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Why do you find it difficult to adjust with your spouse? One sided viewpoint!

Updated on December 21, 2013

‘Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.’ –Barbara de Angelis

How did you feel about your spouse before marriage? You thought you loved the best person in the world and felt emotional to make his\her life happy by your giving unconditional love. When in love, you feel it easy to take everything about your spouse in a lighter vein, but after marriage you find it impossible to take even the slightest mistake of him\her in the right spirit.

Why does this change take place?

When in love, your spouse is someone you yearn to be with 24\7. Your dreams are idealistic and unrealistic, more of a love story with everything looking bright and sunny. But after marriage, you are brought to the harsh reality of day to day survival with a heavy thud. It makes you dizzy with confusion by the inner changes that take place in your mind about your spouse.

The changes are in fact mutual, with both now determined to show your rights as the lawfully wedded spouse. The word 'love' is now overlapped by the word 'rights' and both forget that when there is clamor for rights, there should equal display of duties.

You do love your spouse, but when the pressure for duties increases in married life, you find it impossible to adjust with him\her.

Why do you find it impossible to adjust with your spouse?

  • You always see everything from your view point.
  • You take your spouse for granted.
  • You feel your spouse is duty bound to do things as you want.
  • Your love loses its newness.
  • You get used to your spouse.

The mistake of not making adjustments comes from both sides. ‘I am his wife. He must spend time with me and it is his duty to take me out, buy me things, come early from work and not spend too much time with his friends or family’.

Do you expect your husband to be at your beck and call? Do you find it impossible to adjust with your husband because he does things in his own way? You will not find happiness in your marriage if you do so.

Do expect your wife to look after you\children\family so that you can be care free and relaxed? Do you feel doing household chores is the duty of your wife and you have nothing to do with it? Your wife finds it very difficult to adjust with you if you have such a mindset.

When you try to change your spouse according to your mindset, it leads to total chaos in your family life.Your marriage should make you more understanding and not more demanding.The sad thing about today’s marriage is that there is vociferous cry towards rights by couples, coolly forgetting that it is a mutual expectation.

  • My spouse does not do things according to my liking.
  • He\she is totally self centered.
  • There is no transparency in his\her interaction that I am always in the dark about him\her.
  • He\she tries to dominate me.
  • He\she takes arbitrary decisions.

Do you have your own woes with your spouse listed above? Might be you have a different complaint!

You have some ideas about life which need not be that of your spouse. Does that make him\her any lesser person? Does that mean he\she does not love you truly?

If you really want your marriage to work, you must learn the art of adjustment. It is very true adjusting is the toughest aspect in marriage. But it is the most essential aspect if your want your marriage to succeed. Turning a blind eye to the faults of your spouse and being open eyed towards his\her good aspects can make your marriage more satisfying and pleasing.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      billy, thank you for stopping by and giving encouragement.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Marriage is not a noun; it is a verb. Those words say it all. Marriage takes work and it most definitely takes acceptance. Thank you for these words of wisdom.