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Why She Put You In The Friend Zone

Updated on May 6, 2014

I have a friend that is always being put in the friend zone, I’m starting to feel bad for him. It’s nothing against him personally; as one of his buds I know he would treat a girl right, but he never gets the chance.

The same thing happens to him every time: he meets a girl, spends time with them for a few weeks, and when he wants to take to the next level, she hits him with the “You’re great, but I think of you as just a friend” bomb.

That statement always hurts. Like being stabbed with a rusty knife, putting your hand on a salt-filled stove, being a Cubs’ fan, it’s the worst thing. It does happen to the best of us, but it shouldn’t happen all the time. Here is probably the reason why you have the same chance with her as her brother.

You Waited Too Long

These days, thanks to the internet and mobile apps, dating multiple people at the same time is very common. I almost guarantee you that the girl you’re on this first date with is probably seeing 1 or more guys. Dating is becoming less the way to find and more of a game of survivor; it’s competitive, dirty, and going on way longer than it should. It could be very likely that you’re the one that she likes the most, but if you wait too long to make that move and make her yours, this will be the only time that she’ll take the man that comes first.

You Made Yourself Too Available


Woman are notorious for wanting things they can’t have; the dress they can’t afford, the really fattening cheesecake, Ryan Gosling shirtless serving them a margarita. The same goes with guys. The more you make yourself available, the more she’ll get bored with you. The object is to leaving wanting more, keep her intrigued.

Do not make her your number one priority. For example, when you start seeing her, don’t take her out on a Friday or Saturday night. Try a weekend afternoon or weekday night, but make her believe you have bigger priorities on the weekends. She’ll want to know what’s your nightlife is like and it’ll keep you on her mind.

You’re Too Nice

“Nice guys finish last.” Huge cliché, making the Hulk look like Tyrion Lannister with his legs cut off huge, but there’s usually a reason why these are clichés, because they’re true. Always texting and asking how her day was, being a shoulder to cry on; you think this is going to get her picturing you as the perfect guy for her, but all she is saying is that she’s so lucky to have such a great friend available to her.

I’m not saying be a full on asshole to her, I’m suggesting do not go out of your way to do things for her. If it’s something that takes no effort on your part, than do it, besides that don’t bother. Most guys are doing whatever they can to get her attention, not doing so will make you stand out and it’ll intrigued her as to why.

You Put Her On A Pedistal

Or as I call it Helen of Troy Syndrome. Men sometimes hold woman up as some higher life form that we cannot are worthy of. When we do this, we have already lost the battle. A woman will know when she can take advantage of you and she take it as far as she can.

You need to treat as just another person. If you two are at a bar together, have her pay for a round. She'll know that just can't get anything for you without giving something back.

You Weren’t Confident Enough To Flirt

You want to sleep with this woman? You have to put in the notion that you want to sleep with this woman. You have to get her thinking that you can more than friends with her and that takes flirting. Find ways to touch her, grab her hand, whisper in her ear. Body contact will create some sexual tension, it will get her thinking about other body parts of yours.

Make her laugh. Most woman say what they look for in a man is humor. You’ll keep her attention you can keep a smile on her face.

Make the bold moves. Tell her she looks sexy in that dress, invite her to your apartment after the bar. Make sure she knows that you are interesting in her as more friend.

Have you been put in the friend zone?

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