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Why You Should Never Spy on Your Partner's Phone

Updated on June 25, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Not Wanting To Show You is Not Evidence Of Guilt

If you ask to see your partners phone and they refuse, this is not necessarily evidence of guilt. Why are you asking? Have they given you a reason to be concerned that they are up to no good or are you insecure for no good reason?

We all have a right to privacy and it's a completely reasonable desire. Where do you draw the line? It's not a persons right to scroll through their partners contacts or read their messages.

If your partner has given you a reason to want to look at their phone then they will probably have deleted any incriminating texts anyway. You won't find what you are looking for and they'll probably feel resentment that you have asked. Even when a partner has handed you their phone without resistance, you have eroded trust.

When There is No Justification For Distrust

When you have distrust but have no reason or evidence that anything untoward is going on then the problem is all yours. Insecurity leads to trust issues that aren't really founded in anything other than paranoia.

Either your emotional needs aren't being met or you have had trust issues in past that are impacting your current relationship. Either way, you should address your own trust issues before attempting to prove guilt or innocence. In either case, looking through his phone is not the answer.

When You do Have Cause to Snoop

When you really do have cause to be suspicious then you might be better off asking yourself if this is the best relationship for you. Toxic relationships become even more so when your mistrust gets out of control.

You question, he lies. Around and around it goes.

Ask yourself how spying like this will help you in the long-run. So you look once, you don't find anything incriminating that time. Do you look again or do you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt?

Wether you outright ask to look at his phone or you take a sneaky-peek when he leaves it on the kitchen table. Either is destructive.

When you don't find anything, you've set a precedent. You'll do it again, it will become a habit you can't break and will end up being your form of normal.

You've Been Cheated On In The Past

This is not your current partners problem. He should not be subjected to such an invasion of privacy based on someone else's indiscretion. Remember, once you have asked to look at his phone, then you have hammered the first nail into the coffin of your relationship.

All relationships are different. Just because your last relationship ended badly it doesn't mean that this one is doomed to do the same. What I can say without a doubt is that if you start looking at his phone then this one will most definitely go that way and it will all be of your own doing.

Respect your partner and yourself by letting the relationship develop. Don't make it tough on you both for no good reason.

If you feel the need to look at his phone ask yourself how you would feel if it were the other way around.

What do you consider okay anyway. What if you find a text from a female colleague? Is that a deal-breaker? You'll end up reading more into a simple friendly exchange. He'll resent the intrusion and he'll then feel as if he has to delete any messages he gets that you might deem inappropriate. And there you go. You have created a feeling of guilt that he shouldn't have. Now he feels that he has to hide perfectly harmless exchanges from you. He's doing nothing wrong yet he feels as if he is guilty.

Trust Your Intuition But Don't Force It

I'm all for trusting your intuition. If you are hit with a feeling that something isn't right then trust that feeling.

I had that feeling once and I was right. My Dad followed the person in question on a night that I thought he was going to see another woman. That night he didn't. He was seeing a friend, It was perfectly innocent. That night. My Dad was racked with guilt and regretted suggesting spying on my ex.

It was the wrong thing to do. All I really needed to do was to trust what I already knew deep down. He was cheating and I didn't need proof, not really.

So you might look and not find a thing, but that won't stop you from knowing. You'll then try to convince yourself that he is innocent. You'll tell yourself you're being a crazy woman. Finally you'll get the physical proof and you'll have wasted a load of time convincing yourself otherwise simply because he'd deleted her texts. Trust your own mind but don't let previous relationship issues govern this one.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      11 months ago from Chicago

      Very sound advice!

      "Why are you asking? Have they given you a reason to be concerned that they are up to no good or are you insecure for no good reason?

      We all have a right to privacy and it's a completely reasonable desire." The minute you no longer trust your mate the relationship is over. Generally speaking a lack of trust means on some level you believe you care more about them than they care about you.

      In some instances this may be the result of your own insecurities because you've either been cheated on in the past or you simply can't believe someone as great as your partner is could really be all that into YOU. This usually causes one to sabotage things.

      An innocent person who is accused or made to feel as if they are dishonest or engaged in "shady behavior" will resent you going forward. On the other hand if you are (not) an insecure person you should trust your instinct and walk away if cheating is a "deal breaker" for you.

      Life is too short to be investing your time be running around playing "private detective" for the purpose of stroking your ego to show him/her how (smart) you are because you "caught them". If you're leaving the end result is the same.

      Whenever you don't trust someone it's impossible to relax and enjoy being in the relationship. That makes it hard to ever truly be happy. It makes no sense to be with people you don't trust!

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