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Anyone Can Marry a Person with Antisocial Personality Disorder...

Updated on February 5, 2017

...Yes, even you could.

Once called psychopaths or sociopaths, people who have Antisocial Personality Disorder (re-classified by the DSM-5) are more prevalent in society than we realize. Most people know about the ones who make headlines after committing a heinous crime, but they aren’t the only ones to be leery of as you navigate through life. Most of us encounter people with antisocial personality disorder (APD) and don’t even realize it. They are often charmers who can, without force, convince you to do their bidding. They are self-centered and can be extremely ambitious, especially when it serves their needs. They take no responsibility for their deviant behaviors and will try to twist events, placing the blame on someone or something else, even on you.

I’m sharing my experience because I don’t want to see more innocent people fall prey to these manipulating life wreckers. I believe we can learn from each other to make our lives better and safer.

Did Fate Conspire Against Me?

Did fate play a part in my doomed marriage to a man with antisocial personality disorder?

I believe it did, and it played a big part. I don’t necessarily mean that the universe had some grand plan for me to marry this man, but the way I set my life up did. I spent my younger adult years with well-defined career goals that I set in motion before I even became an adult. My career in advertising was thriving and to most I appeared to be an adjusted, successful woman who was on her way up. The only problem existed outside of the office. Socially I was insecure and happy for any attention I received from men. To top it off, I had an undiagnosed disorder of my own that would remain dormant for nearly a decade. I suffer from bipolar disorder.

pre-fate momentum arrow
pre-fate momentum arrow

I moved with my job several times to different cities and finally ended up in the South. I built a house, settled in and met my, now, ex-husband not three months later. He was handsome, charming, came from an upper middle class family. He knew sports celebrities and all the right people at the places we frequented. He was the center of attention and soon became the center of my world. We married a mere nine months later and began to play “happy family.”

Our problems were immediate. I was suspicious of unaccounted periods of time when I couldn’t reach him or he provided a flimsy explanation for his whereabouts. The next two years created marital problems that I thought stemmed from my insecurities and general paranoia that he was not being faithful. I would never believe how close to the truth I ventured while being completely naive to the entire situation. Like everything in your life, we all play our parts in getting us to where we end up.

Within a short time he manipulated me into draining my bank accounts to pay for our wedding and then to buy a business that required office space and expensive equipment. He forged my signature on documents and then the last straw: the cell phone bill. I got the bill first for some reason and he had racked up a few thousand dollars in charges calling sex lines. Of course he lied about it and after seeing a doctor claimed to be a sex addict. We even went to couples counseling and he went to individual counseling. I know because I paid for all of that, a well. Unfortunately this was only the beginning.

A Knock That Went Ignored
A Knock That Went Ignored

One day, loud pounding at the door brought a startling reality that I shouldn’t have ignored, but did. He went to answer the door while I was getting ready for work. When he didn't return after a few minutes, I went to check on him, thinking it must have been a neighbor. I innocently opened the front door and discovered several members of the SWAT team and local police force in the process of arresting him (shirtless, of course, just like on COPS). The image of him being handcuffed with a gun pointed at his head is permanently seared into my memory.

You'd think his being arrested for sexual assault with a deadly weapon would have been my wake-up call, but as I mentioned, people with antisocial personality disorder are good liars and manipulators. I never even knew the full charge until many years later. His lies continued to pile up and I bought the entire lot for a couple more years! His charade encompassed all: family, friends, business associates, neighbors...everyone was fooled.Astounding shock filled our community and lives, with the exception of his parents, who unbeknownst to me, had helped him cover up an eerily similar criminal mishap with a woman, about a decade earlier.

Further Reading! - for those who love or are possibly married to a psychopath

finally seeing the truth
finally seeing the truth

I was encouraged to not attend the court proceedings during the long, drawn-out legal process because I was pregnant at the time. He “told” me what was going on but it was his twisted version of the facts, not the truth. He took a plea bargain and shortly after my son was born, they sentenced him to prison for more than a decade. The charade continued for a few more years because he was incarcerated nearby where he could still easily manipulate me and my feelings. Soon though, without his daily influence, the stranglehold loosened and I felt like myself again. It took four years, but once I finally realized all of his lies, I divorced him and never looked back.

