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Why the rush to get married?

Updated on September 30, 2012

How old were you when you got married the first time?

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Certainly people aren't getting married in the United States at such young ages as they did in centuries past, but many weddings are still happening before the couple graduates college, if they go to college at all.

This is something my friends and I notice as we watch another friend get married at age 24, 22, 20, 18... I will attend a friend's wedding in a month, and she just graduated from high school.

If I were to marry early, it would be perhaps to start the count for a great anniversary party... we all admire marriages that last 50 years or more, so the earlier you marry, the sooner and the more likely you will reach that point.

Otherwise, there's no point. I can have just as much enjoyment in being single but still being with my soulmate. Many psychologists have even found that marriage can decrease a couple's happiness with each other, perhaps because marriage brings higher expectations for the relationship that are harder to reach.

It also seems that it is not as positive to marry early because the young bride and/or groom will not have as good of a chance to discover who they are, what they want, what they're good at and what they need. Being established in a career or having a degree or even experiencing more of what life has to offer before tying the knot can mean more stability to hold up the marriage. A few years can bring many realizations... maybe one of them prefers one type of person after all, or there are much bigger differences between them than previously thought. Then what? That may be part of what contributes to the fifty-percent overall divorce rate in the United States.

I am in no rush to get married for selfish reasons. If I marry early, I probably won't spend as much time with friends or discovering things I can only find out by myself. When I'm with my partner, I need to spend time to connect with him the proper way; I can't neglect him, but I'm not ready to neglect the other parts of my life either.

I suppose that it depends on the couple; many of my friends and acquaintances who married early are still together. There are also circumstances that force people together sometimes, such as unplanned pregnancies or unpleasant home lives. It just seems like the longer you wait, the more certain you are likely to be about the life of your relationship to your spouse. Life is short, but that doesn't mean there's plenty of time to make mistakes, especially if children are involved.


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      5 years ago

      I am wondering if any of the peploe that were so worried about letting same sex couples get married are considering working on abolishing marriage if it really was such an abomination to allow these equal rights? Seriously? I am more interested in how some churches are going to react to the decision and, though I have read the part that gives them equal rights, I have not read anything on the legal obligations of churches, if any? I think that in Canada they left it up to churches to decide if they would perform marriages. And there was always the JoP route.

    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 

      10 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      Good hub, I agree with most of what you are saying. And think too many people marry perhaps for the wrong reasons. Although having made the effort to marry, why cant people put in more effort to make the marriage work.

      It is so easy to become divorced that, I do not think, the average couple really try to work at the marriage and keep it together. If we waitied until arguments cooled off and sat down to really talk out their problems. maybe it wouldnt end up in divorce. A marriage is a two way partnership. We all have to learn to give and take a little bit on both sides.


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