ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

She asked: “Why Are There So Few Good Men?”

Updated on January 8, 2012

Living by his own rules...

Bad Boys Vs Nice Guys....

Every now and then I come across a television show in which a woman proclaims all of the “good men” are taken or all men are jerks!

In truth there are probably just as many good men as there are good women.

Timing is everything!

A woman in her mid-twenties may be starting to think about marriage and family while her male counterpart is more interested in playing video games, getting high, drinking and watching sports with his buddies.

This same man most likely will have different priorities when he hits his mid-thirties.

In essence, a 25-year-old woman who is ready to get married and raise a family is better off dating a man who is closer to 35. Women mature faster than men. A woman in her 20s who insists on marrying a man her own age is often times destined for disappointment. Life is too short to be wasting time trying to change water into wine!

Trying to change your mate leads to frustration on your part and resentment on their part. Another reason there appears to be less "good men" is because "bad boys" are in demand.

A “Bad Boy” makes a girl’s heart beat faster!

There are a lot of women who simply are more attracted to the “Bad Boy” especially during their youth. Quite a few women will list all the wonderful traits they want in a man and yet they find themselves going after the complete opposite over and over again.

We all select our own friends, lovers, mates, and spouses.

There’s no escaping this fact.

Selecting the wrong mate is the number one cause of divorce.

Hopefully once a woman truly knows herself and what it is she wants, wisdom will kick in to help her become better at selecting men to become a part of her life.

The “bad boy” is a challenge and he’s exciting. His unreliability is seen as being “unpredictable”. Knowing other women are pursuing him raises his stock. There is nothing like a little competition to make someone go all out to win. Chemistry is stronger than logic!

There’s a sense of (emotional life and death drama) always lurking beneath the surface.

It’s almost a cliché to hear a woman tell her friend, “I know he’s probably up to no good but there is something about that man I just can’t get enough of!” “ha ha ha”

One thing is for certain: “Life with a bad boy is never boring!”

Good Guys

Some women view the “good guy” as being too nice, weak, someone she could run over, too predictable, safe, and boring. He is the perfect platonic friend.

For many of these women it’s only after taking several trips on the roller coaster with the “bad boy” that she decides to “settle” down with a “good guy”.

It’s a practical decision and oftentimes has very little to do with “chemistry”.She treats the “good guy” differently than she did the “bad boy”.

The first night or soon after she met the “bad boy” she had sex with him. She rode him like a horse in the Kentucky derby, they did everything sexually oral, anal, spanking & screaming, took showers together, she sucked his toes, she gave him sensual massages, cooked breakfast and served it to him in bed, gave him her debit card & secret code, “loaned him money” as well as let him borrow her car….etc

In return all he did was sling some d**k.

After she gets dumped or comes to realize she’ll never win over his heart she sets her sights on finding a “good guy”.

When this same woman meets a man who she sees as “good guy” potential you might think she would shower “Mr. Right” with all the love and affection she gave to the “bad boy”. WRONG!!! Now she breaks out Steve Harvey’s 90 day rule!

She’s not going to have sex with “Mr. Right” until he commits to her emotionally, shows her he worships her, adores her and would damn well die for her.

When they finally do have sex, “Mr. Right” will never experience the same “freak between the sheets” sex action , which was given to the “bad boy”. The risks for her are too high. He has her up on a pedestal and she wants to stay up there.

If she takes him to “the rodeo” she’s afraid he may take her off his “pedestal”.

In fact a lot of women seem to believe that having sex too quickly with a man will “turn him into an a-hole”. If that’s a woman’s experience she may want to have a doctor look her over.

An a-hole was an a-hole before she had sex with him just as sure as a real “good guy” on (day one) will still be a “good guy” in 90 days.

The lesson a lot of “good guys” get from watching this scenario over and over again is “bad boys” have all of the fun and “good guys” get the left-overs.

Hence the old saying, “Nice guys finish last”.

Women cope better with pain then men

If men bore children there would be a lot of one-child families!

Aside from watching the “bad boy” have all of the fun a lot of former “good guys” who’ve gotten their hearts broken have never recovered. They never completely open up emotionally again. It takes more courage to fall in love a 2nd or 3rd time than it does the first time. Steven James Dickeson self published a book titled:

“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” – A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men

Good men are hiding in front of you

There are good men all around if you’re willing to open your eyes.

