- Gender and Relationships
Overcome the games men play Pt. 2
Young Ladies – How to overcome the traps?
The first part of this article titled Young Ladies - How do you avoid the trap? We covered four things men do to trap women into doing what they want them to do with the sole purpose of using them. We identified those four things as using your emotions against you, when he starts comparing you to other women, the “butter up” treatment and I’ll be your daddy role. In this article we will focus on how you can overcome those four traps.
Do not allow your emotions to be used against you
When you love someone it does not mean you have to be gullible or naïve. Many quote the phrase that love is blind but it does not and should not be that way. Many people love being able to drive a car, but if that person was blind all that would lead to is a terrible accident. Now I’m not suggesting that you should not have trust in a relationship nor am I suggesting that when appropriate the one you love should not get the benefit of the doubt. However what I am saying is that you should not allow your feelings to stop you from recognizing what can obviously be taking place in front of your very eyes. Do not blind yourself from the reality of your relationship because that could very well lead to a painful crash. There is a proverb that states “The naïve person believes every word, but the shrewd one ponders each step.” In other words be sharp, intelligent to the things going around you and think things through before making decisions. For example If a woman is beat by her boyfriend and he apologizes to her stating that he would never do it again but then goes on to do it 5 more times she should be able to come to a realization that hitting women is a part of his personality and he may never change. Don’t allow the words I love you to block you from seeing the reality of your relationship.
Realize that you do not have to match the standards that he is looking for in a woman perfectly. Sometimes men want to make you feel like you should, but understand that he is imperfect just like you are. Why put that unnecessary pressure on yourself. I’m not encouraging women not too put their best foot forward in a relationship and try to make it work, quite on the contrary both parties in a relationship should be putting their best foot forward. The fact is that he will never be perfect and so why allow a man to pressure you into thinking that you should be perfect in everything you do. If you are reasonably doing your best and he still wants to leave, then let him leave. Don’t allow the fear of being single to stop you from being wise. Good things come to those who wait.
Build up confidence in what you do bring to the table in a relationship. Know what your strengths are and let it be known that you are aware of those strengths. At the same time set goals for yourself, we all have things that we can work on, and the more you work on reaching those goals the better you will feel about yourself as a woman and what you will have to bring to a relationship will be more versatile and complete. That type of confidence could make a man think twice about how to approach his relationship with you.
Fight against Comparisons
A man sometimes will try to apply pressure by comparing you to her women and bring out the fact that women nowadays are doing this or that. He may tell you that if he does not get something from you he can always go somewhere else and get it. Do not fall for that, you are unique just like he is. There is a principal that states “But let each one examine his own actions, and then he (or she) will have cause for rejoicing in regard to himself (or herself) alone, and not in comparison with the other person.” There is no point in comparing yourself to the next person because we all have flaws. When the Creator judges us it will be on an individual basis and we will not be compared to someone else. Therefore why allow a man to judge you like that if it’s not even within his jurisdiction to do that. Don’t feed into that negative energy because you will just drive yourself crazy. Be happy with what you can do, and if something is out of your reach then leave it alone because you will not be able to do it all.
With that being said a man and a woman should always strive to put their best in a relationship. Both should try to make adjustments where possible, because this will only contribute to the longevity of the relationship. If neither party is willing to make sacrifices and changes the relationship will be doomed. Note what another proverb states, “Whoever listens to reproof acquires understanding…and before glory there is humility.” Imagine a relationship that puts this to practice with one another, the love and strength that will exist in that relationship will glorify the relationship. Now with everything there has to be balance, if the one you love points out something you need to work on that is not a green light to bring yourself down and be critical of yourself. However if that’s all he ever does is point out your flaws you don’t want to stick around long enough to give him the opportunity to bring you down.
Know when you are receiving the “butter up” treatment
How can you recognize a real compliment from the fake one given with ulterior motives? Well ask yourself how could you tell a good fruit tree from a bad one? Wouldn’t it be by the fruit it produces? Likewise how do his word’s line up with his actions? If he is complementing you and then following that by asking for something, or he only uses compliments and sweet words when you have caught him doing something he shouldn’t have been doing then his fruitage is revealing what type of man he is. The message being sent is I am not really who I say I am, but since I know these words will make you fall for me I’ll keep using it so I can get what I want from you. Compliments are great if the man backs up what he says by the way he treats you on an every day basis. If you’re only seeing good when he wants something or when he is trying to fix your relationship you are receiving the “butter up” treatment.
He is not your father
If you grew up without a real fatherly presence in your life do not allow just any man to fulfill that need in your life. If the man you are talking to really wants to play a key part in your life, what do his actions reflect? The man who wants to be your everything will manifest that in his actions just like a Dad would. When you need someone to talk to he will be there, when you are down he will be the one to pick you up, he will love you more than anything else in his life. That man should have leadership qualities, which would included wanting to provide for his girl and not expect the full load to drop on her. Selfishness goes out the window and he lives by “team us” not team “I”. Young women the biggest mistake you make is when you settle for less. DO NOT SETTLE!!!!! Always remember that even if every man on this planet went bad, there is a psalm that states “Even if my own father and mother abandon me, Jehovah (God’s name) himself will take me in.”
Young women if you follow this advice you will reap the benefits, and even if you don’t find the man of your dreams right away at least you will save yourself a life time of pain.