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Why you Lose and Gain Friends Continously

Updated on June 9, 2014

It is uncommon for friends having nothing in common. Psychologist says we tend to attract and maintain friends who reflect some aspects of our personality. On the other hand, an individual who does not like himself will not like people who have the same character traits as his. But why do we need friends? Do you think you really need one?

A famous quote goes: “No man is an island,” therefore, we need people. Why? Well, for one thing, an individual cannot survive without the help of others. On the first place, no one will teach you how to eat your food, what's good and bad for you, what's painful and what's not. From birth, the person who cared for you, whether your own mother or somebody else, that person is the very first friend that you've had and one can say, one that will last one's lifetime.

The next question is, if your mom or the person who cared for you since childhood days is the first friend that you've had, do you think you need another one in school, another one at church, another one at the video shop and many more friends in different places?

Scientists have examined genetic compositions which gave us the knowledge that each individual is a unique set of genes, even if they have the same set of parents and even if they are identical twins. These, along with the different kinds of people that you interact with, make up your own personality, far different from your parents, siblings and other individuals. As such, one cannot say that he or she needs only one or a couple of friends.

Even if two individuals were raised in the same environment, each one will have a different personality altogether. One may enjoy playing basketball while one does not have any propensity for sports that require professional skills, but instead enjoy and excel in simple games.

The Johari window was conceptualized in the United States around 1969 as part of heuristics or discovery of learning through trial and error method. Other modern psychologists call this Johari rooms. Nevertheless, the concept does not change – it still proposes four aspects of the self, namely the public self, private self, the semi-public self and the blind spot. The blind spot is one which a person tries to determine in his search for a person who can perfectly understand him, in order for him to truly discover himself.

Freudian slip or more commonly known as 'slips of the tongue', were interpreted by psychologists to be a manifestation of the blind spot. Another instance where the blind self sometimes surfaces is discovering some habits you didn’t know you have. You only discover them when friends describe you or tell you outright such habit. These blind spots can also be skills, talents, abilities that you never thought you had until an opportunity presents itself for a 'different you' to show. This is why, all of us, constantly gain, lost and regain friends – even if he or she is an all time champion in the javelin throw Olympic event while you are the best orator in your university.


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