Dear Ex-Friend
Ex-Friend!
Dear Ex-Friend,
I guess I should tell you that the first step to us becoming friends again would be for you to respect the fact that I've stated multiple times that I no longer consider us friends.
You may think that continuing to use the term "friend" to describe me shows your sincerity. You may feel that the term adds value to your argument that our friendship never really ended. But I must tell you that it does quite the contrary.
To me, continuing to use a term that I repeatedly debate shows a lack of respect or at the very least your refusal to acknowledge my current feelings, thoughts or state of mind. I am not asking you to accept my truth for yourself, but I am requesting that you stop presenting to me the picture of the past that you have frozen in your mind & reality. To me it is a disregard of a mental boundary I have set.
Make note of the following: Even if I chose to ignore all of the occurrences of the past that lead me to my decision to discontinue our friendship, you have new circumstances that make me hesitate to re-enter into that space with you. You have a new wife who I know nothing about. How does she feel about you having women friends? And no, I would not take your word for it. I would have to get to know her, get to know her POV, and experience firsthand how she treats 'an old gal pal'. In all honesty, I don't know if I think a restart of a friendship with you merits that effort. And yes, me using the word "effort" is a direct zing relating to the exact reason we are no longer friends.
Re-friending?
Okay, now that I have gotten that out of the way, let me add this: Where there is a first step, there must be at least one subsequent step. Since I stated earlier that the first step to us possibly becoming friends again would be for you to not use the term "friend" so casually, you may ask, "Will I tell you the second step, and would there be more steps after that?". The answer is "yes and yes".
The next step in possibly jump starting a new friendship would be to first establish a business relationship. The first time around, we had a friendship that was later confused when business was introduced. This time around, I would rather go after the money first. Seal the deal in dollars, then see if there is a respectful atmosphere into which a friendship could be introduced.
Lastly, it wouldn't hurt if you provided an all expenses lunch or dinner where you bring my daughter-of-heart along to maybe have things swing in your favor.
In all honesty, I know that you alone are not at fault in what led to the end of our friendship. There are certain aspects of each of our personalities that grind against each other, yet they did not lead to refinement. It took some time to recognize these flaws, as our earlier positive interactions were seemingly flawless. But it's in the storms that you discover the strength of a foundation and what it can hold.
It is said that, "You don't know what you have until you lose it.". It is also said that you appreciate the value of something when you have to earn it. I reason now that this applies to people too. Perhaps in the beginning of me getting to know you, I was so in awe of your philosophy of unity, that it took me too long to recognize that you can also be the main disruptor of the unity you seek. Thus, I feel that any future friendship refresh would be dependent on how much you can prove you value me, but even more importantly, how much you are willing to do to earn that reconnection. But first, you must accept that in terms of a friendship with me, you have in fact actually 'lost it'.
Until then, Mr. JC -- not Jesus Christ, although you sometimes act like you think you are a god -- please just call me Marie! And at least, we do now agree that god is not that awesome, but I AM! Laugh Out Loud!!
