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What are the worst Valentines gifts?

Updated on February 10, 2014
Darling I love you to death, that's why I've planned and paid for your perfect funeral!
Darling I love you to death, that's why I've planned and paid for your perfect funeral!
A great selection of stuffed toys, chocolate roses and love heart garlands all at very reasonable prices from Sainsburys
A great selection of stuffed toys, chocolate roses and love heart garlands all at very reasonable prices from Sainsburys | Source

Shag Yourself Slim (also available on Amazon UK)

Be My Valentine

Oh Valentine's Day, how I love to hate thee. It's supposed to be the day of romance, the day when you can finally tell your secret crush that you like them or tell your new girlfriend or boyfriend what they mean to you, but really it is the day of crappy teddy bears, over expensive chocolates and half dead single red roses.

Valentines Day = Expensive tat

Unless of course you are lucky enough to be given a big diamond sparkler. At this time of year it seems you can't turn a corner in a shop of supermarket without coming face to face with a red or pink heart shaped something or other to waste your hard earned cash on.

I think Valentines are for single adults, school children and teenagers. Its much more exciting to have and anonymous card slid into your desk drawer or locker and to then spend the next few days trying to work out who its from.

Valentines Day is also a day for couples who are in the early stages of their relationship and who don't have another milestone to celebrate such as a wedding anniversary or the birth of a child.

I have seen a few amusing links on Facebook about Valentines and the various crappy gifts currently available, and so I turned to the internet to try to find out what is the worst Valentine gift ever given.

The Worst of the Worst

1. Shag Yourself Slim

This isn't advice, it's a book currently available on Amazon and all good (ahem) books stores. Basically, boys, you may think it tongue in cheek to buy this for your other half, but if you do give her this, it's tantamount to saying "we don't have enough sex and your fat". Oh so romantic.

Its not a great gift for someone you've just met either.

2. Gym Membership

Yes ladies, boys can be that stupid! If you'd like to get your lady love something to do with well being then a massage or spa day is a much better option.

3. A Basket of Porn

Nope, I'm not making this up. Some thoughtful spouse decided it would be a really romantic gesture to buy his wife a basket of porn for Valentines. I do hope she was into that type of thing and it wasn't a huge revelation about what her hubby gets up to when she goes to work!

4. Used, broken or half eaten gifts

I got hungry on the way home love so had to open your chocolate's. I put your flowers down on the seat next to me and someone sat on them. I know how much you love to give to charity so I killed two birds with one stone and got you this delightful teddy bear from a second hand shop. No fellas... just no.

5. Anything from a service station

Including flowers, cards, teddy bears. If you do find something she'll love then please please please take the price tag off and wrap it nicely - then she may never know.

And finally anything that comes wrapped in something that looks like a jewellery box... a box that looks like it should hold jewellery really should have jewellery inside, especially if you want to keep your gentlemen's relish in tact.


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