He did his best to guilt me into staying with him and continued to send me cards and letters professing his love for me. Fortunately I realized by then, that I never really loved him in the first place. I'd had doubts before we married, that I brushed off as pre-wedding jitters, but my gut instincts turned out to be right. I promised myself I'd NEVER ignore them again. One of the hardest things about the entire ordeal was facing the fact that it was my decision to let this person into my life. No one likes making a mistake, especially one so close to the heart, but in the end I realized it was more about him than me. I made a poor choice based on what I thought was the truth. It was an honest mistake. I wasn't tying to manipulate someone to fulfill my needs. So I let it go and moved on without blaming myself.

post-fate comeback
post-fate comeback


It’s been close to a decade without my ex around, and I've changed dramatically as a person. I’ve had so much therapy that I'm practically capable of teaching it to others. A few important things have changed: after a quarter of a century of struggling, I finally nurtured and maintain a healthy self-esteem, I never ignore that little voice of intuition, I graduated from college with honors in a creative field more suitable to my personality, I no longer emit that "desperation" pheromone that attracts the wrong type of partner, and I don't try to protect and mother everyone around me (just my son). I still have faith in people, but it's now peppered with underlying skepticism and caution.

As a side note, my ex will be released from prison in less than a year, and it should be interesting to see how he handles the new me.

Some Common Traits of People with APD - *to help you know what to look for*

These vary from person to person and a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder may not exhibit all of them. On top of that, even doctors don't always agree on how mental illnesses manifest.

(Not listed in any particular order.)

  • Charming
  • Ambitious
  • Likeable and makes friends easily
  • Extremely persuasive and can inspire intense love from others
  • Impulsive and unable to resist temptations
  • Emotionless or lacking genuine emotions (but can often fake them)
  • Ability with words to fast talk a way out of trouble
  • Use lies and manipulation to get what they want
  • Completely egocentric
  • Sexually promiscuous
  • Irresponsible and inability to keep a steady job
  • Self-destructive and prone to alcoholism and drug use
  • Lack of empathy towards others
  • Doesn't respond to punishment, apprehension, stress or disapproval.
  • Legal and criminal problems
  • I was a good target for someone with antisocial personality disorder. I had the caring personality and low self-esteem combination that many seem to like. It's important to understand, most people with antisocial personality disorder are not what you'd expect. I'm not a doctor but after reading quite a bit of material on the subject, I'm 99% certain my ex-husband fits the description.

General Information on ADP - remember, everyone has a slightly different opinion

Though the terms psychopath and sociopath are different, they both fall into the grouping of personality disorders classified under Anti-Social Behavior.

Keep Moving Forward! - because who really wants to go back?

Update a year later
Update a year later

2012: it's been over a year since I wrote this lens and for me and my son things are looking up! We are happy, healthy and are moving forward right on schedule. Luckily for us, the court system saw through my ex-husband's deceit and right to his sordid and extremely long criminal background that he and his family lied about and he is no longer legally a parent to my son. My eyes are forever opened, more so now than even a year ago when the custody issues began. After finally reading the actual criminal files, I am 100% convinced that he was guilty. I doubt it will be long before his criminally deviant behavior surfaces again. I remain vigilant so that my family is safe and yet I haven't succumbed to letting it control my life to the point of not living. I finally feel at peace.

2016: My son is almost an adult now. We've had no trouble nor heard from my ex, but he is remarried. I hope the same thing doesn't happen to her. I am grateful we are in a safe place where my son has flourished, goes out by himself and people who are around us keep an eye on everything. Never be afraid to share your story in an anonymous way. My greatest reward is helping others prevent this happening to them. Hopefully 2017 and the future will continue to show us kindness and grace. ~Ren

Thank you to everyone for the supportive comments and emails. To everyone in this or a similar situation, my best advice remains to listen to your intuition. NEVER ignore that little voice that speaks those truths to you, whether you want to hear them or not. Mine has never been wrong; my only mistakes have been when I failed to listen! Best to you all!

Helpful Resources! - please check out these websites, for your own safety

If you suspect you're dealing with someone with antisocial personality disorder, take a look at these sites for helpful information or talk to someone (other than who you suspect, of course) about your concerns. Your may be thankful later that you did.

Men Are Not the ONLY Ones with ADP

Yes, women can have antisocial personality disorder, too. Men are far more likely to have ADP than women, but men should be cautious, as well.

Experience with Anyone Having Antisocial Personality Disorder

A sense of humor has kept me from going completely off the deep end. You know what they say, you don't make it out of this life alive. That being said, it's now 2015 and we have managed to escape any further harm, but it has cost us a great deal. To learn about our latest trials click below:

How many people with ADP have you known well (friend or closer), in your lifetime?

See results

Have you been married to someone with APD? - or better yet, divorced one like I did?

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    • greenmind profile image

      GreenMind 4 years ago from USA

      Such a sharp, funny lens. Squidoo needs more writers like you!

