ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Workin On Remaining Friends After High School

Updated on February 18, 2013

Graduating high school and moving on with your life is often a confusing time. There is college, a new life, new responsiblities, and new friends. Figuring out how to maintain your new life and keep your old friends is hard for a lot of people. This can make it hard for friendships from high school to continue on into the adult years, but it isn't impossible.

New Friends Verses Old Friends

For many people having new friends and old friends is really hard to do. This is especially true when major life events happen and there is a rift of ideas. College friends verses high school friends is much like the new life which is associated with being grown up and the old life which is associated with being a kid trying to mix. When this happens there are some who have a hard time wanting to keep their old friends (which are associated with being a kid) in the mix. This doesn't mean that they no longer like their old friends, just that they are having a hard time figuring out how to make it all work while gaining a new, grown up image.

Tips for Being the Old Friend

It is hard to be the old friend and to feel like you no longer have a place in your best friends life. However, if you are patient and follow a few simple tips it is most likely that you will get your friend back and life will be good again.

  1. Don't get mad and try not to get upset. This is a lot easier said then done. After all, you are feeling ignored, maybe even abused and left out. However, if you get mad or upset then you are more likely to say something or do something that could hurt the relationship more.

  2. Try to be understanding. Again this isn't easy to do. After all, you and this other person were best friends and now it doesn't seem like you are even friends. However, it is a matter of figuring out who each person is and it will be all right.

  3. Be willing to spend time with your friend and her new friends. This is a time when you can make new friends with your high school friend's college friends. This is always good for you, but it also gives you a time and a place to spend time with your old friend.

  4. Make new friends. It is important for you to gain new friends as well so be willing to meet new people and make new friends. Then you can introduce your high school friend to your new friends as well.

  5. Keep reaching out. Make sure you aren't making your friend feel harrassed. Often times you will find that once you are no longer high school best friends you won't spend near as much time together. However, you don't want to give up on her either. Call her, invite her places, and see how she is doing in her new life.


It will probably feel very much like trying to survive. I know, I have been there. After our senior year both I and my best friend remained in our hometown. There she got a job, moved out of her parents house and in with an older friend that we both had, and she started spending a lot of time with the older twenty-somethings we knew from chuch. It felt like she wanted nothing to do with me and it made me rather depressed. We didn't talk for months. Summer went by and then my first semester at the community college went by. Finally, I decided that while we might never be close again, we could at least be friends. I called her up and asked how she was doing. We had dinner together a few times and life went on.

We still talked every couple of months, but that was about it. Then we both went away for college. She started calling me more often then I called her and we started gaining a bigger understanding of where each of our lives were going. After over a year of not being much of friends we were friends again.

Now years have past (six of them) we both are married and both have a child (I have a two year old son and she has a one year old daughter), and we have 1200 miles seperating each other. We aren't best friends anymore, but we are still good friends. We talk at least once a month and share the happenings or our lives. It is good and while life has taken each of us in a different direction, we are still friends.

The only thing that I wish is that I would have been bolder and worked on keeping our friendship alive sooner. Maybe we wouldn't have spent so much time not talking if I had worked on calling her even when I felt she didn't want to talk to me.

Growing Up

Growing up is something that life forces us into even when we spend so much time hoping to get there, thinking we are there, and working toward being an "adult". Reality is, it isn't easy. With it our relationships will change and our friendships will morph. You can keep your friends from high school, at least your closest ones, but they won't remain the same. You will become a different person, they will become a different person, people will move, meet boyfriends and girlfriends, have spouses, have babies, have jobs, and life will look different. But you don't have to loose your best high school friend because of it. Be willing to work at the friendship, try to be understanding, and try not to get too upset about rough patches.


Submit a Comment
  • profile image

    Ethan Frost 

    8 years ago

    you know, I find this article very helpful due to the fact I just graduated High School... and it is that summer for me where I feel like my best friend has put a gap between us. Understanding I was the one whom supplied him with the job he has (connections of mine), got him a computer & internet when he needed it, etc. I have pretty much been the best friend anyone could have.

    Seems like he has put me off lately, with his new "friends". Its just one of those things about growing up. I'm leaving for the military soon, so a new life will come for me too.

  • Dottie1 profile image


    10 years ago from MA, USA

    A really nice article. Thanks for sharing.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)