- Gender and Relationships
Why Can't People Be Emotionally Honest? -Stephanie Bailey
If you are the pursuer, it's your obligation to inform the pursued when you’re done pursuing….right? Right.
I think we can all agree that it is incredibly frustrating when you’ve been dating someone for a while, and suddenly—without any warning—they stop communicating. If they’re trying to break up with you, why can’t they just reach out and say something? "I'm not interested," "I'm not feeling a connection," "I'm not ready for a relationship," or possibly, "I'm freaking out and moving to another state.”
Although direct, one-on-one communication is the best and most mature form, if that's not where your comfort zone is, there is still no excuse not to communicate what you are feeling, especially when you have emotionally “checked out.” Off of the top of my head, I can think of over five types of ways to communicate what you are feeling without ever having to actually talk to someone face to face: phone, text, e-mail, snail mail, and Facebook (and that doesn’t include all other social media channels).
A close friend of mine met a guy who pursued her from the moment they made eye contact. A few weeks into dating—around the holidays—he emotionally pulled away. The assumption was that he freaked out (as many men do around the holidays), unsure of what he wanted. She received a text a few days after not hearing from him that he was dating other women and wasn’t ready to commit. WOW. He automatically assumed that she wanted to rush into a relationship after two weeks of courting. However, she didn’t–it was his ego speaking.
Surprised by the text that was not only days late, but completely unexpected, she had no choice but to move on....or so she thought. Several months later, my friend bumped into this same guy—apologetic, single, and “ready for a relationship” (based on what he had told her).
In his valiant pursuit, the first several months of their relationship were amazing. The effort he put forth swept her off her feet and the chemistry was like fireworks. She was happy and could see herself planning a future with him. Just when things were moving organically between them, he decided to pull a Houdini...and poof! He disappeared again. This performance was less entertaining this time and even more disappointing, especially since it was right before a romantic weekend that he had planned. This time his vanishing act lasted for over a week: no phone call, text, or e-mail; it was like a horrible version of deja vu, except this time he won and broke her heart.
By the time my friend received his (unwelcome text) that attempted to explain his immature approach to vanishing, my friend was emotionally done.
When someone can't be upfront and emotionally honest when they have lost interest romantically, it has nothing to do with you. Not being able to communicate in a respectful and timely matter stems back from how they did not learn how to communicate as a child. If communication wasn't strong in their family upbringing, then most likely it won't be in their relationships. Being emotionally honest means taking responsibility for one's actions. Some people cannot handle it and therefore choose to runaway.
If you are dealing with someone who can't be emotionally honest, ask yourself, "do I really want to be with someone who doesn't respect me enough to be clear about how they are feeling?" If not, be emotionally strong, move on, and don't look back.