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Being your own queen for a day
What does being alone mean?
The word alone conjures up many different things for many different people. I used to be the kind of person who could not be alone. I always had to have someone there with me. I was afraid to be alone. Maybe afraid of having to get to know the real me, the one who I was when all the friends were gone. The one who had real fears and dreams. The one whose face I saw when I looked in the mirror. The thought of having to have a conversation with this stranger.
Many years have passed since I have felt that way. I used to think I needed a man in my life or an important occupation to make me complete, to validate that I had worth, and that I was somebody. This compulsive need to belong to something, to someone, led to many broken relationships, heartaches and disappointments. Then I realized that somewhere I had lost my way. That I had abandoned the one person I needed most.
Then I became re-acquainted with my best friend...ME!!
Learning to enjoy your own company
I have always loved to read. Somewhere along the way I came across a book called "Simple Abundance" and "Something More". Both are by the same author...an excellent writer named "Sara Breathnach". They are written journal style. I learned to keep a gratitude journal for the days I felt down and alone, unloved or just plain ungrateful. I also learned to keep a discovery journal for the things I discovered about myself during my journey to getting to know myself. It took me two years to really know who I was and what I wanted in life, but it was an exciting and wonderful journey. I encourage every woman to take it. At it's end you will find the person you have always been searching for...Yourself.
Explore the real you. here are some things I learned.:
I used to hate rainy, solitary days when no one wanted to go out and I was stuck at home alone. I would spend hours moping around. Now I grab a book, take a hot bath, spend a day giving myself a spa treatment, or just lounging around listening to some mellow relaxing music and clearing my mind from the clutter that sometimes gets stored there.
Mix a cup or two of powdered milk with a half of cup of cocoa powder and pour it in your running bath water, lie back and enjoy the fragrant smell of the chocolate. Turn off the lights, light some candles, relax, add some nature sounds...rain, surf, wind. It makes a beautiful way to wind down, better than you would get at an expensive spa. Use this time alone to contemplate, dream or fantasize.
Keep a journal, like the discovery journal I spoke of earlier. You will be amazed at the things you learn about yourself as you get to know yourself. Write in it at your desire...the undated kind are best for me since I have trouble some days writing. Put your wildest dreams, desires, and hopes on the pages...they become more real this way. Put it somewhere safe where only you will see it. These are your true feelings, emotions...crushes, or just a chat with yourself. be honest, no one will see it but you.
Rub warming oil over your body, this is even more relaxing after a nice hot soak. Wrap yourself in a soft robe or towel, enjoy the feel of your own hands gliding over your body. Appreciate yourself for the woman you are and the woman you hope to become. Sprinkle your bed with silk rose petals (they dont stain and are inexpensive) add your favorite scent to them and fresh clean sheets. Slide under and slip away to a place most only dream of. Add candles and soft music or nature sounds. no tranquilizer needed!!
Grab a good girlie book...the two mentioned above are EXCELLENT!! Curl up on the couch, ottaman or stretch across the bed while you read. Open a nice bottle of sweet wine if this is your style. Enjoy the silence... the absence of sound..the pleasure of having the place to yourself. The priviledge of spending all day in your PJ's or a sexy nightie..but just for you. This is also a great time to read a devotional...it all depends on your style.
Do you remember paper dolls? Try buying a new scrapbook. take old magazines, cut out pictures of your dream home, clothes, hairstyles..pretend you have a credit card with unlimited funds and go shopping. Clip to your hearts desire. Cut out cute sayings...my favorite.."By the time Cinderella wakes up and discovers who she is, she's 50". Plants, gardens, pools...anything goes.
Try a new hobby you have always wanted to try. learn to meditate..relaxation. Enjoy the sound of your own voice. Sing in the shower, walk around nude, let your hair down. Don't answer the phone except for emergencies and don't invite others over. This is your day... a day with your best friend, your self.
Too many women have become dependant, clingy, or just can't be alone with themselves. Use this time when the kids are at school, he's at work.. no one is there but you and get to know yourself again. Look in the mirror (sans makeup) , notice the shape of your body, appreciate you for the person you are.
I used to sit around waiting for the phone to ring, for someone to drop by, anything to keep from being alone. Now I hurry to get the kid to school, the hubby to work...and to start my day alone... enjoying all the things I don't have time for when I'm mommy and wife.
For 8 hours I will enjoy the company of myself, the sweet indulgenge of peace and solitude.