"Why Waiters, Waitresses Hate You": The Essential List

Does it ever occur to you when you visit your favorite-of-favorites restaurant and the very minute that the staff notices you enter, they all stop talking, start whispering, and pointing at you?

Have you?

Well, if you have noticed any or all of these things, then something about you frequenting “this” restaurant is out of focus.

Maybe it’s not apparent to you. Maybe it’s been going on for a long time and the restaurant staff is just too nice to say anything to you for fear of offending you.

Ya’ think?

In all honesty I could see the restaurant staff treating you like you were a leper, if you were, in fact, a leper. And I would certainly understand why they have suddenly started treating you like a total stranger if you had, on purpose, said vulgar things to them and were guilty of sexual harassments toward the female waiters.

But friend. I am afraid that there is something much-more serious, and larger afoot here. Something, that if left unchecked, might mushroom into something worse.

And we wouldn’t want that. Would we?

Let’s “start from scratch,” and examine this cold-shoulder treatment you are now receiving from a once-super-friendly restaurant staff who thought of you as a dear friend, an uncle, and a great American neighbor.

What you do for a living has a lot to do with how you are treated when you visit a restaurant. Bet you didn’t know that.

It’s true.

Time was that male supervisors, office managers, factory superintendents, when they visited a restaurant for lunch with their aloof-minded buddies, they took on a certain “air,” about them that made the average diner seem small.

And it was all in the way that these high-minded males in powerful jobs acted.

Think I am setting you up for a joke? Think again.

These high-minded, self-serving men managers, although when they were home, were humble as Job in the Bible, but when in a restaurant during their lunch hour, it was like someone waved a magic wand over them and they began . . .

1. winking at waitresses.
2. asking waitresses for their phone numbers.
3. promising the waitresses a job “if,” the poor girls would only go out on a date with these power brokers who were mostly married men.

That was in the mid-70’s.

But as the 80’s and 90’s silently came through and society began to, for lack of a better word, “mellow,” men such as these began to tone themselves and their forward talk and suggestive gestures down.

But still, and I am now back to you, my confused friend, who was stunned only yesterday at his nearby Denny’s when you and your best buddy, “Danny,” came in to have lunch only to be greeted so coldly by the restaurant staff that you wished you had worn an overcoat.

Something, my friend, is wrong with what you are doing, or something you are not doing. Probably something you are doing and until now, never realized how offensive it was toward others.

No harm. No foul.

I can help you fix this in no time. All you really have to do is answer my first 10 questions on what you do or say when you enter “this” or any restaurant and then follow my answers to the letter--if you want things between you and the waiters, waitresses, cooks, and managers to be back the way they were.

So welcome to my “Why Do Waitresses Hate Me Quiz”
Answer each question as honest with yourself as possible.

1. Do you, upon entering the restaurant, stop, pose against the wall with your butt in the air and say (for the restaurant help to hear you), “is this pose hot or what?”
2. Do you, when walking to your booth, hold your arms in the air as if to signal, “where’s the applause?”
3. Do you, when you sit down in your booth, grab a menu and comment, “let’s see what road-kill’s on special today?”
4. Do you, although you do not recognize the new restaurant help, wink and throw kisses at them while they are working?
5. Do you, when your food arrives, clap your hands loudly (to secure other diner’s attention) and remark, “finally, a girl (or boy) who knows just whom “I” am?”
6. Do you, if dining with friends, tell off-color jokes and laugh like a mule that has just been fed a few bushels of Loco Weed?
7. Do you “always” find something either about the food or service to complain to your waitress--and in a voice where everyone can hear you?
8. Do you brag loudly what type of job you have?
9. Do you take out your checkbook and say, “oh no! Only ten-thousand dollars in my checking account! How does a guy like me get-by in today’s economic state?”
10. Do you, while you wait to pay your check, make near-rude remarks such as: “me? Pay? I eat here so much that “you” need to pay “me” and this one: “with service like I had today, you expect me to pay for it? Thanks to my elderly waitress, I missed two high-level meetings.

Now let us examine each of these 10 questions about what you do when you enter your favorite restaurant and see what we come up with?

