- Gender and Relationships»
Why are so many single people looking for love?
All the lonely people
The Beatles had a hit with their song Eleanor Rigby that examined the lives of lonely people. It asked "Where do they all come from?"
Today we have what many people claim is an over-populated planet, and yet there are millions of lonely people looking for love and unable to find it. This doesn't make much sense that in a world of billions so many cannot find a partner, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
So why is it that so many are unable to find love and are unable to meet with the man or woman of their dreams? Why are people unable to come upon their soul mates or perfect partners?
Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Social networking profiles
Look in popular social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace and there are loads of people who have single as their status. People often post that they are looking for love.
I am in this category myself. I know one thing is for sure and that is that good looks, talent, and intelligence are no guarantee of finding a partner. Some people think that money is the key but there are wealthy single people too who have no luck in matters of the heart.
Others say that as you get older it becomes more difficult to find a partner but again this isn't really the case, although with me it does apply. There are plenty of young people who are unable to find love. I know when I was younger I had very little success and the only difference for me personally was I was far more desperate to find someone then, and was emotionally hurt that I was failing to do so when I was younger.
When I was younger my heartbreak led me to take drugs heavily and to drink excessively. I suffered serious depression and my life was a mess.
I have tried both the looking for love and letting it find you approaches and can say that the first works better but does not guarantee any long term success.
There are many reasons people are unable to find partners. In my own case I suffer from acute shyness and fear of rejection, and I would say those are my greatest barriers to finding anyone. I know that rejection makes you think this will happen again and again and can make you give up on even trying to approach someone you fancy.
As you get older you are supposed to become more experienced but in my case it has worked the other way. The long periods I have been single and the less experience I have gained in being in a relationship have not helped me find a new one at all but rather have made me end up thinking I never will again.
I have been on my own now for the last ten years apart from a few dates I have gone on with women on a platonic level. I went out a few times with two lesbian women one after the other before I left the UK and that was frustrating for me because I fancied them. It led me to wonder why I was attracting women who were gay as friends. I never found out why that was.
I have found out that ideas about what makes a person attractive to others are often no more than ideas. For example being tall and blue-eyed is supposed to help your chances but I can't say these characteristics have helped me much. Being a singer and a guitarist is another thing that is supposed to make you a success with women but again I cannot claim to have seen any evidence of this in my own experience.
Compatibility is very important I would say in a relationship. I have only ever finished with one girlfriend and that was when I was in my '20s, and was because I found it difficult to be with her because she would never suggest anything or have anything much to say but would just agree with anything I said. If I asked what she wanted to do she would say "I don't mind."
Elaine was a very pretty girl but we had little in common and I stopped seeing her. I then had to deal with her friends telling me how hurt she was and that made me feel bad and so I decided I would not want to go through this again.
Of the women I have loved and had relationships with at least two I know are now dead so there is no possibility we could get back together in this life.
Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart (Full Music Video)
The most important relationships I ever had were with women born under the signs of Pisces, Cancer and Capricorn. I am supposed to be compatible with Fire signs but have only had one more than just good friends relationship with anyone born under Aries, Leo or Sagittarius and that didn't last long and was way back in the 70s. Neither of us finished with each other though.
I have found I have got used to being on my own. It is not what I wanted but there are many things I have not been able to do or get and have come to understand that this is another.
In my case I have been living with a cat for the last five years so I have a loving companion and I would recommend that all lonely people get themselves a dog or cat because they offer unconditional love and will never dump you for someone else.
I know that there are millions of people out there who hate being single and I do wonder why we have ended up with a world in which so many people cannot find the love they are seeking.
The subject of loneliness and the search for love has inspired many hit songs such as Neil Diamond's Solitary Man, Neil Young's Heart of Gold and Feargal Sharkey's Good Heart.
"A good heart these days is hard to find True love, the lasting kind A good heart these days is hard to find So please be gentle with this heart of mine."
Copyright © 2012 Steve Andrews. All Rights Reserved.