ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Singles Life

The Only Dating and Pickup Guide You'll Ever Need

Updated on March 3, 2016

What You'll Learn

If you're single and you're even afraid of talking to women, then this hub is for you.

  • You're about to learn a few key principles that will not only help you talk to girls, but will also help you get a date without having the awkward first conversation.
  • You will also learn a method of gaining feedback about your first date without trying to look into the crystal ball that is a woman's mind.
  • Finally, you'll learn a simple conversation starter that will help you go exclusive once you have been on a few dates.

All of this and more, in this hub - completely free!

It took me years to learn these simple principles and I spent hundreds of dollars on a variety of dating and pickup products. So, all of that knowledge has been distilled by me, just for you, in this hub! Read on!

Where to start?

Let me go back to about 10 years ago. I was completely devoid of any girlfriends. Even though I had no problem talking to girls, I simply couldn't ask them out on a date. On the rare occasion that I did, it would somehow end badly.

So, I was determined (read desperate) to learn how to date well. How to talk to women? How to make sure that I actually got second dates? And How to take it to the next level?

This is easy for some people, but for most men asking a woman out is more terrifying than fighting a grizzly bear. And I was on that boat with a ton of other men who also couldn't get dates.

In my desperation, I went online. I started by reading a few articles and blogs on dating. I looked for advice online. But, then I quickly realized that none of the advice actually applied to me.

Primarily because it was "dating" advice - but I wasn't getting any dates so all of that information was completely useless to me. Also, I was pretty confident that once a girl goes out with me, she would like me.

Anyways, long story short, I spent the next couple of years looking for people who could help me, but I didn't find anyone. I started looking for shortcuts. And then I fell into the whole pickup scene. There were these guys, all promising amazing and awesome results. And they would put up videos showing how easily they could seduce girls.

Some guys would use prepared pickup lines, some would use neuro-linguistic programming, and some would even use magic tricks. It seemed like all of them were able to find dates. So, I bought products from all of these guys. I was a college student and I didn't have a lot of money. But, whatever I had, I used to buy their dumb(in hindsight) products.

I used their techniques. I did what they said would work. And a lot of it didn't. Then, finally, I had a breakthrough, and I started going out with this girl. She was way out of my league and I had used a few of the seduction techniques that somehow actually worked on her.

But, as the dates rolled on, I realized that she was already open to dating, I seemed "kool" with a "k", so she decided to roll with me. Only I wasn't the badass dude that she wanted to have fun with, I was the guy looking to fall hopelessly in love (Hollywood-style). So, obviously, the whole thing came crashing down and I was devastated.

Anyways, that was my first real relationship. It lasted for a total of 4 months, but those 4 months made me realize something - all this pickup artist stuff was completely useless. What's the use of attracting someone when they'd eventually realize you are not the guy they thought you were. I mean sure I could get a million tattoos and suddenly become interested in punk rock, but, eventually I am going to be myself, and that's when things will unravel.

So, if you want to know where to start? Start here. With me. I'll let you in on simple secrets and lessons that I extracted from all the dating programs, pickup programs and actual dates that I went out on.

All of the information is free, available for anyone to test, and it will always stay free because preying on people who're just looking for dating advice is simply not "kool".

Step 1: Talking to Women

I went through high school pushing my best friend to ask this girl out. He really liked her, and she really liked him, but he was hesitant and she wanted him to go first - sounds familiar? Well, if you're like my friend, this won't sound familiar to you.

He was so sure that the girl would never go out with him that he never was able to go up to her and just ask her out! Anyways, she finally let him know via facebook three years after high school. He had moved to another city in the meantime and he called me to tell me how dumb he was. I wanted to say, "Dude! I told You", but instead I said, "It happens".

I had the opposite problem, though. I could talk to girls - in fact, I could be there "super-friend". But, I could never ask anyone out during my school years or in fact for most of college life. I couldn't get second dates. And when I looked around, I could see a ton of great guys who simply shrunk at the thought of talking to women, let alone asking them out.

So here is the thing, women are just like you. Even though crazed chauvinists and feminists would like to tell you differently. Women are pretty much the same when it comes to life. They want the same things and they think the same way you think, except the part where you feel mortally terrified when you think about talking to someone belonging to the opposite sex.

Therefore, think about how you feel when some stranger sends you a marketing email promising you a ton of stuff that you didn't ask for. Would you buy anything from that person? No. What is more likely to happen is that you'll send that person's mail to the spam folder.

Similarly, when women are approached by strangers who use tacky pickup lines, they tend to send such men to their "spam" folder by shooting them down. How hard was that to understand?

The way to avoid this is by simply using your existing friend circle. Talk to women in your immediate circle - your friend's girlfriend or your family friend with whom you don't feel awkward.

If you're not great at picking up girls, you're made for the "friend zone". This means that you have what it takes to make a lot of female friends. So, make such female friends. Let them know you and understand you. And understand the women in your circle.

Talk about stuff that guys rarely like to talk about with them, ask them about their ambitions, head out as a group for some event, whatever it takes. Don't get over-friendly. This is the best and really the only non-manipulative way to do this kind of a thing.

