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You, her, or anybody else!

Updated on July 30, 2010

This hub is dedicated to all lovely men out there who, in the midst of loneliness and misery, would rather stub their pinky toe against a sharp wooden surface and take a chance to have a nail fall off, than being alone and single. I praise you, guys, because, despite the obvious incapability to live with yourselves, you can truly come up with some startling (and a little mortifying too, to say the truth) maneuvers to avoid the pain of isolation, and it’s not a quality belonging to all men out there to be willing to bargain and sacrifice your self-esteem for some form of companionship, or someone to pop your corn bag in the microwave on a Friday night…

Not too long ago I was myself victim (or maybe just prospect victim, really) of one of these exquisite individuals whom, during a loneliness panic attack, started texting me late at night while I was in bed reading a book, as I usually do when Morpheus and I don’t seem to be on the same page. Mr. J (or Mr. Lonely, whichever you prefer) was restless himself, and apparently tired of having a queen bed all to himself…Horrible, I know. He couldn’t even get his pet to snuggle with him in the darkness of his cold, cold nights, how can one live this way? I honestly can’t stop smiling when I recall that night and the absurd texts that kept on keeping my phone awake. Mr. J and I had been friends for a few months when this event took place; it had been very clear all along that there were no romantic influences involved in our relationship; I had made my position in the matter loud and clear, and in my mind he had seemingly understood the pattern of our get –togethers: go out, have fun, don’t touch, don’t try, back home, goodbye. It even rhymes.

I have made it my personal dating rule not to get involved with men who’ve had recent emotionally scarring experiences (for obvious reasons) and unfortunately Mr. J belonged to this category. Big red flag for me after having learned the hard way. So, for months we simply hung out, and it was fun, until this infamous night came along. The gist of all the messages I have received was simply that lonely man wanted me to go over to his house (well after midnight) to share his big queen bed with him and snuggle up, without the promise or expectation of potential developments. Just snuggle. Oh, how I laughed so hard and heartily at that bizarre proposal! Now, put yourself in my shoes, people. Think of one of your buddies suddenly having an epiphany in the middle of the night and feeling the urge to let you know that you should get out of bed, get in the car, get in his bed, and cuddle with him…All while it’s past midnight outside. Of course, my friend adorned his offer with a series of flattering remarks on how pleasant I am to be around, how he missed me, how he enjoyed my presence, and how he NEEDED me to come over right then in there because he just wanted to “curl up with someone he cared about” (textual words taken from the conversation thread I still keep in my phone). My reaction to those thoughts remained the same all along. I think one can summarize it as, “What the hell are you talking about? Are you drunk? Where’s all this coming from?” .Linear; straightforward; unchanging.

The thread stopped when I informed my friend that I was going to sleep and that he should do the same. I told him we may talk about the matter in sobriety, even though he swore he was completely clear-headed…But aren’t we all when we’re drunk off our asses and someone keeps on insinuating we’re lit? I didn’t hear from Mr. J until recently. I contacted him to see how he had been doing, being I hadn’t had any news from him since that night. He let me know he was seeing someone new (again) and having a good time with her. I was glad to hear the happy news; after all no news is usually good news. But then I suddenly started thinking of how many girlfriends and dates he has been through in the past six months. First it was the maniac psychotic girl who was jealous of any female figure (real or imaginary) in his life that wasn’t directly related to him, or let’s says who had a potential for sexual encounters with him. Then there was the girl who really didn’t dig him at all; three dates and not even a kiss (I tried to warn him about that one, but, for the sake of longed for company, he didn’t listen). Then there was the girl with a paralyzed limb who didn’t really last long, but might as well give it a try. Lastly there is this new gal, of whom she didn’t tell me much about, but with whom he is apparently having a good time. And then it struck me: I, she or anybody else will do; when the threat of loneliness knocks on the door, anything that breathes, speaks, and is capable of moving around is better than nothing.

What a lonely life that must be…I can’t capacitate myself of how people can feel that lonely in life. And God forbid a man like that wants to be taken seriously by me. If there is one person I believe 100% in on this earth that is myself, and anyone who wishes to be involved in my life as a potential partner had better feel the same about himself. That is something I am not willing to bargain with, not now nor never. Happiness and fulfillment come from within. If you don’t have it, nobody will give it to you. If you haven’t come to terms with this simple truth, then you have a long way home ahead of you. Until then, I, she, or anybody else will do the job, for now, but when we pull away, brace yourself.

© 2010 Roberta S


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    • robertaharden profile imageAUTHOR

      Roberta S 

      8 years ago from California on the rocks

      Exactly Tom, I am coming to terms with the fact that I MUST move on because otherwise I will get stuck in this moment of crisis.I gotta do it, I have no other choice.

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 

      8 years ago from home


      remember- your life will begin once you are at peace internally, If others wish to cause you pain, you do not have to let them.

      true freinds will accept and understand who you are and what you are about. Don't sell yourself short in this life. Ya gotta go for what ya go for- avoid those "cuddle calls" at night


    • Nikesha Wallace profile image

      Nikesha Wallace 

      8 years ago

      Good work, good obsos'. Isn't it wonderful when you come into great logical realizations that save your life. Saving your heart is such as saving your life, and dating smartly...there is not a smarter shopping on earth in comparison, for us more personally.


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