You Lose More Than you Gain When you Ignore Your Companion
And now, our teaching moment . . .
Fun or Trouble
may be what you face when you willfully-ignore your companion. Sure, there are reasons for this cold action. But ignoring one another can be understood, if only both parties can relax, sit down, and talk about it--whatever the problem may be that causes the male or female to shun their loving companion.
Many times, the problem is so silly that both parties can openly-laugh about the problem that, to the party doing the ignoring, seemed to huge. Now let me inject this: imagination can play a huge part in making one ignore his or her girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. Ignoring one another is not a new non-action. This situation has been around since man and woman started the Garden of Eden itself. And even in that paradise, one of the two had to ignore the other while Satan was conning their mate about doing something sinful, but oh how good it felt.
Take a moment and look at the three photos on this hub and see if you have been guilty of anyone in each photo. This is not putting you on the spot, but I think if you can relate to the ones (in the photos) then you have gained the valuable wisdom that may prevent you from ignoring the one you love and visa versa.
From a Personal Standpoint
I can testify that I was once, maybe three times that I was with three gorgeous girls, but not at once. Long story short, before I took them out, I just talked to them and was myself with them--not any more important or common, just myself. I thought (back then) that girls liked us guys who were not trying to "act" our way into their lives, but I found out that the three that I dated, wanted a better caliber of a guy, but they should have told me in the beginning, not prolonging the obvious,or should I say, the obviously-painful end to our relationship.
From the beginning, I tried to listen to more that I said, because as I thought, a blabber-mouth is one who girls despise, so I showed my interest for the girls, kept my complimenting to a bare minimum and in a week or so, I thought that the first girl and I had a wonderful relationship--which included an occasional talk on the phone, just to keep my interest like a simmering firecoal.
On the fourth date, I sensed right off that she was not happy at all. Oh, she let me enjoy that electric smile, touch her silken brunette hair, and even giggled about our workplaces and then I thought that "the" problem that I had sensed was dissolved. That was until an hour before I took her home--and I caught myself sharing things about my life (not building-up myself) and asking things about her.
Then there it was. She had been facing me while I talked, but I had not noticed that she had looked past me and did not hear much of what I had said. In a very nice-but-methodical style, she said that "we" were not cut-out of the same cloth and we did not stand a chance to go further. I felt stupid, stunned, and small at that moment.
I asked her if the break-up was my fault, and I even apologized for talking if she had become offended, but she denied it. She said that her mind was on several things, and I was not one of them. So I wished her a good life, kissed her on the cheek, and she got out of my car and I left feeling very lousy.
The Ignoring Ploy
that I have been talking about may not be what we defined as a ploy, but like the first girl (above) who said that she had several things on her mind, and might have been, but did not bother to talk about them. I did respect her privacy. Later, in the months ago, I began feeling resentful about this girl NOT giving me the respect of sharing what made her ignore me, which I learned is a matter of the mind being filled with things and when the mind takes over the self (of the person) they do drift into ignoring those around them.
But for every negative, there is a positive power. I do know of a very intelligent woman who runs a very successful bank in my hometown and I have witnessed her listen to me while chatting over her phone to a customer and when she was finished, she could quote every word and phrase word-for-word. Amazing is how I described her. In her case, she was more of a multi-tasker than just a simple reason of being ignored.
And for the cold of heart, sure, I will buy that for some reason, (me included) when I meet someone, and we begin what I think to be a good friendship, only to find out that the new friend is nothing but a wolf acting the role of a sheep. And friends, I am 65 and have had a flock of these "sheep" with glaring eyes with red firecoals.
The Coldest Disrespect
from being ignored is another time when I worked for our weekly newspaper and found out that when those whom I worked with, I was made to believe were good, solid friends, turned out be two-faced hypocrites who knew how to play-up to the company higher-ups and during one staff meeting, they, the so-called "friends" who worked with me, stuck to our publisher and his handlers, so much that no one could get within an inch of talking with him. I tried very hard and diplomatic to just chat with our publisher, who had started (literally) in the mail room and started learning department by department and the day came when he was named publisher.
And I had no problem with him. It was plain that the plastic friends that were sucking-up to him did all they could to ignore me although they all noticed that I was waiting patiently to show my respect for our C.E.O. and Publisher, but was never invited to get close enough to talk to him, so I had no choice, but to leave the meeting, and in another year, left the company--which was probably the wisest thing that I had done.
So here are a few more times that a husband or wife can be ignored or ignore their mates:
- Work Related -- which means if a company thrives, it grows and the staff must grow with it, but unfortunately, some of the staff do not grow and problems arise. These employees carry their problems with them and think about them during the night, weekend, and when the wife or girlfriend goes to eat with the troubled husband. Oh, she will talk and talk, but sooner, more than later, she will notice how silent the husband is and will ask him continually, what is going on? If he does not break-down and talk, the distance between the wife or girlfriend only grows wider.
- Personality Attack -- can happen to the best of men and women. Although they are both talented and ready to take on any task, there is that one person that the wife knows from college, (for instance), who acted as if she was the Third in Line to be The Queen of England. The wife had not seen her until years after their college graduation until that one day, they met, and from that moment, the wife came away empty and insulted. The wife must share this immediately with her mate--no matter if it sounds perfect. Tell the other person without keeping the trouble inside.
- Finding Other People -- who are at their workplaces, schools, or other places of business. In plain talk, and for some unexplained reason, this very-centered husband, falls quickly in love with a girl who is much younger than the wife and there you have a turmoil going on inside his mind, and the worst part, he does not want to confess this to his wife--although he and the woman are not into a physical relationship, but it can cause his thoughts to be on her and not on his wife and she can be severely-ignored.
This was three instances in which various people can fall prey to life's maze of adversities that can, if left to it's own devices, can and will, birth ignoring out of one of the two-way relationship and before long, if the adversity is more than can be handled, both parties will be in for some sad suffering.
May 31, 2019__________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery