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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
The Real Dish on Nagging
A study by Everyman, a health campaign group, which covered over 3000 respondents revealed that women on average spend 8000 minutes in a year just nagging their spouses.
You read it right, that translates to over 133 hours or roughly 5.5 days of wasted time. The top reasons on why women nag include; 1) the husband not helping in house cleaning, 2) not doing the dishes and, 3) drinking alcohol.
Some people cannot help it and though women get a bad rep for doing it, men are equally guilty of this nasty habit. Nevertheless, nagging should never be a go-to resort when another person slacks.
You may have reasons to nag but there are other ways to do job without resorting to nagging.
Why do we nag?
People nag for different reasons: washing the dishes, cleaning, putting clothes in the hamper, leaving the toilet seat up and so many others. In short, nagging basically centers around not doing and not doing another's share in keeping the household. More often, you nag to scold someone so he will do something he does want to do.
It really boils down to making an effective way to make someone responsible for certain household tasks. If a person does not want to do his part, nagging will not likely make him to. It depends on the situation and the personality of the person what will make him do things around the house and nagging is definitely not one of them.
If a person needs constant reminders and nagging to make himself useful in the house, constantly reminding hime to do something can backfire. Truth is, no one likes to be told what to do. Teenagers resent this, how much more for an adult? Here's some reasons why nagging seldom works:
It is irritating
Bad news, everyone hates it, but still many do it. Some get offended, insulted and it even makes a person feel like a little child needing to be told what, when and how to do things.
Surely you don't want to act like his mother telling him to do the simplest task each time. Spare your partner from the same ordeal. Nagging is counterproductive.
If your partner is a bigtime slacker, try communicating in a more mature way. Try positive reinforcement. If this fails, maybe it's time to ask for serious counselling help or better put an end to your one-sided relationship.
No one likes to be nagged
Initially, it can make someone spring into action. Though it works sometimes, it breeds resentment or animosity between two people. One study by US researchers found that the constant nagging caused such mental fatigue that men have no other choice but to give in. Your husband may give in when he is too tired to oppose or just want want to have some peace.
Endless nagging could also turn your husband 'nag-resistant'. According to a study conducted in Duke University, nagging can be a real threat to someone with control issues. In a husband's case, nagging may even be perceived as a threat to his autonomy. It is possible to tell someone that you need things done but try to do it without nagging. There are definitely ways to make your husband do something without him thinking that it is your idea.
It breeds resentment from both sides
Constant nagging destroys the harmonious relationship you have with your partner. The person being nagged would most likely be defensive about it. It is simply human nature to resist something we are constantly pushed to do. The other side of the fence, the person who does the nagging gets frustrated and unconsciously begins to view the other differently. Nagging is the fastest way to drag two people apart.
It may be difficult if your partner does not do his end, however, try to take this as an opportunity to learn a new skill. If you noticed that your husband perennially ignores the busted light bulb in your porch, or couldn't care less about the broken doorknob, then how about learning to fix it yourself that is, if hiring someone else is out of the question. These are just some of the simple things even a woman may learn to do. Aside from saving your partner and yourself from the emotional drain caused by nagging, you get to learn a new skill. My husband seldom nags me about anything, neither do I to him, but this 'if he doesn't do it, then I'll do it'attitude taught me how to be more effective around the house, get me to learn the different things about our car and other things women don't care less about.
My point is, it really boils down to what matters to you. Before you nag, ask yourself what is more important, is it the spic-and-span house, a properly arranged bathroom, the perfect toilet seat position, an empty trash bin, or the intimate relationship with your husband or partner?
It chips the walls of a loving relationship
Who would like to be in the company of someone who seems to see only your negative side and proceeds to nag about it each chance. Really, life is not about the tiny details. Some people may have made a mistake of being with someone who does not have an issue if floor is not too polished, if dirty socks are lying around, or if thrash is not being taken out.
Life should be enjoyed and if the small things in running the house or keeping everything tidy gets to your nerves each time, it slowly affects how people look at each other. Maintaining an affectionate atmosphere in any kind of relationship is hard enough but when you do nag, you are literally driving the other person away a little each time. Think about it.