- Gender and Relationships
Wrong Reasons to Get Married
Fear is not a reason to marry.
There are a million really wrong reasons to get married, like marrying for money or getting married because you're pregnant. I'm not covering all of the reasons here.
The wedding vow is pretty clear. You and your partner are promising to spend the rest of your lives with each other for better or worse. That isn't something you can promise lightly. You have to have a great deal of love for each other, a great deal of compatibility, and a true desire to be together.
Reasons should include things like how good you feel about yourself when you're together. How happy you are together. How you feel supported, empowered, safe. How you can make each other laugh. There are a lot of really good reasons. Fear should not be one of them.
Fear of being alone is not a reason to marry. You have to be able to fix yourself as an individual before you can even think about contributing as a meaningful member of a partnership. Some people avoid the necessary work they should be doing on themselves, by getting married or having a family.
Fear goes both ways. If your partner is marrying you because he's afraid of something, you need to do the right thing where he can't. He needs to deal with his fear of being alone first.
And then there is the fear produced by ultimatums.
The word "ultimatum" has a broad application that isn't always accurate. There is nothing wrong with stating what you want. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want, and being willing to leave a situation that isn't going the way you would like for it to go.
The nuance is in the communication.
Two people that care about each other can communicate and even have heated exchanges. And when two healthy people realize they just can't compromise enough to make each other happy it is a sad thing.
But it is not nearly as sad as when someone deals with their insecurities by giving an ultimatum to their partner. I'm not talking about stating needs, or giving a push. I'm talking about a real ultimatum.
Think about it this way. Is that really the circumstance in which you want someone to propose to you? Not because they love you so much they can't imagine their life without you. But instead because you've threatened them into it.
If your on the receiving end of this please think carefully before you commit your life to someone that doesn't think about your feelings or needs. This is only a prelude. Do you really want to marry someone that threatens you? Analyze that fear you feel of this person leaving. Is it really something you'd like to base the rest of your life on? Is that they way you want to spend the next 50 or 60 years?
You need to be a whole person before you can be part of a team. And so does your partner.
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All text is original content by Veronica.All photos are used with permission. All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.