FLIRTING TIPS FOR MEN - ONLINE DATING (Part One)
I promised recently to write more Hubs about love, flirting and dating.
Whenever I write about any topic, I do the research all over the Internet. While doing research for this Hub, I have found many hundreds of pages with flirting advices for guys - written by guys. It is majority. I was really shocked how bad and misleading can be advices which man can give to the other man. Many of this texts treat us, females, as hunting animals...I am not surprised that such advices cannot really work.
My personal online dating experiences are the following:
Last summer my friend invited me to join one society page, I did not know that it was a dating one. (Really did not now: picture of Kofi Anan was on the front page. You must agree that Kofi Anan is not person someone would be connect with dating, Bill Clinton would be more under my suspect). After 1 month, all together I got more then 400 dating offers from the men all around the world, age 20-65, although I wrote down in my profile that I am interested for friendships only). But guess what? None of these offers was interesting enough to make me really curious. Actually it was just one, because guy was really witty and funny, and had great sense of humor, what helped him to establish first conversation. On the end of story, after one month, I closed my profile and run away completely exhausted from receiving all those messages. One month was enough time for me to gain online experience so I can share my conclusions with you and give you, as a women, some valuable advices...
Flirting is an art, and is best that women teach men what we like. Most often, the guys who write or talk about their rich love&sex-experiences just want to present themselves as great lovers while making up fairy tales based on their hot imagination.
What is your goal?
Statistics say, that they are much more men then women searching partners on dating pages- usual men-women ratio is 60:40, what is great for females, but not so good for the guys.
But, despite statistic`s facts, remember that there is nothing on this world that you cannot be, do or have, if you really want it, and if you invest enough of effort in gaining that.
Before you start to scroll over dating Internet pages, wishing to find girl or woman of your dreams, take a little brake to think. At first, be honest with yourself and decide what you want from your dating experience: love, friendship, just sex, long-term relationship, romance, affair...Whatever is what you want, when you are honest to yourself and you focus upon that, you will get it, I hope my tips will help you.
Once when you set up your goal, the best is too choose filtered pages for the specific goal you have..... If you want deep, honest relationship, do not try to find that on the adult pages or on sexy sms-chates. Miracles can happen everywhere, but is best that you do not fall in love with fantasy blond girl you see there, sexy angel of your dreams, because on that places profiles and pics are usually fake ones. Girls and women are there to earn money, at the first place, men come there to have virtual sex without any commitments, so everybody is "happy". Do not expect anything more of that. So many men fall in love on such places, while not being honest to themselves: instead of virtual sex, they actually need love. Result is always - deep unhappiness.
If you want just virtual affair, do not go on the pages where girls and women are asking for real long-term romance and some sort of commitment. On that way, if you get what you want, you will hurt the other person, because you did not fulfill her real expectations. Girls are not just objects of men´s passion, these are human beings, the same as you are.
The most women DO WANT and EXPECT some sort of commitment in relationship. There is no such thing like relationship without any responsibility at all.You are very responsible towards your buddies and male colleagues. Women deserve at least equal treatment. If you want just dating or little romance, your level of responsibilities will be lower then while building permanent relationship...but not without any at all. Honesty is most important: exactly say what you want: at first to yourself, than to the girl or the women you want to be with. It is horrible if you tell her the truth after sex, or even worse, if you just forget to tell the truth at all and suddenly run away, after you reached your goal - if the goal was just passionate night (or 5 minutes, whatever). After such experiences women become bitter and angry, while misused...even can pay you back with some sort of revenge.
Why female connect sex with love
Usually men do not think when they are attracted to the girl or women, or to the goal they want to rich. They just follow their basic instincts, process of thinking comes later...very often too late. If the goal is sex only, after desire is fulfilled, men loose interest.
On the contrary, girls start to think about possible relationship, they fall in love, especially after good, passionate sex. Female sexual organs are very sensitive, deeply connected with emotions, love, acceptance...because of role of maternity. For carrying somebody else, inside you for 9 months as women carry the babies, your body needs to be full of love.Imagine that, and you will better understand us, The same is with sex...Woman must have a big amount of loving abilities and high level of trust for doing that...because her sexual urge IS the most often connected with the love.
For our gender, sex is not the game, in 95% of case. Women do fall in love after sexual intercourse, especially if there is good compatibility and a lot of passion involved.Unfortunately for us, these are our basic instincts, it is not easy to full the nature.
Importance of profile for succseful online dating
Good profile for successful dating
1. Photo in your profile is just "must". Use the nice, new photo of yourself. Do not use your baby pictures, cartoon-avatars etc. You are who you are. If you do not like the way you look, be aware that good hairdresser can do the miracles. Maybe you would look more attractive with a beard or without it....everybody can look attractive with some simple changes made. Use your imagination, ask your female friends to give you some advices. Right clothes can also do the miracles...and very important, stay dressed.
2. Write in your profile the best about yourself, but do not lie(!), about thinks you like, about things you would like to share with the girl together (I hope that there is more then one activity you can imagine to do with the woman of your dreams).
3.A lot of men use "poor me" attitude to provoke compassion from the girls or women. Women usually have higher sense of compassion then guys, many of men have habit of using that fact for flirting purposes. But, actually, we are all truly attracted with positive energy at first, and is better that woman admire you then pitty you. So, the best key of love-success is to use positivity. If you try to successfully attract the girl, do not use the following expressions like:
"I am just an old dude"...females like bright, active men young in the heart. You are not trying to find a nurse???Or you are to lazy to give the best or yourself....