They’re not all over six feet tall, athletic build, with a head full of hair, possessing a dazzling smile, with dynamic personalities earning over $100k…etc.

There’s the grocery store manager, the UPS driver, the mailman, the shoe salesman, the bus driver, train engineer, teacher, minister, computer programmer, taxi driver, butcher, and countless other men you pass by daily without giving a second glance who may have all of the "important qualities" required to have a happy relationship.

A lot of “good guys” are inclined to be more introverted, humble, down to earth, and less ego driven. They don’t make the same splashy entrance as the “bad boy” but trust me they’re out there…. They’re everywhere.

This universe is based upon balance.

For every tune there is a lyric waiting to be written.

For every woman there is a good man waiting to be found.

Never give up!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Chicago

      Amen! :)

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      That is so often true! It is so important to see the person for who there rather than how you feel with them!

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Chicago

      mikeydcarroll67, Thanks for your comment.

      You make an excellent point. Oftentimes people never sit down to think about the traits they want or need in a mate before pursuing relationships.

      They allow "impulsive connections" or "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      You're far more likely to throw {anything} into your cart at the last minute.

      Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I think we need to realize that emotions don't make for good decision making. It's good to have feelings of attraction towards someone, but there is also an important element in sitting down and looking at the personality of the person. If someone is seen as unreliable, then why date them in the first place?

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Chicago

      Daddy Paul, You make a valid point. If someone is looking or hunting for someone they need to first figure out where that "type of person" is likely to be. In a world with over 7 billion people there is no shortage of good men or good women. Most people ignore or overlook good people every day!

    • Daddy Paul profile image

      Daddy Paul 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      She asked why there are so few good men? Easy answer she is the wrong place. They are not at the mall. They are not at the film festival.

      Look where men are trying to improve themselves. Look where real men go. Go fishing, hunting, football games. Get a part time job at Lowes.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Chicago

      viveresperando , Thanks for your comment!

      You are absolutely correct about much of life having to do with making choices. Hopefully one learns lessons from making bad choices so that they make better choices in the future!

    • viveresperando profile image


      9 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

      Ultimately, we make a choice on our mate. If we do not get it right the first time, then move on and if we want and we are ready have another go at it and make a wiser choice the next time. We can not control everything, but we do control a lot more than we like to think sometimes; like dating a bad boy.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      Nobleink, Thanks for your comment.

      Sometimes the obvious can seem so profound! ha ha ha

    • nobleink profile image


      10 years ago

      funny...number one cause for divorce is choosing the wrong mate. that's hilarious, but oh so true!

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      4tune, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and leave a comment. My hope is people realize THEY are the one's that select their significant other. Each of us has to learn from our experiences and become better about selecting people who are good for us. Thanks again!

    • 4tune profile image


      10 years ago from Michigan

      Hello dashing I think you are 100% on the money, And I hope a lot of young ladies read this.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      cathylynn99, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and leave a comment. You can't beat what you have! There are more "good guys" out there than a lot of women are willing to (believe). Glad to hear you got yourself one! I'm certain he's glad he found you too! Congratulations!

    • cathylynn99 profile image


      10 years ago from northeastern US

      i am younger, so physically stronger, and mentally brighter (by 20 IQ points)than my husband (he's not dumb). it's not a problem. he's a total sweetheart. i love him because he cares so much whether i'm happy. i was first attracted to him at a training for work because he is a good creative writer. then i found out we have a lot of common interests. then he declared he was madly in love. how can you beat that?

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      Ranzi, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. Glad to know I made you laugh too! :-)

      Take it from a former "bad boy" they often get the royal treatment. (until the woman realizes he's wasting her time) ha ha ha

    • Ranzi profile image

      Cut The Bullshit 

      10 years ago from All Over

      OMG this sentence is hilarious, it’s great! “She rode him like a horse in the Kentucky derby, they did everything sexually oral, anal, spanking & screaming, took showers together, she sucked his toes, she gave him sensual massages, cooked breakfast and served it to him in bed, gave him her debit card & secret code, “loaned him money” as well as let him borrow her car….etc” hahahaha cant stop laughing.

      I won’t comment further but awesome, awesome hub!

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      puru13, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post a comment. Actually I am working on a book right now but it's about the nature of relationships in general, the process of finding out who we are before setting out to select a mate...etc Thanks again for your comment.