As per Question 1, please don’t be hurt, but you are no male model for Playgirl. And no one, including the female help at your favorite restaurant is remotely-interested in your body that is carrying extra-poundage, numerous “love handles,” and so out-of-shape that the walk to your booth will leave you wheezing for breath.
Question 2: you are not a celebrity, my dear disillusioned friend. You are by no means a Jay Leno, so please do not embarrass yourself, and others, by “acting” as if you need some type of accolades just for walking to your booth to eat your lunch. This restaurant staff is not ignorant. They know who is famous and who’s not. Sorry to be so blunt, but you are NOT famous. Just be you. No more. No less and the restaurant staff just might start “taking a shine” to you.
Question 3: when you make ignorant, rash remarks like comparing this restaurant’s food items with road kill, do you really, honestly expect to be treated any other way than with a snide look and being ignored by the waiters, waitresses and cooks? Think, friend. Please. If you “give” an ounce of kindness, you might receive a pound of kindness back.
Question 4: if you in fact, wink and throw kisses at the female waitresses although you do not know them, you have already marked yourself as a stalker or someone who admires women and not in a good way. Keep the winks and kisses for the waitresses only when you have known them for at least six months. Then they won’t be secretly calling the cops each time you drop in to eat at their dining establishment.
Question number 5: save your clapping for a theater production, not a sarcastic gesture to shame a waitress who might not be as fast bringing your food as you would like. These girls and boys are human. And with human failings. Be considerate by keeping your mouth shut. And you “can” applaud sincerely if they ask is your food the way you wanted it. Then give them a sincere hand-clap. They will appreciate that.
Question number 6: believe this or not, waitresses and waiters do not appreciate off-color humor and they really despise someone whose laugh (like you) that can shake the plaster off of the ceiling. If you must tell your stale, off-color jokes and then laugh at them yourself, do it quietly. The restaurant staff will appreciate the respect.
Question number 7: okay. I give you credit for this one. Not all restaurants serve great food. But if you land in one that doesn’t serve food to your liking, kindly tell the manager in a discrete manner and tell him to “not” get your waitress in trouble. Just tell him or her in a civil manner that you were not pleased with your food and guess what? You might get your next meal “on the house.” But do not do this for that reason alone. If you like the food, then tell the manager and all of the restaurant workers. How will they know if they are doing a good job or not?
Question number 8: buddy, I hate to be the “harbinger of bad news,” but there are not many people, including restaurant staff, who really care what type of job you have. Now if you are President Obama’s “right-hand man,” then yes. Be proud of this position, but be humble about it. No one loves a “wind bag.” Keep saying this to yourself and you will come out okay.
Question number 9: (see my response above concerning people not caring about your job title.) I got more news for you. People dining in a restaurant do not “give a rip” about how much money you have in your checking account. By the way, broadcasting your checking account amount to strangers is an ignorant move by you. One of the people in this crowd just might be a criminal who loves to kidnap people with money and ask for a huge ransom for their safe return. Now. Do you want to tell everyone how much you have in the bank?
Question number 10: as per this question, refer to my answer on Question number 2, about you “not” being famous. I know that you firmly-believe in the power of positive thinking and projecting a positive self-image, but please. You are just a diner like all the rest, not The Pope. Or David Letterman, who would be glad to pay for their meal. And if you “ever” in your life, achieve fame, wealth and power, remember, “the most-loved rich man is the most-humble, quietest, and servant of all.”

Now allow me to share with you, “10 Things You Can Do To Make Waiters and Waitresses Always Love You”

1. Never speak to them with a toothpick in your mouth. This looks like a smart-alec. And you do not want to be a smart-alec in a restaurant, or somehow, I believe that a restaurant just might have an employee named, “Brody,” who is well-trained in self-defense and loves to “bounce” smart-alec’s out on their rump.

2. When you enter a restaurant, do not make a big deal out it. Just walk slowly and quietly to your booth and sit down. Now what was so hard about that?

3. When your waiter or waitress comes to your booth, greet them with a smile and not a, “I grew old waiting on you,” because if you “do” use an ignorant remark like this, you have just guaranteed yourself the longest time in getting your food ever recorded.

4. When you take a few bites of your food, check the attitude. That includes taking long breaths, rolling of your eyes, and loud, harsh remarks like, “did they have to scrape this off the interstate to feed me?” If you do not like your food, big deal. Order something else. Unless you really “love” to be hated by restaurant employees.

5. When you dine with friends in a restaurant, try to be the quietest member of the group. Waiters and waitresses have this “seventh sense,” about whom is the bully, the smart-alec and “wind bag.”

6. Be cordial to the waitress. Share a nice word of encouragement with them and even if “you” do not feel like it. Remember, you are not in their shoes. They are working very hard on tips to just pay their electric bill.

7. Do not leave your table or booth in such a mess that it looks like family of hogs have dined there. I am sincere. Waitresses and waiters, even restaurant managers hate this out of anyone. And it will not hurt you in the least to leave your booth or table as clean as you can.

8. Pay the bill. Plain. Simple. Do not try to “con” the new girl into giving you a freebie. If asked, “was everything alright?” just reply, “yes, very much,” pay the tab and leave. That one kind remark will help the restaurant a lot more than your standing at the cash register holding up the line--hoping that your athletic-body might get you a big percentage off of your bill.

9. If you must cough, or laugh out loud, do it as quietly as possible. Show some respect for others in a diner or restaurant. You might be remembered for your kindness. You never know.

10. Share a compliment about something other than food. “I like the comfort of the booths here,” or something in that vanacular. Restaurant owners and managers, believe it or not, appreciate customers who do this.

Writing this hub was tough work. And it took me close to two days to complete for I want my works to be as good as I can get them.

Not for my benefit, but for the benefit of my followers and future followers.

Now that I’ve covered all I can about “Why You Are Hated By Waiters and Waitresses,” . . .I am starving to death.

Anyone care if I tag along with you to your restaurant?

I promise you this: “I” will do my best to abide by the advice in “this” hub or you can just leave me sitting at the restaurant with no ride home.

I take my work seriously.