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How To Tell If Your In an Abusive Relationship

Updated on July 6, 2011

How to Tell if You are in an Abusive Relationship

A relationship feels good for both partners of the relationship especially when you are treated with dignity and respect. This good feeling can quickly become replaced by feelings of fear and doubt when abuse is present in the relationship. Physical abuse is the most common type of relationship abuse. It is most apparent by:

  • Unexplained bruises on the arms. These can most usually be found on the forearms and upper arms. The marks are generally left in a grip like pattern.
  • Black eyes, cuts and scrapes are also very common.

One thing to remember here is that with the second bullet above, one incident does not indicate abuse. A continued occurrence of these marks is a good indication of abuse though. People who have been abused physically may wear unseasonal attire to hide bruises and other injuries. If you see a person that usually wears short sleeve shirts or blouses, all of a sudden show up wearing a turtle neck in August, this may be cause for alarm. Do you see people wearing sunglasses inside a building, another possible sign?

Physical abuse is not the only type of relationship abuse though. There is sexual abuse as well. Sexual abuse in a relationship is still a crime. Rape can happen between a man and woman even if they are in a committed relationship. Something to remember is that a woman is not the only victim of abuse; men can and are abused on a daily basis too. It is not in keeping with popular culture to worry about men being abused. Men typically don’t deal with abuse the same way a woman does, but it can destroy that man just as easily as abuse can destroy a woman. So the lesson to be learned is that men are victims too.

The last form of abuse is emotional abuse, and it is just as deadly as physical and sexual abuse in a relationship. Emotional abuse is often found in relationships where one partner constantly puts the other down. The making of a person to feel worthless and good for nothing, is emotional abuse. Attempting of one partner to control the other is also emotional abuse.

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is scary
Domestic Violence is scary

A healthy relationship


A healthy relationship has conflicts.  Conflicts are unavoidable; humans often have differences of opinions on various things.  A healthy relationship will find the couple working through the conflicts in a supportive manner.  One partner gets what the want some of the time and the other gets what they want to rest of the time.  A 50/50 split on getting their way makes for a healthier relationship.

A healthy relationship also includes respecting each other and your differences.  It also includes valuing those differences as they add strength to a relationship, encouragement to have a social life outside of the relationship, platonic friendships only.

Every person deserves to be loved for who they are and never for what they can do for you.  Relationships should also never hurt or make someone feel bad.

An abusive relationship

Some signs of an abusive relationship are when your partner acts very jealous or possessive, or try to keep you from having other friends. It can also be if your partner always tries to dictate what clothes you will wear. Men if your wife or significant other tells you what to wear sometimes, this is not abuse, she is just making sure you look good for wherever you are going. If your partner puts you down or says something to hurt your feelings, this is abuse. If they pressure you for sex, or to use drugs and alcohol you are in an abusive relationship. The most obvious sign of an abusive relationship is if your partner ever hits, pushes, kicks, or hurts you in a physical way.

Abuse is a terrible thing. If it happens to you, you must realize that it is not your fault. You are the victim. There is no such thing as someone deserving abuse or asking for abuse. I have watched a lot of videos and done a lot of education type training on abuse and often hear of a woman claiming that if she hadn’t done this or that, the abuse wouldn’t have happened. This ladies is BS. Another thing to remember is that abusive relationships are often a cycle. It starts off small like yelling, and then gets to violence, then an apology, and the cycle repeats itself.

If you find you are in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately. Call and talk to a trusted friend or relative about it or contact a crisis hotline in your area. There are many programs to help victims of relationship abuse. If you are afraid that you will get hurt for reaching out for help, call the police and report domestic violence. The police are professional people sworn to an oath to help their citizens. They will know what to do. The domestic abuse hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

Weekly Hubmob

Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence


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    • Tams R profile image

      Tams R 6 years ago from Missouri

      Good information. Abuse is so common and people frequently miss the signs of someone being abused. The person being abused gets lost and doesn't see a way out. Recognizing the signs someone may be abusive is the best way to stay safe. Good job.

    • wesleycox profile image

      wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

      Thank you purpleangel for adding to my hub with your wonderful comment. I also hope that this issue be sent packing but one can only hope for now.

    • purpleangel47 profile image

      purpleangel47 7 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      I know you penned this a while ago westleycox but I wanted to comment because, unfortunately, it's still relevent. Thank you for taking the time to note the differences between a loving relationship and an abusive one. Too many people still don't understand the difference. I did my own hub on domestic violence as well a couple of months ago. I hope that one day we can put the issue to rest. Until then, thumbs to you for speaking out.

    • wesleycox profile image

      wesleycox 8 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

      You are absolutely right shamelabboush and the kids learn of it when they see it. Therefore what they see is what they do. I hope we can end this disease some day soon.

    • shamelabboush profile image

      shamelabboush 8 years ago

      Home disturbances or abuse are common diseases nowadays. It's very sad and can change lives forever specially the kids. Thanks wesley.

    • wesleycox profile image

      wesleycox 8 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

      Sue: I do agree that in cases of domestic violence alcohol has been apart of it. However, I do not agree that alcohol causes a person to abuse people. If you're abusive you're abusive without alcohol just as much as with it. Thank you for coming by and reading.

      Breakfastpop: I fully agree with you. Love never hits. Thank you for stopping by.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 8 years ago

      Very important hub. I always remember the words, If he hits you he doesn't love you. That message has to get out there.

    • Sue Adams profile image

      Juliette Kando FI Chor 8 years ago from Andalusia

      We should not forget that alcohol is the real culprit. That is what turns Jekyll into Hyde. There is a ban on drunk driving. Similarly there should be a ban on drunk dating and drunk copulating (breeding children who will become victims of domestic violence).

    • wesleycox profile image

      wesleycox 8 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

      I was actually going to hold off on this one until later but the weekly hubmob said, abuse hubs so I decided to dust it off and put it together. I am anxious to find out what all the fuss is, about the hubmob. Some women do go overboard with the whole clothes thing though. My girl is pretty cool about it and never lets me get out of the house if I look like a douche. Plus she is fashionably keen.

    • profile image

      Pachuca213 8 years ago

      This was wonderful. It is always good for these kind of informative hubs. I love the part where you single the men out and tell them when us ladies tell you what to wear that we aren't abusing, but rather trying to help you guys look your best. Of course we don't want to destroy your manhood while doing it either. Thank you for contributing this!

    • wesleycox profile image

      wesleycox 8 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

      Thank you both for reading this hub. It is my first attempt at a hubmob and am glad that I have your approval.

    • Hmrjmr1 profile image

      Hmrjmr1 8 years ago from Georgia, USA

      Great Job Wes.

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 8 years ago

      well written hub..... so many have had some form of abuse in their lives for sure