- Gender and Relationships
You're Getting A Divorce? At Least It's Not Cancer
This week I went to the cinema. I haven't gone in years but my friend invited me and she said that it was a good movie to see so I went. The name of the movie was Crazy, Stupid, Love and though there were funny moments in it, it just re-affirmed for me the reason why I stay away from the cinema.
Did you know that PG-13 movies are allowed one major profanity? I read that just the other day. Every movie with that rating is allowed one major curse word and of course as many of the minor ones they want. The article also stated that the makers of these movies try their best to make use of the word in the best way they could. This movie was no different and while some think that curse words are no biggie and others think that in some cases they are necessary, I don't and I find it offensive that the state of society has gotten to the point where the makers of PG-13 films have the confidence of knowing that their films will be box office hits because the parents of the children who watch it have no problem with profanity on a whole.
Anyway, in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love, the main character is told by his wife of twenty-five years that she wants a divorce. This sends him into a spiral of depression and it is even evident at the office. When his co-workers ask him what is wrong he says that his wife has asked for a divorce. At this, his co-worker exclaims, "That's all! We thought you had Cancer! Everyone here was so afraid to come over here!" Then he announces to the entire office, "It's OK! It's just a divorce!"
My friend next to me, and the rest of the people in the theater, burst into hysterical laughter and she said to me, "Isn't that true! It really puts things into perspective."
For about what must have been the millionth time I realized that my perspective and others just were not the same. I did not laugh when the co-worker said that. I did not think it was funny. My perspective was and is completely different.
I was amazed that my friend could laugh having gone through a divorce herself. Maybe the reason why she could laugh was because it was over and, as she tells me often, to her, it is not a big deal. Having never been divorced or even married, I can't really say I have personal experience with it. But I think it would be a big deal to me.
So I asked myself to equate divorce with cancer. Which was worse?
Just the word cancer feels like a death sentence doesn't it? It is like a notice you receive in the mail saying, "Your life has been unavoidably shortened. Please act accordingly." I have known many people to suffer from cancer and it has brought so much grief to friends and family. It feels like the person you love is being unfairly ripped away from you. To the victim of cancer it feels like you are being unfairly ripped away from the ones you love.
I have known many people who have gone through divorce. It is like you receive a notice in the mail that says, "The person you thought would stay with you for forever even if you die unavoidably must be taken away from you. Please act accordingly." It can feel like the person you love is being unfairly ripped away from you. To the victim of divorce it can feel like you are being unfairly ripped away from the ones you love.
When people get the confirmation that they are terminally ill it is a devastating blow. It is notice that your life is not going to be as long as you expected. But what about people who do not get this notice but die anyway? Sudden death is just as devastating and tragic. As a matter of fact death causes grief and everybody has to die. There is no way to get around it.
Nobody has to get a divorce but it comes so easily. Vows are made and broken everyday.
I think that divorce is as bad or worse than cancer because it is the notice that your marriage is dead and marriage is not supposed to be something that can die. When you get divorced it means that the person you joined yourself to, to become one with, is now ripped away. I think of it like Siamese twins undergoing an operation. There is a serious risk that both could die during the operation. There is a great risk that one could die during the operation, and there is a small chance that both will survive after they have been ripped apart. If you think I am being too dramatic maybe it is because I have not been desensitized to the whole, "Everybody gets divorced and it doesn't always work out," bit.
The idea that nothing lasts forever, that causes today's youth to act regardless of the consequences, I believe comes from the fact that they see no constant in the lives of those close to them. No one stays together anymore and that is OK. Temporary is better than permanent . When you have a problem, don't face it and try to solve it , just leave! How many cases of divorce are recorded as 'irreconcilable differences'? I think that it is the new phrase when it comes to divorce. It is the easiest way to say that there were problems in the marriage that one or both of us did not want to deal with.
Granted, that some divorces stem from abuse and those are understandable but I just think that divorce has become so easy and seemingly painless that people do not realize that it is the ceremony that signifies that something precious has died. Divorce is just as tragic as cancer. It tells you that you only have a few more days or months to be a family.