    • rainykua profile image

      rainykua 4 years ago

      I'm glad that you're living a good life now. You're a strong woman and your story inspires women to believe in themselves. I've also learned that having low self-esteem attracts the wrong people to your life. As a person who used to have low self-esteem, I want to say thank you for sharing your story.

    • lesliesinclair profile image

      lesliesinclair 4 years ago

      Congratulations on recognizing the truth and doing the best you can for your son and yourself. I admire such courage and strength. You go girl!

    • profile image

      Stuwaha 4 years ago

      Never married one but know a few women who have. So glad for you and your son that he's not a part of your lives anymore.

    • profile image

      cmeverything 4 years ago

      Woah..... I'm sorry this happened to you :(

    • Gayle Dowell profile image

      Gayle Dowell 4 years ago from Kansas

      Thanks for sharing your story. I hope that it helps many women in the future.

    • Diana Wenzel profile image

      Renaissance Woman 4 years ago from Colorado

      Nobody ever thinks this is going to happen to them. I suspect it happens a great deal more than we know. I would be dreading that release from prison. Be safe and continue to live large in your new life.

    • mel-kav profile image

      mel-kav 4 years ago

      Never married to one - but I have known a few in my lifetime. Well written lens. You are a strong woman for walking away and making a better life for yourself and your son.

    • profile image

      TanoCalvenoa 4 years ago

      Not married to, although I've known of some in the family. True, awful, lying, manipulative, criminal, horrible psychopaths.

    • Lynda Makara profile image

      Lynda Makara 5 years ago from California

      Thank you for sharing your story. Angel blessings.

    • profile image

      Echo Phoenix 5 years ago

      mine tampered with my car or rather, had it worked on so it would catch fire while I was driving it after we first talked about separation and divorce... and really, that was just the beginning:( unfortunately, he had a good amount of wealth to afford the luxury of many "dirty deeds done dirt cheap" in order to cause me harm and punish me for not loving him, etc. Even now I still have a paranoid streak about any thing negative that happens to me. The part I hate the most is that it has changed me in a way I feel is negative. I never wanted to become so well acquainted with the dark underbelly of humanity the way I have. You cannot return to innocence once you have been a witness to darkness. That's why my sense of humor, as dark and twisted as it can be, is a comfort:)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I think the key to young women seeking marriage and family is to never put a time limit on the search. You have your entire life to meet and fall in love with a man. If you are too old for children when that time comes, get dogs. My biggest mistake as a woman was being in a rush. The women who have been through these horrific experiences need to plaster them all over the internet in support of the younger generation, so maybe we can shine a light on the darkness that lurks.

    • checkyourvibe profile image

      Cathy Slaght 6 years ago from St. Petersburg, Fl

      Swept off my feet, married after 2 months of dating, divorced after 3 months! That was almost 20 years ago and I still give thanks every day for being able to escape with my life-

    • JJNW profile image

      JJNW 6 years ago from USA

      It seems possible. Wow.

      * Blessed by a SquidAngel * for spreading awareness on this waaaaay-too-common problem.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Married and gave birth to more! Didn't stand a chance in hell as I now realize that I was raised with and by them. Mri's show if one has no conscience. What a great dating tool!

    • hippiechicjewelz profile image

      hippiechicjewelz 6 years ago

      Yes, I sure did! Every single trait of a psychopath were there and it scares me that for years I believed all the lies! What's worse, his parents fit the bill perfectly! I wonder if it is genetics, its really very scary.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      No, I have not. I've met one or two though...

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I think I may have dated one in the 6th grade, that's weird looking back on it.

    • LadyFlashman profile image

      LadyFlashman 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      I have an ex boyfriend who treated me very badly indeed, he was physically and mentally abusive. I don't think I will ever get close to a man again. This is a great lens, I am so pleased you have divorced him and I wish you all the best for the future!

    • RosemaryB profile image

      RosemaryB 6 years ago

      Oh My god. Im pleased I read this properly. I thought the title led into a spook Lens. Not so and far from it. I hope you are reaching the right people in time because this is scary.

    • Scarlettohairy profile image

      Peggy Hazelwood 6 years ago from Desert Southwest, U.S.A.

      We didn't marry, thank goodness. I am so much better off without the loser (as are you). Great tale of woe told with humor and compassion. Thanks for the good read.

    • Mickie Gee profile image

      Mickie Goad 6 years ago

      No, thank God. I had to rescue my daughter from a dangerous relationship a few years ago. Thank goodness she allowed me to do that. I am grateful for the family members who came with me to carry her to safety. I could not have done it without them and I hate to think what might have happened if we had not removed her from the grasp of a dangerous relationship.

    • TTMall profile image

      TTMall 6 years ago

      Very informative lens. Well done!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Wonderful of you to share such a personal story, I know it will help a lot of others out there living with someone like this.

