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Protecting My Son From Lesbians

Updated on June 17, 2013

Volume II

My son's friends, his friends' parents, his teachers, coaches, and even his doctor simply can't know I am a homosexual. To some, I may appear ashamed, embarrassed and foolish to carry on this way, but I am simply protecting my son from lesbians.

Let me start by setting up the dynamic. My son is not my biological son. When I met my wife ten years ago, he was only four months old. Aside from a two year period when he was between the ages of two and four, I have been co-parenting with my spouse.

I learned very early on that he was- how should I say this- a wimpy kid. In fairness, in the right environment he could flourish, but, in the environments we could afford when he was younger, he was doomed. He had two parents, I and my wife, with English degrees, and we insisted he speak correctly from a very young age. According to his classmates, he talked like 'white folks'. We also required strict adherence to rules and regulations. Getting in trouble in school is not an option. Knowing this, he tried diligently to avoid conflicts for fear of getting in trouble when he got home even when the trouble was not his fault. Let's add to these qualities a personality he seemed to be gifted with at birth that finds all others, both children and adults, to be inferior. Well, a 'proper' speaking black boy thinking he is better than you and trying hard to avoid trouble is a target for the truly weak who are willing to do anything to prove that they are tough. Let’s just say, my son got bullied. I tried to teach him about code switching- the practice of moving back and forth between two languages or between two dialects of the same language-, encouraged him to defend himself and placed him in karate to learn how, and tried to build a character of humility by making him get involved in things to provide service to others. Nothing seemed to work. I knew we were headed nowhere fast when he almost let an older child at summer camp force him to put his head in a toilet with bile inside. Well, with a child like this, how could I dare add another strike on his plate?

So we consciously and subconsciously, decided a long time ago to not reveal that we were lovers to people in his life that may treat him differently. We needed him to grow, mature and learn how to fight first. We needed him to be comfortable in his skin and build his character. We needed for him to be old enough to understand as we talked to him, laid the foundation, and then talked to him again. When he was about four or five we talked about having two mommies. He seemed to know that he did but didn't think it was different. He was obviously delusional and not ready for the whole world to see something his innocent mind couldn't find. Besides, his feelings were still getting hurt when the children picked on him for having a mother so dark. So we waited, asked questions, talked, and listened. We told anyone involved with him that I was his godmother and continued to work with him at home. A few months ago I asked what he would say if someone said something about him having two mothers. He said he would reply,” So, they love me!" That was my indication that I was done protecting him from lesbians. He is now ready to face the world.

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