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Relationships: 10 Reasons Why You Should Lease, Not Buy

Updated on September 6, 2010

To buy or lease? It’s a choice you make with cars and homes, but what if you approached your relationships the same way?

No, we’re not referring to the oldest profession in the world (though the concept could apply to matrimonial prostitution--a fairly common accord in the U.S.) and before you jump to conclusions and see this suggestion as cold-hearted, let us explain how it could transform your love life and help you to avoid future suffering.

After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, including observing thousands of love relationships as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve come to the conclusion that the current model of dating and relationships isn’t working too well and that a new approach is desperately needed.

How much pain have you and people you know endured due to love relationships? Traditional marriage and relationships can be wonderful, but unfortunately there are too many associated traps that cause problems  for even the most intelligent people.

In traditional relationships, couples tend to believe that they own each other. “I’m yours.” “You’re mine.” While placing a claim on someone seems to be, oddly, universally accepted, it’s too often about control and leads to heartache.

Indefinitely leasing, on the other hand, doesn’t mean you love or respect someone less, but more, because at the core of this mind-set is unconditional love, the highest form of love, and a lack of possessiveness and other fears.

You don’t have to suffer anymore. Simply altering your perception of your love life can lead to less stress and more enjoyment. The following 10 reasons outline why indefinitely leasing instead of buying or attempting to own a partner can be a better option and are based on our long-term findings.

1) “Together forever,” is a fairytale in most cases. Select couples might be capable of “growing old” together (and being authentically happy--both of them) and are destined to do so, but for many others, it’s just not meant to be (especially when the relationship begins early in life). Resisting this will only cause more heartache and stress.

All relationships have destined durations. If a life-long, mutually compatible and loving relationship is meant to be, it will be.

*Dishonesty Yields Negative Karma*

By the way, it’s important to remember that by accepting that most relationships are not meant to be life-long doesn’t give anyone a license to cheat or fail to make the most of their relationship. Dishonesty always incurs a karmic price. However, being attracted to or falling in love with someone else doesn’t. And since you don’t have to sleep with someone to fall in love with them, keeping a tight leash on your partner will not prevent what is meant to be.

2) Everyone has many soul mates. You miss opportunities for spiritual growth by staying locked into a relationship that has already ended.

3) You will meet who you are supposed to meet, when you’re supposed to meet them, at various times in your life—and everyone has a different schedule.

4) Buying cannot lock in and enhance the security, stability, or happiness of a relationship. Rely on yourself instead and see sharing your time and, or life with someone else as a bonus.

5) Buying doesn’t guarantee you won’t grow old alone. If you’re afraid of being alone, cultivate good friendships. Also realize there are benefits and opportunities to being single.

6) Buying doesn’t assure security and happiness for children. In fact, it can be harmful for a child when a couple tries to conform, unsuccessfully, to a traditional relationship. A child contract, on the other hand, puts the child first and protects the main caretaker of the child.

7) You don’t know who the love of your life is until the last day of your life. Each bond is for different purposes.

8) No one can be your “everything” for a lifetime. It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect one person to meet all your needs the rest of your life.

9) Personal fate and karma (both “good” and “bad”) exist, especially in regards to love. It’s impossible to completely control your love life or someone else.

10) “True love” is more often, but not always projection, illusion, and, or a state of mind rather than an actual extraordinary bond between couples.

We’re all for enjoying the perks of romance, but just remember to be realistic too.

Would you like to strengthen your relationship, prepare for a new one, or learn to love being single?

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo


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    • msorensson profile image


      8 years ago

      Wow...this is so interesting Scott.. :-)

      Each and every point that you raised is valid. There can be commitment in the heart and that can be forever.

      I agree it is rare but not impossible. There is a kind of love which after having passed through every trial a human can endure,when the heart has been torched, remains.

      Note that I make a distinction between loving someone...forever and being with someone. The first is not a choice, it is a statement of fact. The other can change at any moment.


    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      Respect, honesty, tolerance and openess I think are the most important keys.

    • AlexK2009 profile image


      8 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      Interestng points. The important point is honesty, which chan be very very hard.


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