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Updated on August 4, 2015

What its like being a man!

You work, you earn, you marry and you burn .The son ,lover, husband, friend,father.They say that you have the power but they miss the pressure. You can't talk about it, you have to land on your feet. You are a MAN!. It's hard work being a man,don't laugh me off the screen but really when was the last time we looked seriously at men, when was the last time men talked freely about themselves. South Asian masculinity and we hear it all the time now,there is a thing in crisis . Certainly our position is on a rocks bottom. So join me on a voyage of sorts and let's look closely at men ,from style and sex to hair and clothes to anxiety. What is it that really pushes the buttons and makes man jump his guns?

As a man and a writer I can tell you that what matters is not the ending but the beginnings. The right way in you know, with men like everybody else ,it all begins with women. Women are beautiful mysterious beings who caste shadows even in our dreams as lovers,mothers,daughters and foes even.They have inspired us and shaped our lives in many ways.

The special bond

A sons story begins with a woman, his mother. This relationship is seen as the ultimate expression of unconditional love and that's perhaps why it's difficult to discuss its complexities.Soft saris,warm hugs,happy days and safe times. For most of us nostalgia about our childhood is linked instricably with memories of our mother. Even though as a grown man we may squirm as being called a mamas boy. The truth is for any guy a mother is very special. Most of us have initial memories of weeping as a kid if we ever saw our mother stepping out of the house. It is just the connection between the two, the umbilical cord might have been detached from another but the bond is still as enact as ever.

One Indian film maker, aged 41 named Karan Johar makes no bones about the fact that his mother is the hyperactive force of his universe and though they are very closely relying completely on each other. It's not always easy.The relationship he has with his mother is also complex, there is a lot a of angst, there is some anger sometimes,there is outburst, hidden emotions like all mother and sons and father and sons have. The ones you love the most you snap the first at, the one's you love the most you are most angry with. On one occasion Karan says:

" sometimes if my mother is talking to me and I am just not listening to her and she turns around and says Thank you! why don't you just go back to your room. Those five minutes when someday that your own is saying something and you are not compelled to say anything is perhaps the most relaxing thing".

The other woman in a man's life and the disputes

Sometimes a man looks to create his distance with his mother. When another woman enters the picture the equilibrium is always disturbed,it's hard time for every body. But how a man copes and treats women has a lot to do with his mother. The first thing a mother should do is make her son love women and I don't mean that sexually but to really respect women.Because women sometimes as mother has been so completely bogged down by perhaps her mother in law or other stronger women that they find the only strength they have is to control the minds of their sons.


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