"My life is disaster".....who would like to share it with you?
"My love-life has been tragedy up till now"....what are you trying to find on dating pages then? New disaster or what?
"I am hopeless case"... we all have seen so many of them, please do not be one more among them.
"Nobody understands me"...with such attitude, believe me, nobody ever would..
"Accept me as I am, I do not want to change because of anybody..."....hm, this cannot work. In a relationship, every person has to change and adjust to the another one. That is the reason relationships are not always easy.But things cannot work the other way.
4. Do not lie about yourself! You do not gain anything with lying in the long term. On the end of story you will have to prove what you were written about yourself, sooner or latter.
One my friend was dating the men who was saying that he was great lover and that he cannot imagine men whose sexual performance is 5 times per 5 minutes. When she discovered that his abilities are just like he was saying they were not, she politely kicked him out from her apartment and never wanted to see him again. Believe or not, the main reason she has done that is because he was not telling the true.
The main reason why is important to tell the true is - when you lie, there is no chance that Miss Right discoveres you.
5. I discovered that a lot of guys adore to write and speak how successful, active, brave and adventorous they were in the past. And very often they still do live in the past only. "When "I was 20 I ...", "In my 30-s I could..." etc. This is very interesting, and all of us like to talk about our past experiences. But, for the women or girl is much more interesting: what are you doing NOW , what are your`s plans for the future, especially what are you planning to do together with her! She did not share with you the moments of your past, but she does want to share with you present time and future!
6. Fill in all questiones in the profile, which are really relevant.
Do not get attracted with the attractive picture of the first sexy girl you see only. A lot of dating websites have good tests of compatibility. Take your time and use them. F.e. there are very usuful tests on the http://www.dreams.come.true.love-match.net:
- SuperMatch – Find your soulmate
- SoulMatch – Character matching
- SelectMatch – Interest matching
- SensualMatch – Sexual compatibility
- StarSignMatch – Zodiac matching
If you want to find girlfriend, compatibility is very important. People with many similar interests can establish contact much more easier. It is worth to try. Believe me, there is love - match for everybody on this planet.
1.When you start to establish contact with the person you like, do not post short messages like: "Hello!", "Hi!" or "Buuuu". Even if girl likes your picture, most probably she will think that you are not intelligent enough, because we like men with communication skills developed. Humanity does not live in the caves any more for many thousand years, so levels of communications changed since then.
2. Read the profile of the girl / girls you want to contact, you will find out a lot about her, and then you will know which type of message is the most appropriate, serious one, or humorous one. Believe me, girls & women DO READ PROFILES, and DO APPRECIATE MEN WHO READ THEIRS. On that way you will get many positive points in her/their eyes.
3. Good serious, polite message could start with: "Hi, my name is________, I have seen your profile and see that we have a lot in common. Please, be so kind, and check my profile, we both like_________. etc, etc, etc... In case you are writer on http://hubpages.com, do not worry: you have your Hubs to speak in your name, as well.
4. Compliments: Do not give the compliments on her body only: use expressions like "Your eyes are beautiful", "You look like very sweet person", "I like your interests, your attitude and the way you look..I think you are amazing and gorgeous", "You are very special, nice and beautiful" . But say that if you really mean it.
5. Humorous (but polite) message can be connected with her interests or photo. We like humour and laughing...and original comments which show, that you took the time to see the details on photo or read the text in the profile.
6. If you are writer on the http://hubpages.com do not forget to mention that and give her link for one or two of your good and popular Hubs, especially if she likes writing...except majority of your Hubs are about hot sexy pictures of the actresses. On that way, i doubt that you have a lot of chances by providing the links, girls like exclusivity in relationships. Even then you can be honest: "OK, I am posting hot sexy pics to get more publicity and much more money earned through www.Google.com ( Google AdSense , www.Google.com/adsense ), but I find you more interesting and attractive then all of these actress are. You are real and nice, these actresses do not belong to the real world..." or something like that.
7. Be patient, do not expect everything immediately. In Europe we say: "Rome was not build in one day".
8. Flirt – Can you flirt online? Absolutely you can.But you cannot start communication with immediate flirting. Sending love in the first message, or sexy comments, usually do not work. Girls do not believe in that, think that is stupid, and such things usually scare them away. Flirting comes natural, when communication is already well established. Many online dating services provide you with special tools specifically for flirting. You can wink at someone, blow kisses, and send special messages. But do not insist on sexual comments, if you see that the girl would like you to know you better, for the beginning.
This Hub is just beginning of my serial of dating tips.
If you want advice for good dating page, I recommend you the following:
It has perfect ways of communication between members established:
- Free E-mail – Contact others for free
- Phone support – Personal and direct
- Browse free – Member galleries
- Video communication – Webcam chat
- Voice direct – with new technology
- Phone 2 phone – Anonymous!
For very serious dating (marriage, long term relationships) this one is good:
These two have free option for the first month, but my opinion is that relationships and dating are very serious, people who pay the membership show that their intentions are not just joke. There is not possible to get something for nothing...
Wish you all the best from all my heart...