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @TimothyArends: I have not included any clinical definition of the term psychopath for a myriad of reasons. I am not a doctor or even a research scientist, in this case I am merely a participant in a bad marriage and am sharing my story from that perspective. Psychopaths and sociopaths are really just general terms for someone with antisocial personality disorder as far as I know, and sociopaths usually have a greater stigma in the public eye and they are easier terms to use than saying I Married Someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder as I mention, because who really cares about that? Besides, doctors continually debate terms and traits to include in criteria for defining antisocial personality disorder. But I told my story, the circumstances of my marriage and my divorce plus gave a list of traits, which should explain why I think my ex is a psychopath. Sorry if I confused you on that. I will likely update some of this once the DSM-5 comes out in 2013 though, so thanks for the suggestion. :)

    • TimothyArends profile image

      Timothy Arends 6 years ago from Chicago area

      Very interesting lens! The fact that it was written so honestly from personal experience made it all the more so! One thing that might be interesting is explaining the difference between psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder and the other related terms, and why you think your ex definitely fell into the first category.

    • chrisssy profile image

      chrisssy 6 years ago

      I was. Finally got out then fell into another man's trap. You can read one of my stories it's called My Fairy Tale

    • oxfordian profile image

      oxfordian 6 years ago

      I was married to a pathological liar and, like you, went into it blind, unable to comprehend how anyone could possibly be so decietful. It was a very rude awakening. I never felt confident in my own judgement to marry again. I dated some nice men and had relationships that extended several years, but every time the subject of marriage came up, I couldn't do it. I had kids too and I didn't want to give them step-parent issues -- I had (have) so little faith in my own ability to see past impressions and appearances. It's not like it is in the movies!!

    • dahlia369 profile image

      dahlia369 6 years ago

      Congratulations for turning everything around the way you did. This kind of experiences sometimes take years to heal from...

    • nickirc lm profile image

      nickirc lm 6 years ago

      Possibly....this all rings a bell ouch

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 6 years ago from Central Florida

      Best of luck to you steering clear of any future entanglements with this fellow or any similar ones. I'm glad you've found your feet.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Not only did I marry a psycho, all 3 of my brothers are. I've been divorced, so that's really cool. No more guilt trip. The brothers I have cut off completely. I don't talk to them. Never. I feel a peace I've never had before. Probably I grew up in a divorced family and dad was the forever ladies man, an extreme liar to the 10th degree and so was mom. They all said I was the crazy one and the guilt trip was horrid. Now that I'm free, I don't stuff myself with food, lost weight, exercise, eat normal food portions and I feel and look like I'm 30 years younger. I now listen 100% to the voice in my head and will never look back. I'm a stronger person mentally and will never be fooled again. What a fantastic eye opener!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Shocking and revealing facts, by some magic we think that we will never encounter psycopaths; but I am glad you recovered strong. May you become stronger and happier.

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 6 years ago

      Wouldn't call him a psychopath - but I was in an unhappy marriage. I cannot say it was a mistake because of the kids, but man did I suffer. Honestly, I couldn't disagree more with Dr. Laura Schlessinger on so much stuff - but I think her 10 Stupid things Women do to Mess up their Lives should be required reading prior to marriage. I think we should be cautious in putting a label on another person, and be sure to look at our own behavior, but honestly we spend way too little time thinking about what our life is going to be like with a person before we marry them. Angel Blessed for your heartfelt sharing!

    • Elyn MacInnis profile image

      Elyn MacInnis 6 years ago from Shanghai, China

      No. But I helped a friend who was. It's so complicated. Congratulations to you for being a real phoenix - rising from the difficulties, sharing them with others, and helping the world. This is very admirable, thank you for your honesty and clarity.

    • Joan Haines profile image

      Joan Haines 6 years ago

      No. But I'm sure my ex has a significant personality disorder. Thanks for sharing this. I'm sure it is encouraging and helpful to others in a similar boat. Stay safe.

    • SecondHandJoe LM profile image

      SecondHandJoe LM 6 years ago

      I've never been married, but I have acquainted a few woman over the years that were well traveled down the psycho-path. Real nice job on this lens! Congrats on the Purple Star!

    • profile image

      Ruthi 6 years ago

      If the abusers in my past having psychopathic tendencies qualifies, then yes, I have been married to a couple, and divorced. No more room for such losers in my heart or life.

      It's a blessing for you and your son to have escaped the clutches of your tormentor. I add my blessings and a bit o' sunshine too.

    • gypsyman27 lm profile image

      gypsyman27 lm 6 years ago

      Yes see my response above, I think two of my former wives were psychotic. I think I make attract that type of person. I certainly don't mean to attract them, but maybe I do, it's possible. See you around the galaxy...