    • puru13 profile image


      10 years ago from INDIA

      dashingscorpio,you are really true on how attraction works for women.what about writing a book on this? i feel you have great knowledge in this field.

      great article by the way

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      DaNoblest, Thanks for your comment.

      So many of the traits we value in someone at the beginning take on a darker or annoying tone after we spend a great deal of time with them. Each of has to go through a process of learning what it is we want in a mate and also be able to distinguish between appearances and reality.

    • DaNoblest profile image


      10 years ago from California

      Very well written. I agree with everything you said. I believe the "bad guys" actions are mistaken for the confidence and stability that women are really looking for. The bad guys are very self centered which can be mistaken as confidence. Being self centered, they do what they want when they want which may come off as someone who knows themselves and is therefore stable.

      They also can be used to pushing people around so this might be perceived as the bad guy being strong and therefore a good protector. The opposite happens as they eventually push around the woman just like everyone else.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Chicago

      Karonher with over 6 Billion people on the planet I'm sure there is someone for everyone! :-)

      Thanks for your comment.

    • Karonher profile image


      10 years ago from Liverpool

      Agree about looking for older men. Though at nearly 50 that's a bit of a problem ;)

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      This was a great well written article. Although I've always been attracted to "good guys", or let's say guys who were nice to me and interested equally in my mind as well asy body, the advice was very accurate. Girls you would do well to follow and guys you would do even better if you bought dashing's book.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from Chicago

      Liberate, You're still young and like a lot of young people you're very emotionally intense when it comes to dating, socializing and having sex. It's highly unlikely you will die a virgin!

      Once you graduate, go on to college, and build a career you'll look back and wonder how you ever felt this way about yourself.

      The purpose of this hub is not to turn "Nice Guys" into "Bad Boys" but to give them some insight as to the attraction women have towards them. "Bad Boys" don't throw themselves at a woman's feet to serve them at every beck and call. They maintain an air of confidence, mystery, and are seen as a worthwhile challenge. No one wants a puppy dog. Both men and women respect partners who have boundaries. Even in 2010 no woman wants to feel she is physically or mentally stronger than her man.

      This hub also is designed to have some women re-think their choices as well. Nice guys aren't as "flashy" or as "daring" as the "Bad Boys" but they make stable partners and possess all the traits that are important.

      Most women unfortunately figure this out after a series of heartaches.

      For now focus on your education, work out, and find a profession that pays well. Building confidence in one area of your life can lead to having confidence in other areas. You don't have to figure out everything right now!

      With over 6 Billion people on the planet I'm certain there will be a woman who will value you and appreciate what you have to offer. My hope is in time you will learn to (value yourself) enough to feel YOU DESERVE to be loved in return!

      (You can start by reading some self-help books)

      Best of luck!

    • Liberate profile image


      11 years ago from Jesus Loves You

      This Simply Just Made Me Said, Though Every Single Girl I've Talked Too, Has Said I'm Simply Too Nice To Date. Though I Simply Wouldn't Enjoy Hurting A Female. Though, Seeing How They're Treated, Just Sickens Me. I Don't Want To End Up Being Last, I Do Everything, I'm Smarter; Nicer; Better; I Have The Body; I have The Money. I Have The Skills Them Bad Guys Don't, My Brains Kinda Weird, I Don't Know How To Think, I'm Insane, Though I Won't Give My Virginity To A Girl Who's Already Had Sex, So I Believe Them Girls Would Miss Out, If They Enjoy Being Hurt, They're Just As Mental As Anyone Else.

      Though, I'm Sick Of Girls Ending Up With Everything, Girls Cope With More Pain? You Should See The Actions I'm Put Tough, Girls Cry Every Second At School, Over The Stupid Thing, Like Why That D**khead Dumped Her!

      I'm A Reject, Nothing, No One, I Don't Even Have A Good Reason To Be Alive! Though, That's Better Then What They Are, I Won't Fear Them, Since I'm Positive, I'll Be Able To Give A Girl Everything She Needs, Even With Sex, And No Girl Has Tried Me Out, I Might Take Them For A Spin, I'm Just An Insane Child, And I LOVE IT!

      Well, I Don't Want Her To Continue Treating me Like Nothing, The More I Think About It, The More Stupidity Comes To Mind. Though, If She Found Someone Better, Then By All Means, Live A Happy Life With Him.

      I'm Not Going To Be Found, I'll Die A Virgin...

      So What?!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)