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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not A Guide to the Adult Crush

Updated on November 12, 2007

Head Games or Love Games?

Here's the scenario. You like someone. You really like them. No, really, really like them. So much in the way that you resemble a schoolgirl with a crush on a football player. Only you're a full fledged adult and you are not so sure what to do with those feelings. Now you have a hunch that this person likes you too, but alas the timing is just "not right." So your heart sinks heavy as you contemplate your next move. What should you do about the feelings that you are having? Do you immediately tell them and hope for the best? Do you stay silent and wait for them to make the first move? Do you wait it out and see if it will eventually work with this person. Or do you brush it off and move on? Speaking of moving on, how exactly does one go about doing that? Is there a way of shutting off your feelings? Are you able to control how you feel and can you change your emotions? If you thought crushes were difficult as an adolescent think again it gets even trickier as an adult when more factors come into play.

Now you already have the growing suspicion that this person likes you too but for whatever reason neither one of you can act on it. Let's pretend its for a good reason and see what your next move should be. First of all you should not isolate yourself from the rest of the world and all other potential suitors. By doing this you could miss out on another opportunity that would be even better. Plus you are going to make yourself lonely and unhappy. When everyone else is out having fun and meeting people you don't want to be sitting at home alone because you are waiting on someone. Remember at this point all you have is a crush, not a full on relationship. There is no reason to treat this is a relationship unless you have arranged it to be that way. It's very important that you keep this in mind so that you know the difference and do not get the two mixed up.

It would be perfectly acceptable to see other people while you are waiting to see if a relationship will happen with that one special person. If you are in contact with them it is advised not to tell them all about your dating adventures because there are things they just simply do not need to know. As there are things about them that you would not want to know. All that can come from that is jealousy and hurt feelings. When you have a crush on someone the last thing you want to do is cause hurt feelings or make them jealous as appealing as that may seem. Jealousy never goes over as well as it sounds like it would. It is best that you stay away from it all together. Also you must make sure that you do not feel guilty for seeing other people. If you begin to feel guilt you may want to rethink your situation entirely. Once again, you only have a crush, there have been no guidelines set or boundaries established. You should not be holding yourself back for someone who is not doing the same for you.

Now that you've realized you are free to date around and see where that takes you what if you just cannot shake the feelings you have for your crush? What if you are still crazy about them and you just cannot let it go? If you really cannot get rid of these feelings, do not try to suppress them. As long as you are still able to function in your daily life I would not worry about them too much. If it begins to become a problem then once again you may want to rethink the situation entirely. This crush may have become an infatuation and you may need a way to distract yourself. If you do not feel like seeing other people then by all means do not do it. But be sure not to isolate yourself from the world. Do not rely on phone calls, texts or emails from this person.If they don't come you will be disappointed and may begin to have ideas about why they are not coming which can only lead to bad end results. Putting too much faith into one person early on can lead to disappointment. Having a crush is risky as is, adding stress on top of it is a nightmare.

Having a crush as an adult is not an easy thing. You can't exactly send your best friend across the dance floor with a note to see if Billy likes you. There are much more factors that go into play now that you are all grown ups. Keeping your cool and staying in control of your emotions is a big factor for success. Remember if things don't go right at first don't get too upset. These can be tricky situations and often have a way of working themselves out for the better. If you like someone, tell them. There's no need to hesitate and wait for them to tell you first. Be pro active and make the first move. Your crush will appreciate it especially if the feelings are reciprocated. Also keep in mind that if things don't go as you had planned there is always someone else out there waiting to fall in love with you. Sometimes you have to do a little work to get what you want. Nothing in life comes easy and neither should love. Carve out your own destiny and find your own happiness. While you're at it tell someone how you feel, it might just make their day!

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      Deana 

      4 years ago

      eally don't read this its 1 of those forwards i just want 2 see if it works PLZ DON'T READ THIS U WILL GET KISSED ON THE NEAREST FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER IF YOU DON'T RE-POST THIS COMMENT YOU WILL DIE WITHIN 2 DAYS. NOW UV STARTED READING DIS DON'T STOP THIS IS SO SCARY. SEND THIS OVER TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES WHEN UR DONE PRESS F6 AND UR CRUSHES NAME WILL APPEAR ON THE SCREEN IN BIG LETTERS. THIS IS SO SCARY CAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS

    • profile image

      ll 

      7 years ago

      ok, let's add to that scenario that there's a good chance he's exactly what you're looking for but he's such a gentleman he won't act on it because he's accquaintenses with your ex- husband. even after ten years divorced. now what? he's the best man i know and his good manners are stopping an otherwise wonderful opportunity.

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      denice 

      8 years ago

      Thank you! Infatuation. Is that what I'm feeling? hmmm. very good advice. I'm taking you up on it.

    • profile image

      IK 

      9 years ago

      I have been talking to a person by chat for a while & he said he has a crush on me although we have never met. I've never had a crush as an adult, & your article explained things very well. Thank you.

    • profile image

      lc 

      9 years ago

      this was truly inspiring. most of it is exactly how ive been feeling for someone lately. thank you for this, it helped me more thank you can imagine.

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