    • LaraineRoses profile image

      Laraine Sims 6 years ago from Lake Country, B.C.

      No, nothing could be further from the truth. I am married to an earth angel.

      Angel blessings for this lens.

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 6 years ago

      this lens deserves the purple star and *blessings* from me. just got my wings recently.

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 6 years ago

      i am happy to be married to a loving husband. i will feature a lens about his gifts.

    • profile image

      megabu717 6 years ago

      I'm glad you and you son are happy now. :) All the best.

    • MamaKris profile image

      Kristin 6 years ago from Long Beach, CA

      I am legally separated from a psychopath. I've been trying to divorce him for three years this spring. He took his lies and told them to court and had my son taken from me. =( But he can't hold a job for any length of time, so he can't afford a lawyer to fight me anymore. So he graciously gave me 50/50 physical custody. (note the sarcasm in my voice). Can't wait to be rid of him for good. I'm with a wonderful man now who is anything but a psychopath. Great lens! Angel Blessed!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I am 63 years old and though out my life I have seen this so often. And even today some of my younger female relatives have been getting themselves in these type of relationships. And they just don't want to listen, you know "Oh uncle Art he is the kindest and sweetest guy you would ever want to meet he would never do anything to hurt me". I have seen young girls beaten and even killed by those sweet and kind boys.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      My dear, you should be so very proud of your evolution! I am so pleased to read that everything in your life is better, and good-riddance (plus a few nasty other sayings) to that life & man; you sound a lot like me with your devotion to your son; absolutely wonderful that man has no more legal rights concerning him!!! You came thru it, doesn't it feel great to be on the other side? Congratulations!

    • Scotties-Rock profile image

      Clairissa 6 years ago from OREFIELD, PA

      Wonderful Story and How Strong you are!!! My mother was married to one, so I learned first hand the signs to watch and avoid. Luckily I am a quick learner and married a wonderful man.

      Unfortunately my mother is a magnet for this type. I will have to send this to her. :) Thanks for Sharing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Your eyes are forever opened and you are opening the eyes of others by sharing your story. I was a target and learned that you just can't make it work with a psychopath, its all about them and you get lost along the way, its good to find yourself again. Excellent and blessed by a smiling for you angel.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Actually mine was diagnosed as Egocentric - Personality Disorder, and yep, we are divorced. There are many people out there who have huge social coping problems. They can be very dangerous to become entangled with.

    • Kailua-KonaGirl profile image

      June Parker 6 years ago from New York

      I am so glad that you came out of this relationship O.K. It is so difficult when these psychopaths are so charismatic that no one can realize pr believe what they are actually up to but you, and you doubt yourself over it too. *Squid Angel Blessed* and added to My Squid Angel Blessings 2012 in the "Relationships & Family » Relationship Abuse" neighborhood.

    • indigoj profile image

      Indigo Janson 6 years ago from UK

      No, but you have done a valuable job in warning the unwary (which is probably just about all of us). What an ordeal you've been to, and it seems you've come out the other side stronger for it. Clearly you had to find a lot of courage to help you through. Blessed.

    • kathysart profile image

      kathysart 6 years ago

      OMG.. wow oh wow what a story.. thanks for posting it to warn others to wake up before it is too late. Angel blessed.

    • Countryluthier profile image

      E L Seaton 6 years ago from Virginia

      Laughter is the medicine of life. A good strong dose daily from the belly, is enough to get us over some of the humps the thing called life puts in our path. Great to know you're intact despite the prior obstacles. Thanks for sharing.

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 6 years ago

      Glad you can look back at it with a sense of humor. This was a jaw dropping lens! Happy to hear you've moved on.

    • ClassyGals profile image

      Cynthia Davis 6 years ago from Pittsburgh

      Very interesting story! Yes I was involved with a psychopath. I guess his capability to be such a convincing liar is what helped me fall for him. I actually have a lot in common with you. Well, almost everything, I'm good hearted, but never felt that I had low self-esteem. Just trusted the wrong guy. Time does heel all wounds. Angel Blessings**

    • tvyps profile image

      Teri Villars 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Funny stuff...I didn't marry any Psychopaths but I did marry a female Sociopath. There was no middle ground and I felt like I was going crazy...She thought I was a Narcissist so we both went out separate ways and ended up diagnosing each other. Squid Angel blessed!

    • fugeecat lm profile image

      fugeecat lm 6 years ago

      I dated one thank goodness I didn't marry him. Boy did he take me to school.

