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Comparison Ruins Relationships

Updated on November 26, 2019
Yenaros profile image

Yenaros is an observant intellectual driven to better understand today's society in order to create peace and awareness.

Comparison Damages Genuine Love

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The major reason why people can't be in a relationship, why people are never satisfied with anymore, and why people have so many trust issues is because they do too much comparing. In today's society, everything is compared.

We naturally compare ourselves to one another because we don't want to go through something alone. We don't want to make a wrong turn. We want to see if we are living our lives right. We want to live like everyone else because they look like they're going places and we want to go with them. This mindset has its positives and negatives in the context of our society. However, this cannot be the mindset we rely on when dealing with relationships and intimacy.

Individual relationships have different philosophies and ideologies depending on the people that are in them. Every relationship is not meant to be the same. While it's okay to observe healthy relationships to determine what to do or what to do better, you can't use those relationships to grade how yours is going. You don't have to mimic a successful relationship in order to be happy with your own. The connection that you and your partner share is supposed to be grounded on what you two believe and the lifestyles that you share, not anyone else.

Examples Of Comparison

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If Chloe's boyfriend bought her a Ferrari, then cool. She now owns a Ferrari. Just because Jack bought Chloe a Ferrari doesn't mean that your partner has to do the same for you. This also doesn't mean that he values or loves you any less because he doesn't buy you a Ferrari. Everyone can't afford a Ferrari. Do you even like them? Be honest with yourself. Never in your life would "I want a Ferrari" have crossed your mind before Jack bought Chloe one. Don't compare Jack to your partner because that's not fair. You'd be holding him to a standard that he will not match because their lives differ. Don't become upset because your partner can't buy you a Ferrari. Every man and woman lives a different life, and this is where the conflict begins.

Didn't like that example? Here's another one.

Your girlfriend Kristina is not as affectionate as other girls you know or have seen. You're fine with that because you know her personality. You love her. She loves you. You're happy together and have been so for many months. Along come your friends. They all have affectionate girlfriends and then lecture you talking about how distant Kristina seems from you. Now, you're questioning your relationship because of your friends' thoughts and it leads to a conflict of interest between you and Kristina. Now, you're both on bad terms. Why? Because you compared her behavior to that of other women.

Need simpler examples? Take notes:

Simple Example #1: You date Samantha. Samantha is a beautiful and intelligent woman best suited for you. You're in love with her and everything about her. Then, you see "hotter girls". They're interested in you. You notice. You break up with Samantha, the one who loves you and would do anything for you because you mean so much to her, for the hot chick who likes you for the same reason you like her. They think you're fine. That's it. What ended that relationship? Comparing.

Simple Example #2: You date Chris. Chris works as a cashier at Burger King. You're fine with this because Chris has the personality and mannerisms in a man that you've always dreamed of. Plus, it's a job he loves. Here come your friends. They all have boyfriends who are office workers and entrepreneurs and they try to convince you that Chris is a bum. He'll never get anywhere in life, he's pathetic, you'll never be truly happy, blah blah blah. You break up with Chris because he didn't appeal to your friends.

Comparison Is Present Within the Realms of Intimacy

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There are people out there who will break up with you because your intimacy isn't "satisfying" for them. You can be the most loyal, caring, humble, and selfless human being on the planet and be heartbroken because your sex doesn't compare to other sex that your partner has had.

I don't understand how an entire relationship can be either ended or stopped from happening because the sex isn't like previous sex you've had or seen. The claims are that they don't have the body, they don't have the stamina, they don't have the moves, they don't have the awareness, they don't have the 'size' you want, they don't have the movements, they don't have the ability to make you reach your climax harder than any other person could, they're awkward in bed.

All of that just proves that people don't know true love the way they say they do. All sex is not the same. Everyone will not perform it the same way. If it's true love, then adapt. Yeah, it's easier said than done, but it's far from impossible. Adapt to their sexual patterns. That's what sex is! It's literally understanding each other's body. If it's a one-night stand or if you're simply testing the waters, then I don't understand how you have the mindset that your partner will understand you after one time. Even after the first few times. They won't understand your body immediately. It takes time.

So many people are shallow. If an entire relationship is based on learning and adapting, then what makes you think this any different? Don't compare sex and intimacy, talk to them. Don't criticize them. Let them know what feels good, what doesn't, what they like the most, what they don't like, what they liked about their experience with you, what they disliked. All of that is important.

Don't end relationships over something petty like that. Don't compare the person you like or the person you're in a relationship with to other people around the world. I know it's hard, but as long as you try, you will see how much happier you will be with that person.

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Yenaros

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 months ago from Chicago

      Too much "comparison" is simply a sign of immaturity.

      Ideally each individual has their own mate selection process and "must haves" list as well as their own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is also a sign of immaturity.

      They avoid commitment in order to {keep their options open}.

      Truth be told most of us pursue relationships during our youth before we have figured out who (we) are let alone know what it is we want or need in a mate for life.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Having a short attention span and being concerned with what others think of us are things many of us experience during our youth. Thankfully most people (evolve) over time.

      The older one becomes the less they care what others think!

      It's unrealistic to expect a 25 year old to view the world through the eyes of a 65 year old. Knowledge may be taught but wisdom usually comes with life experience. Eventually they'll get there.

      "Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; wisdom is remembering the blister. " - Leo Tolystoy

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