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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
You Know You're Alone When
Choices and non-choices
You know you're alone when you roll over in your sleep, to find you have no partner,,,
When you find yourself laughing at something funny on tv and turn to see no one there to share the laughter, and the room echoes,,,
When you come home from work and find no one there to say, hi hon, how was your day?
When you get all excited about a trip you'd like to take, or a movie you want to see, and nobody to share it with,,,
When you come home from shopping with 99 bags, and there's nobody to help you carry them in,,,
When you make a gourmet meal that even impresses you, and there is nobody to share it with,,,
Ok, so the list can go on and on. However, there is a light to this story. Being alone is not a death sentence. In fact, it can be the absolute best time of your life. Think about it. There is no one to answer to. No one to whom you owe an explanation about why you're late. You can come and go as you please. You can clean or not, eat or not, run around naked or not, work or not, play or not. If you want to make a purchase, you don't have to ask permission. If you want to save money, you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why. If you feel like having M&Ms for dinner, who cares? If you don't want to bathe or brush your teeth for 3 days, who cares? Ok, a little gross, but I'm just sayin,,,
I guess my point here is, is that you have choices. Your life can be as bad or good as you make it. True, being alone is sometimes NOT a choice. It can be thrust upon you. You can be blind-sided. I was, by the loss of my hubby, for one, which I wrote about in Suddenly Alone.
Yes, at first, being alone was not only difficult, but painful. As the years went by, and trust me, they do go by,,little by little you adjust. There's the key. YOU adjust, you don't let life adjust you. You learn that yes, you can and do survive. Yes, you can go after that degree you've been wanting, or take that long-awaited vacation you always dreamt about, or finally take the weight off that you promised yourself would have been gone years ago.
It is also hard choices. Do I need to change jobs? Do I need to sell my home? Do I dare make a risky investment? Do I end my marriage? Should I get out of my current relationship? These are things you need to ask yourself.
Take a quiet moment and write. Write about things you need, things you want, chances you want to take, chances you need to take. Keep an open mind. Let the thoughts come to you and put them to paper. Once you've done that, set it aside. Go about your life and in a week or so, re-visit your writing. Then adjust those thoughts accordingly.
Again, this list too can go on and on. In a past hub, I talked about the stress I was feeling about my jobs and the long hours I put in. Update: I no longer have the 2nd job. I now have a normal 40 hr work week and full weekends to enjoy. Yes, there is still some stress such as how will I adjust my lifestyle with one income. I am taking it one day at a time for now. I will have a better idea in a few weeks of what I need to do to continue improving my life. So, losing the 2nd job was not my choice, it was a set of circumstances that caused it to end. This is what I mean when I say, sometimes things happen, and as the old tired cliché says, they happen for a reason. I'm hoping the reasons reveal themselves in my lifetime :)
Are You Afraid of Being Alone?
Let me address those of you who fear the very thought of being alone. Life and living are constant change, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Sometimes being alone is not a choice. Whether it is or not, be open to it. Think of it as a long lost friend. Remember, we weren't always a 'pair'. I will be honest here, and say that for more years than I care to count, I felt I HAD to be with someone, HAD to have a partner to validate my existence. What the hell was I thinking?? Validate my living?? Good grief! Because of that 'need', I made some not so wise choices. Instead of finding myself validated, I found myself being used. (This enlightenment I finally realized was the truth after many years of being alone). I was being not only used, but lied to, mistreated,,you get the idea. I'm sure many of us have been there, done that.
Don't be afraid. Be who you are. Be honest, caring and loving. You are all you have. Only you can make the difference in your life. Choose to find and embrace the joy that is out there for the taking. Simply put, love yourself. People gravitate to that. Liking/loving ones self can be catchy, people need and want to be near people who take each day on with a smile. Try it :)
Closing thoughts: I am me. I like me. I love my family and friends and my pets. I love sharing myself with others, lending a hand, or giving a smile to someone who clearly needs one. The only two beings I need to validate my existence are God and myself. He approves, and so do I. :)
The video here, although a bit sad, makes a statement, to me anyway. Being alone is a natural state to find oneself in, not something to be feared. I hope you enjoy it.