The Dilemma of Men Living at their Wives Homes

For many cultures around the world, women have to move out of their parental homes to go and live with their husbands once they get married. However, in certain circumstances, the rules can be bent to allow a woman stay and built a home in her parents’ home even after marriage. In other words, instead of moving out of their parent’s home, it is the man who comes to live with the girl at her parent’s home.

Take Lilian Omosa for instance, a middle aged woman whose home is in Bocharia sub-county, Nyamira County, Kenya. Lilian got married to her husband, John Omosa in 2014 and rather than moving out to go and live with her husband as expected, the couple went on to at the house which they had built at the girl’s home.

This incident obviously caused murmurs and people started in hushed tones, considering that it is a rare phenomenon.

However, according to Lilian, this arrangement had been agreed on by both parents (her parents and those of the man) since her family did not have a boy child and hence her father had granted her inheritance rights.

“Before getting married, we sat down with relevant parties to discuss the issue because my parents would not want me to move out of this home due to the fact they don’t have a son” she told the Nairobian adding that “although it was hard to make my husband to be and her people accept the idea of having to live with her people, I finally managed to convince him and since he loved me very much, he yielded to the demand”

According to Mr. John Omosa, the husband to Ms Lilian, he could not imagine that he could live with her wife at or near the village where her wife comes from, leave a lone at her parent’s homestead.

“Leaving with my family at her parents’ home was out of my imagination but I had to accept after learning that she could not move out and leave her home without an inheritor and somebody to take care of her parents” Mr. Omosa told hubapges.

Mr. Omosa has also a piece of land and a house he build at his parental home in Marani, Kisii County. He with his wife occasionally goes there to till and manage the land where they grow different crops. However, most of the time, they stay on the girls home where she has also been given a piece of land to till and grow crops.

A few kilometers away in Gionsero village, within Nyamache sub-county, Kisii County is Mr. and Mrs. Justus and Josphine Omweri. Mr. Justus is a middle aged man is a teacher while Mrs. Josphine is a bank teller in Kisii town. Like their counterparts above, the couples are staying at Gionsero, which is the home of Mrs. Josphine.

This reporter became interested in finding out on the arrangement and why the couple opted to live on the girl’s home rather than the man’s. The response from the couple was almost similar to that of Mr. and Mr. Omosa since they claimed that Josphine is the only child in the family of Mr. and Mrs. Osoro, her parents and they could not allow her to leave the family even after getting married.

“I have no problem with that arrangement as long as we understand each other as family” says Mr. Omosa adding that “we have not had major concerns although there are stereotypes out there by some parties”.

The major concerns these couple are facing is negative stereotypes by people who believe that living in your wives homestead is tantamount to being sat on. Such people, according to Mr. Omosa believe that a man would not have a say to her wife when he is staying with her at her parents’ home. “However, this is far from the truth as per my experience” confesses Mr. Omosa.

In Jericho estate, a man who had his own four bedroom bungalow at the outskirts of the estate allowed his daughter to stay in one of rooms with her husband after their one bedroom rental house were closed over rent issues. The girl and her parents were from the Kikuyu community while the man who had married the girl was from the Luhyia community. So the two families were living together in one Bungaloo.

However, according to a witness who is a neighbor to the family, Mr. Jefferson Dude, the scenario may have caused a misfortune to the family. This is because upon visiting the family from Vihiga County, man’s father died a few days later and his body was transported back to the village for burial. The man and other neighbors claimed that he had contravened the Luhya customs by entering and sleeping on the same house with her son’s family.

“I think this is taboo for some cultures and going by what happened to this family, it is evident that some things may not be right” observes Mr. Jefferson.

In 2011, the late freedom fighter Wambui Otieno married a young Peter Mbugua through a wedding at the St Andrew’s Church. This was not an ordinary wedding. It was of two lovers, a husband of 36 and his bride of 75, who have defied the norm and tradition and become a symbol of the proverbial power of love. After this much publicized wedding, Peter Mbugua began living with Wambui Otieno in her Karen home as husband and wife. This caused confusion among people on whether Mbugua was married or he was the one who married Wambui.

Article 60 (f) of the Constitution of Kenya 2010 provides for elimination of gender discrimination in respect of parental property.

Therefore, the marital status of a daughter is not a basis to deny her the right to inherit her father’s estate. In line with this article, it matters not whether a daughter is married or not when it comes to consideration of whether she is entitled to inherit her parent’s estate.

Dr Peter Omolo, a sociologist from Mt Kenya University argues that the decision to stay at the woman’s matrimonial home depends on the parents in agreement with the couple. He also agrees that certain circumstances may warrant a woman to stay at her parents’ home with her husband even after marriage like being the only child, in case the parents have made a will on the same or if she simply decides to exploit her inheritance rights as enshrined in the constitution.

“It is not common for a woman to live at her matrimonial home with her husband and family. However, today, things are changing and it is no longer peculiar for women to take roles they were no longer considered for. Even the constitution of Kenya allows women to inherit property and it is the women who are not ready to exploit those rights. If there are those courageous enough to take them, this is well and good for them. Still, you need to understand that a family can just decide that their girl will not go anywhere and instead will leave within the compound when there is no boy to inherit the property. This is understandable as the parents would want somebody to be near them in their old age or just somebody to maintain their lineage” argues doctor Omolo.