Give this kind of a friendship time to nurture.Then, when the time comes, try to let your new circle know that you're looking to hook up and ask for their help. But, don't make female friends just so you can find a date, that would be terrible. Make friends to understand women better.

I have to tell you, this one revelation just blew my mind. You come pre-selected when one of your female friends says you're worth dating. Other women tend to listen. That's just the way it is.

You completely bypass that awkward part where you had to approach a stranger. Maybe you won't always get a date, but, at least, that's one more girl you know.

And that's the way to start talking to women and eventually be able to date them without dressing up like a peacock or doing magic tricks. Commonsensical really.

Here's a summary of this section:

  • Talk to women already in your immediate circle - friend's girlfriends, family friends, etc.
  • Make new female friends and don't ask them out. Just be friends and understand women.
  • Ask one of your female friends to set you up for a first date. Bypass the asking out part that makes you cringe.

Dating Couple Lying in Bed
Dating Couple Lying in Bed

Step 2: The Beginning - Asking out, First Date, Feedback

So, once you have bypassed all awkward parts of the conversation between you and this girl who's a friend's friend, you ask her out on a date. Asking out should never be awkward, and it shouldn't even sound like you're trying to woo her.

If you're gun-shy, meaning if you can't ask her out face-to-face, then text her or something. And DON'T use the words that Hollywood taught you, "Would you like to go out sometime?" That's the most useless and nonsensical set of words ever.

Go out where? What's 'sometime'? It's better to casually ask her to do something that is easy to do - if you live near a nice place, you can simply ask her if she'd like to go with you to that place.

It's better to casually ask her to do something that is easy to do and that is in a public setting, during day time. It's funny that a lot of people associate dates with evenings, but a day date is almost not a date.

Make it an even more of a non-datey date by not taking her to that expensive restaurant. If you've spent more than $5-10 on a first date ever, you overspent. I am not kidding. But, don't note that down as a rule either. It's not an absolute limit.

So, by making it a day date that is about as "non-datey" as possible, let her know you. And know her. Don't make a list of questions to ask, and don't make it all about her. I went out with a girl on a first date to a small mall, and I actually needed to buy stuff, so I did.

Like normal people do. In the process, she got to scroll through a bunch of books, gift paper and stuff. Which led me to ask what was she looking for - "I'm looking for hand-made paper I can use to make something for my mum's birthday."

So, then we spent time looking for handmade paper. I helped her out and we talked some more in the process.Once all that dumb shopping was done, we were already relaxed, so when we sat down to get some coffee, we were already in the zone, if you know what I mean.

And that's how a casual date should be.

The next point is that, IF a girl says no to going out with you, don't fret about it. Just blow it off and move on to another topic. There is no "technique" to do this, you know how to talk about anything else don't you? Act like it never happened because it didn't.

Coming back to the first date. Make sure that you neither text her like crazy after the date nor do you ask her for "how did I do" advice. That kind of thing is weird, so don't do it.

If you want to go one extra step, let your friend find out how the date went on this girl's end. If it went great according to her, again, don't act like a texting machine. Ask her out whenever you have some other things to do as well.

So, that's the whole beginning part of a date section. Here are the key points:

  • Ask her out in a non-Hollywood manner.
  • Make your first date a casual day-date.
  • Make sure it's someplace convenient to both of you.
  • Let your friend find out how the date went.
  • The second date should also be casual.

A couple hanging out on the beach
A couple hanging out on the beach

Step 3: When and how to go exclusive

Once you've been on enough dates, and you know that both of you like each other, just talk about where you two stand in this relationship. I would give it like 5 or 6 dates, but I wouldn't wait forever to go exclusive.

Ask. Talk. Discuss.

By this point, you two would be able to talk things out. Check with each other where you guys stand. If you've gotten this far, obviously you guys like each other. So maybe start there. "You know I like you and I feel that you feel the same way." "Yeah I like you too!" "So, would you like to.."

Don't use the word exclusive because she may be dating you and you alone. But establishing that you guys like each other is a nice starter to start this kind of a conversation with.

And that's how you go exclusive. Now, that you're in a steady relationship, my work is done here isn't it? I'll be back with tips on how not to sabotage your relationship. I have some experience in that field unfortunately. Hope you find my hub useful.

A Poll for Love

How many dates do you like to go out on before going exclusive?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • djwrites profile image
      Author

      djwrites 17 months ago

      @michaelaosiecki I'm glad you found this article accurate. I'm also glad you made me realize that it's terrifying for everyone because that drives home my point that everyone is the same.

    • Michaela Osiecki profile image

      Michaela 17 months ago from USA

      As a feminist and a woman, I want to straight up say that striking up a conversation or asking out an attractive member of the opposite (or same!) sex is terrifying for EVERYBODY - even us girls. It's not like we're never afraid of being rejecting or laughed at, we totally are. It's not like we don't think certain people are out of our league or too good for us - we do!

      Aside from that, this is the most common sense and accurate article about dating I've read on Hubpages.