particular) just to enjoy the process of passionate-making-up. Sex isn't the only way we feel our dark side, but sex and seduction are a large part of our "darker" needs.
Other ways we might seek to sate our dark side, could be through dangerous hobbies like off-roading, partying, being a rockstar/rapper, gambling or other past times.
It's important to embrace your darker side, and that same side of your partner and to recognize when there is a void in the place where those darker needs are not met. Now, I'm not saying that your dark side is more important than your Light side, which needs fulfillment to. Though more often then not, the light side is met easily, through loyalty and cooperation, and the dark side is cast aside because it is often stigmatized as wrong or not important.
When either your light side or your dark side is not acknowledged, either by your own inability to be comfortable with your dark side, or by your partners inability to fulfill your dark side (or theirs), the relationship will start to fall apart.
Just as with proximity, passion is also vital to a strong and healthy relationship. Passion physically, mentally, spiritually and independently. This is an aspect that often fades when we start to experience a lack of variety in other areas of the relationship, and is another quick relationship killer.
When one partner stops kissing passionately on a frequent basis, or stops calling just to flirt during the day. When one stops initiating any intimacy, or the other doesn't want to go out and create new adventure trails anymore. When the passion dies out, other needs begin to be effected, and the cycle begins again.
Lack of Unconditional Love
Most relationships in our current era, have both partners focusing on being "equal" partners. "You go your way, I'll go mine, and we'll met somewhere in the middle sometimes."
In a truly loving relationship, we need to give and receive unconditional love. It can't be the "If I get love, then I'll give love" sort of situation, otherwise neither of you will ever feel loved. It's a cop out, because both sides want more and more and will continue to feel they are getting less and less. Though when you give love unconditionally, then you receive it unconditionally, which fills up both of your emotional cups.