- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Why do we get attracted to others?
Attraction is the most natural thing in the world. Being attracted to someone is our way of showing the connection to this world. Attraction is not the same as falling in love, although it could be. It is the first step and the outcome may be very different, depending on the situation, personality and circumstances. Either way, it is a nice place to be, as you don’t need to make a move and can just enjoy it from the safety of your secrecy. Being attracted to someone may have many different forms. It can sometimes turn into love but mostly it doesn’t.
Attraction towards enemy
Some believe you may develop attraction to your enemy. It is a phenomenon that is backed up by the idea that you can’t truly hate someone unless you love them. Love and hate and very similar in their nature – they are both very strong feelings. People tend to act on their feelings and that’s why the situation like that occurs. Basically, you need to have feelings for the person you hate, otherwise you just wouldn’t care. Getting attracted to the person you dislike is the first step of the path towards developing love feelings for them. In fact, falling in love with your enemy may be highly rewarding, as people tend to develop stronger and long lasting relationships with someone who has opposite opinions and views. The process works the other way around too – if you truly love somebody, it’s easy to hate them at some point.
Attraction towards stranger
Getting attracted to a stranger is very natural – people do it all the time. Particularly teenagers tend to get attracted to TV stars and pop singers. Adults may often be attracted to a stranger taking the same bus or train, colleague you have never spoken to or a book character. Naturally, we tend to hide our feelings and pretend there is nothing there. Sometimes it only lasts for a moment while for others it may go on for months and even years. Taking steps to turn the attraction into something more may require a lot of effort and courage and result in unpredictable outcome. That’s why most people don’t do anything about it and just keep wondering.
Expressing your attraction towards someone may be difficult because of the fears you might have – what if they don’t see me like that? Most probably they don’t. But guess what -it’s up to you to change that. But don’t rush it, give them time. Dumping too much on one person may be devastating and will ruin everything.
How to let someone know you are attracted to them?
Well, that’s a tricky question. Assuming it is someone you see every day, it may not be as easy as it sounds. Firstly, you can’t be sure they won’t make fun of you. Secondly, they might not feel the same way. And lastly, most important – your own feelings may change once you take it one step further. What if the person turns out to be something completely different? Maybe keeping your dreams of them to yourself is the best option?
If you are ready to take baby steps, start with your connection – make a small talk, create eye contact, find out who the person really is. Do you have anything in common? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Are you interested in continuing as friends? It’s easy to confuse simple attraction with falling in love, as both feelings are very similar. Here is the difference: Love needs more to work with. It’s not enough to simply like the person and like the same movies.
How to cope with the feeling
If being attracted to someone is already distracting you from everyday life, it might be the time to do something about it. There is no point in sitting around, waiting and wondering. It might be the hardest thing you’ll ever do but you need to be honest with yourself. It’s totally normal to fall for someone and letting them know about that is just another step in your relationship. And if they don’t feel the same way, at least you will stop wondering and can focus on someone else.
There is another way too - turning it into a warm friendship. We don’t always have to act on our feelings – sometimes it is unethical (person has a family already). In this case it’s best to develop a deep friendship and just be supportive. In fact, this will probably be even better than having a short term romance. Good friendship can last for years and will benefit you both much better. Well and in the end, if you are meant to be together, it will happen anyway.