    • writerkath profile image

      writerkath 6 years ago

      Hi Ren... You are certainly NOT alone in all this. I'm on my 3rd (and final and most WONDERFUL marriage!). My first ex and I are friends - he's awesome, and we'll always be friends.

      My 2nd ex on the other hand... Yikes. Although he's not had criminal issues to my knowledge, the fact that he could be so "one way" in public in front of others and "another way" toward me had me thinking that I was nuts. No need to go into it here - just know you are not alone!

      I'm forever grateful that I finally had the strength to leave an emotionally awful marriage and recover. We never had kids together, so at least that issue doesn't come up. But I still see him once in a while in passing, but not too often. I find I have forgiven him for his treatment of me, and more importantly, I have forgiven myself for getting caught up with him in the first place.

      Squidly hugs and a huge *Blessing* to you... Stay strong and beautiful my friend! :) Kath

    • norma-holt profile image

      norma-holt 6 years ago

      Yes, my ex is one. He wasn't exactly a criminal in the eyes of the law but to me he was. Thank you for writing this lens as it is something many women will find helpful. I am featureing it on Eyes Wide Shut and beause it is *blessed* it is also on Blessings by Skiesgreen 2012. Hugs

    • Faye Rutledge profile image

      Faye Rutledge 6 years ago from Concord VA

      Kudos for you for writing this lens! I was married to an abusive man for many years and was always made to feel it was my fault. Finally, I got out, got help, and realized it wasn't me that was the problem. Thanks for writing this.

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @CKirkness: Yes, I learned that lesson and don't need to be taught twice! lol As soon as it speaks I shut up and pay attention! Thank you for the nice comment! :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @yayas: Yes, we can't let the past keep us from moving forward. Thank you for the good wishes! And always glad to support another poet! :) Happy New Year to you!

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @sousababy: Sadly Rose, I think you're right...I haven't seen any information showing much hope either nor have I had any indication from psychiatrists of any (though the ones I deal with don't specialize in psychopathy directly). Thank you so much for the wishes ~ right back at you and your family! ~Ren

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @yourselfempowered: Wow, I'm so glad that you you were able to escape a similar situation (even if you just realized it). It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone and I hope that others reading it can do the same or get out of current situations that fit the description. It's a frightening thing to endure. Thank you so much for blessing this lens. I probably should have submitted it as my entry for the 2011 best, but it's still so raw for me and tough to be proud of something like this. I am just glad if it helps one person. :) Happy New Year!

    • CKirkness profile image

      CKirkness 6 years ago

      Oh yes...that little voice that so many of us ignore! I know I've come to regret ignoring that little voice as well. Thank you for the great lens.

    • yayas profile image

      yayas 6 years ago

      I am so glad to know that you did, indeed, take control of your own an' your son's lives. It hurts me so much when I know someone is in such a situation an' refuses to see the danger. Congratulations on moving forward. May all good things come your way.

      A couple 'uh weeks ago, you left a message on my Puzzled Cruciverbalist Poet page an' said you did not un'erstan' where the poet came in. I wanna' thank you for that, as I have now been able to correct that oversight. It took me awhile to figure out how to work it out. I hope my update will be to your liking. Thank you, again, for bringing it to my attention an' for your support.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Dear Ren, Oh and thanks for the sidebar feature of my lens, I really appreciate it. Googling +1ing your lens (and will add it to the right sidebar of my lens too). Hope it helps!



    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Well done and congrats on your purple star! Sorry to be so behind in visiting . . lots of work this time of year for me. Unfortunately, yes I have encountered psychopaths and plenty of sociopaths - men and women. Good to be reminded of the signs and to feel empowered to break any (and all) ties to these types. They really cannot be rehabilitated or acquire empathy for others (unfortunately) . . I feel that attempts to sensitize these types cannot be successful done currently. (If it is, I have yet to read the proof or studies of it). Still, we can't help but hope . . . when we have these types within a family, work or social circle, it can be extremely difficult to be free of their abusive tactics.

      Keep on staying free and protecting yourself. You and your family deserve to live in peace and be happy..

      Wishing you and yours a safe, healthy and love-filled new year ahead,


    • yourselfempowered profile image

      Odille Rault 6 years ago from Gloucester

      What an excellent lens! I narrowly escaped this situation - although I didn't realise the extent of it until just now, reading this. Heartily blessed! :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @julieannbrady: LOL! Good point! I had to go back and edit that section to re-emphasize that point (ironically, I had just edited it when I updated the other day) because women certainly need to know they have the power to take control of their own lives! Thanks for reminding me to show that to the world! :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 6 years ago

      @youthministry: Thanks for commenting. I hope it helps one person!

    • profile image

      julieannbrady 6 years ago

      Oh my ... you have presented food for thought and may I say, "Anyone Can Divorce a Psychopath!" I know ... I did.

    • youthministry profile image

      Paul Turner 6 years ago from Birmingham, Al.

      Wow, powerful story. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      jgelien 7 years ago

      Very sobering story. Thank God you got out of the relationship and got yourself the help you needed. Sadly, you are definitely not alone.

    • poptastic profile image

      Cynthia Arre 7 years ago from Quezon City

      I think I do know a few psycopaths.. sorry you had to marry one. Your story hooked me from the very first sentence and I do hope things work out for the best. ~Blessed~

    • awakeningwellness profile image

      awakeningwellness 7 years ago

      I am sorry that you had such an awful experience, I had a friend that married a psycho but his psychosis presented itself big time right after the marriage and she was able to escape from him after just a few months.

    • profile image

      hexagon 7 years ago

      Thanks for sharing. Thank you for creating this lens. Can help others spot psychopaths.

    • Aquavel profile image

      Aquavel 7 years ago

      I went out with a psychopath when I was 25. He stalked me for years afterward &

      I know the damage it can do! And I didn't marry him or have children. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that. Congrats for having the strength & courage to turn your life around. We are all richer to have you as part of the family. Such an extraordinary lens (and life) - beautifully expressed and shared!

    • kimark421 profile image

      kimark421 7 years ago

      Well, I don't believe I have any of the "bad" psychopath characteristics (sigh of relief), so I am good there. I think I might know a couple, but they don't live with me, so I think I am good there too. Here's wishing you a continued peaceful sounds like you deserve it.

    • aka-rms profile image

      Robin S 7 years ago from USA

      Thanks for sharing! I think I do know a couple. :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Yume Tenshi: You are EVIL! You made me get up to go look at our recordings of Courage to get the name...luckily it was just on so it was easy to find on the dvr ~ his name is Fred and the episode is called Freaky Fred. You'll have to check it out!

    • Yume Tenshi profile image

      Yume Tenshi 7 years ago

      @girlfriendfactory: Courage is Awesome! >.< I just can't recall Muriel's evil cousin. Blah. I'm sweet. Really. I am. Lol! :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Yume Tenshi: Do you ever watch Courage the Cowardly Dog? One of the episodes is about Muriel's cousin who is very "Naaauuuty" and you sorta look like the character! lol So basically we've determined that you're either a cartoon character of some sort, or an evil overlord, orrrrrrrrr, perhaps you're just a psychopath pretending to be these things! hmmmm

    • Yume Tenshi profile image

      Yume Tenshi 7 years ago

      @girlfriendfactory: Nah, I don't think that you need to post a warning. It may sound a little "evil" but that way it gets more people to read something that is very important and very encouraging, isn't it? Surely that makes up for "tricking" them (if you can even call it tricking) :) Hehe...

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Yume Tenshi: Ah yes, I am sorry about tricking you...I don't think you're the first one. Maybe I should throw a warning up at the top about it not being a humorous lens, for those who read my other ones that are funny, or attempt to be funny. ;) Thanks for the visit and encouraging words!

    • Yume Tenshi profile image

      Yume Tenshi 7 years ago

      No! Here I thought that this was going to be another parody, like the "How to be annoying Guide", but once I started reading, and getting the drift of the lens- I was already hooked and couldn't stop. I really tend to avoid very serious reading like this (I get upset way too easily...) BUT your whole lens was written so well, it had me hooked. Hnn, You are a very Brave Soul. I am happy to read that you are now taking control of your life. :) Thank you for sharing this with us. Deserve Victory!

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @anonymous: I certainly believe you, as I know of at least one female who may be a psychopath. A far higher number of men are reported as psychopaths, though we all know many fallacies exist when it comes to gathering and analysis data. Sorry about your mom, that couldn't have made for a fun childhood.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Your words; "psychopaths are good liars and manipulators. The lies continued to pile up and I bought the entire lot ~ for YEARS! His lies were all-encompassing: family, friends, business associates, neighbors...everyone was fooled" and "Yes, women can be psychopaths, too." are all right on the money.

      I have first-hand experience with a psychopathic mother. Don't think for a second that only men can be psychopaths, I can attest of one woman who is a perfect example of a psychopath!

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Gloriousconfusion: Thanks so much for sharing with me and for the luck. I think we often make our own luck, so it should work out great. I do love the fact that humans have a huge capacity to learn and we can keep it up until the end. It makes life fun and interesting. I hope your journey continues to be successful! :D

    • Gloriousconfusion profile image

      Diana Grant 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      I was expecting another humorous lens like your lotd, so surprised and sad to hear of the problems you and your family have had to face.

      Glad to see you are changing your life, studying for a degree and developing a stronger self after therapy. I also had a hard time when I was 27, and had to pick myself up - it took a long time, but once I started studying something I loved, it took my mind off some of the difficulties, and even though I was caring for two young children alone, working part-time, and studying, I have never looked back. I hope this will work for you as well and I wish you good luck on your journey.

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @pylemountain1: The psychopath will never admit to psychopathy because they don't see it, won't see it or if they do see it, they're compulsive liars for the most part and it's not in their best interest to be truthful. Tough to get what you want from someone you're using if you let them in on it. Plus psychopathy and psychosis are two different things and don't forget about neurosis ~ many people use the terms interchangeably (as I have many times) but don't really know anything about the clinical criterion for them. If you suspect one or both of your friends, best to tread cautiously with them until you have observed enough of their behavior to decide if you will tolerate it or if you'll end the friendship. You can also consult a psychologist or psychiatrist for professional advice. Whatever the issues, as long as you and your family are safe and not being taken advantage of, you may just be observing the bitterness of divorce. It took me about seven years to actually realize what had happened with my ex as I was never bitter, and it was quite by accident. I think it was the distance that allowed me to reflect and see it more for what it really was versus for what I wanted it to be.

      Of course, I have to wonder...if your wife is so wonderful, are you sure YOU aren't the psychopath??? lol

    • pylemountain1 profile image

      pylemountain1 7 years ago

      Another great lens! But here's what I can't seem to figure out. Why is it that the "psychopath" depends on whom you're talking to. For example, a good friend of mine married a psychopath woman. But, according to her, he turned out to be the psychopath. I'm wondering if both of them are psychopaths? I'm so confused! Suppose the good news is that I've never been married to a psychopath - my wife is AWESOME!

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Lee Hansen: Thank you for the sweet words and I'm so glad you've been spared anything horrible. :)

    • Lee Hansen profile image

      Lee Hansen 7 years ago from Vermont

      You're courageous and smart and so trusting to share this story with the world. Stay strong for your son and yourself. I've had some strange encounters in my life but none so insidious or dangerous to me or my kids. God bless ...

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @Cherry-Ambition: Thank you so much for the nice comment and support. I worry for my son, but we are very close and he knows he doesn't see his grandparents because they say mean and untruthful things about me. I am so lucky to have this child in my life and will do absolutely ANYTHING to protect him. I'm well aware that a piece of paper doesn't protect people, so I take many precautions. I simply wish people like this weren't around. It's scary for our entire society.

    • Cherry-Ambition profile image

      Cherry-Ambition 7 years ago from U.S.

      Well done. Not just the lens, but you as well. I hope you can keep him and his parents away from your son completely. Mostly worried for him...

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @GrowWear: Thanks so much for the kind words, Mimi! I can guaranty the only reason he'll be seeing the new me is because at the time of our divorce he was give regular visitation rights and I must return to court in a backwards state to change them so he cannot ever be alone with my son. He parents already sued me trying to get visitation and were denied by a judge, yet have continued to try (especially his mother) to get into his school and such. Luckily the schools are always forewarned so she's never been successful and I've threatened further legal action against them. I've also spent an incredible amount of time helping my son build his self-esteem and using positive reinforcement to foster his mental health, but I do realize his father will try to undo those efforts so I am working on a plan. I actually talk a bit about it in my lens on Building Strong Parent-Child Relationships. It's so sad and more for my son than for myself because as an adult I can handle it better than he can, but essentially it's sad for all of us. Thank you, again, for stopping by. :)

    • profile image

      GrowWear 7 years ago

      Whew! Lots of psychopaths out there, and this one in particular would never get the chance to see "the new me." Can just imagine the damage this man would do to your son's mental health if allowed to be a part of his life. ...Health and happiness to you and your son.

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @factosaurusrex: Amanda ~ thanks for the sweet compliments. I wish no one ever had to deal with people like this as it can be harmful and dangerous in so many ways. You've been very lucky and good for you that you pay attention to those red flags. I certainly wish I had! :)

    • girlfriendfactory profile image

      girlfriendfactory 7 years ago

      @WhiteOak50: Thank you, Eva! It means a lot that you would go out of your way to share something very personal with me and for such lovely compliments. I've always been this way ~ I figure if I have to suffer through something, it's not nearly as difficult if I share and it can help someone else not have to go through it too. I don't believe we must learn everything the "hard" way, it is possible to learn through the experiences of others. I hope your pain over your ordeal has eased some and maybe some day you will feel like sharing it again. If not, at least you benefited by getting it out of you. Writing is so cathartic for many of us! I really appreciate your visit! :)


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