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Understanding Men - Decoding men and debunking some myths about them

Updated on May 16, 2011
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Understanding Men - Decoding men and debunking some myths about them

Contrary to the popular belief that men are insensitive, they don’t listen, jerk, self centered or you name it bad attitudes, they are not like that at all only if you understand where they are coming from.

Men are not from Mars afterall

Yes, I had three failed relationships so far but come to think of it I couldn’t blame them why it failed and not blaming myself too. Maybe it is not yet time or we are not really meant for each other. Sometimes you cant understand why a relationship failed in the first place and you can only fully analyze the failed relationship after awhile when you have moved on and then you promised yourself you will do better next time. Sad to say, you should pick up the lesson and moving on is a must thing to do. The question is, how can we understand our men better? We can only understand them if we know what is really happening and what are their thoughts on some important misconceptions about them.

This article is in defense of men so that we may understand them better. Oftentimes we have many misconceptions about men and it is to our best interest that we may understand them so that we may have a good loving and lasting relationship with them.


1. Myth number 1 ---- Men don’t know how to listen and communicate

My answer: Men do talk and if they like to talk, they talk a lot. You just have the right timing and approach

If you want to discuss something with a man, wait when he is not tired and is ready to talk. They are scared of the word “we need to talk”. It is not that they are scared of the women but then I think they are scared that they didn’t come up with the expectation and they screwed up on something and they need to explain to you. Yes they are afraid when you say that, because it means you are going to vent against them, and if they talk, they are scared they can be wrong or you might take the word against them, and they will have to dwell with history and their past mistakes will be brought up so sometimes they just pretend not to listen to women’s complain and unending litany. But once you changed your approach to them they are indeed a talking machine if they feel comfortable talking to you because you are not questioning or pressuring them at all.

Do men listen at all? Well it depends on your approach, sometimes men just pretend not to listen but they do listen. One time with my ex boyfriend, I was talking to him about a movie while he is watching a sports (bad timing). (Don’t ever talk to a man when they are watching sports). I told him that I want to watch a certain movie, after talking how nice the movie would be, I stop because all I thought is that he is listening, but when I ask, can we watch the movie? He turned to me with a blank look as if I came from another planet, so I just continue what I am doing. Little did I know that when the game he was watching is already finished, he went to rent the movie with my favorite chips in tow. How sweet, and a little kiss on the cheek will do the trick for them.

2. Myth number 2--- Men are unemotional, insensitive, uncaring and never romantic

My answer: Men can be sensitive, caring and romantic individual

Why are they scared of saying I love you? I say that men are the most romantic ones, only if they made up their mind and heart that you are the one for them otherwise they may still want to play the field and are not ready to commit. When men are in love and is financially ready, you don’t need to wait for them to ask you for a deeper commitment, it will just come from them. They just do it--- Nike. What about other men who have hard up saying I love you, well they show their love to you in other ways and sometimes you need to tell them first because men doesn’t want to blurt it, but they can feel it. And who said that men cannot be romantic? I have a past boyfriend who managed to write a 27 pages love letter notes for me, if that is not love I don’t know what you call it They are also romantic, most men would just love cuddling and watching television together during dates. It may be true that at times they just want to have sex, but mature men doesn’t do that, they want more quality time together in the best romantic ways. Men sometimes have a hard time buying a card that is why they are being tagged as unromantic, the truth is that they don’t know what to buy or what is the appropriate card to give, as usual they don’t want to fail you, and that is not bad, it just shows they care and is sensitive to your feelings.

3. Myth number 3 ---- Men are scared of commitment

Why are they scared of committing and getting married?

My answer: Men are not scared of commitment, they are just scared that they cant provide for you and they will become failure if they cant sustain your needs specially financially as well as emotional needs.

Men are still seen as the primary provider so if they are not yet secured financially themselves they cant commit yet. You see, men want to always "man up", protect the woman they love with money and love. If the other one is lacking they might not commit yet.

Men doesn’t want to commit at times not because they are not in love with you, but the thing is sometimes the timing is bad like they are still paying some debts, and they have no stable income etc. Sometimes they love you but they have other priorities too, like jobs, career and studying.

I hope this article contribute to the understanding of the men in our lives.

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    • profile image

      Iacobus 

      6 years ago

      Thank you for the article!!! You hit the nail right on the head.

      I especially like #1. All It takes is the right kind of person and I open up like a waterfall.

      If I could only understand women this well.

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      8 years ago from US

      ok wink, I am winking hehe, Thank you MFB, Maita

    • MFB III profile image

      MFB III 

      8 years ago from United States

      Such a positive synopsis of men, downplaying their biggest so called faults, men can be moved by the right woman to talk her ears off and her dress, they can be committed until they are wearing a strait jacket for her, and they can be romantic, all it takes is that wink and a smile, and then make them work a little for the rest...lol!!~~MFB III

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi niteriter, well it is the truth isnt it, men are loving creatures and they deserved to be understood! You are still macho but sweet YAY!

      you have a good day and thanks for dropping by!

    • Niteriter profile image

      Niteriter 

      9 years ago from Canada

      Oh, PDH, I feel so emotionally naked here! How can I maintain my macho image when you're telling the girls things like this?

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi, thanks wrenfrost56, they are valid points really and it is nice to understand men so that we will have a nice relationship with them, they own half of the wrold!

      good day to you!

    • wrenfrost56 profile image

      wrenfrost56 

      9 years ago from U.K.

      Good hub, prettydarkhorse so true and you put accross some very valid points.

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi LRobbins: thanks for reading this hub, we are on the same level with that one!

      to Manly Man: your welcome! thanks for reading this one.

    • Manly Man profile image

      Manly Man 

      9 years ago

      Thanks on behalf of all the Manly Men of Hubpages!

    • LRobbins profile image

      Laurel 

      9 years ago from Germany

      Great hub prettydarkhorse! I agree with your points and agree that once we start to understand men better we have better relationships with them.

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi dee Dee MonSherie! who would refuse you anyway, your sexy and you know how them works,,,men...yeah thats funny in the video LOL, was laughing hard when I saw that one, thanks fot reading this and have a good day!

    • Dee Dee MonSherie profile image

      Dee Dee MonSherie 

      9 years ago from Hollywood, California

      Bon Jour Pretty, I loved this Hub you had the idea like me to make a change in womens' attitudes toward men, my approach was different, but it is really evident that we both love men soo much! I loved the part in your video when he gets in the tub with her and splashes her with a wave...hee hee..see you in the forums, love you!

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi Tony! thanks for dropping by, ur welcome by the way,

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Insightful and thoughtful - thanks

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi myownworld! thanks for reading this, yes I understand them more now after failed relationship, what a hard lesson to learn, maybe next time I know better. Yes thanks for your advice about taking a rest too, your really a friend, but dont worry I have enough time to write also, just sometimes I am sleepy too!

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi Dohn! thanks for your incite as well, am not an expert though, just being observant, as always I try to understand people, all are nice and they are just misinterpreted! HMMMM< I think you can make a 27 pages love letter, I know the compassion you put into writing!

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi RUSSELL-D, thanks for reading this hub, I must trust you because you know this one already and I believe what you said, I will follow it, thanks for reading my hub,

    • Russell-D profile image

      Russell-D 

      9 years ago from Southern Ca.

      I read your story carefully. Along the way, what I've learned that works universally, because we all have a story to tell, is asking questions that require more than a one word answer. A good questioner can make friends with anyone by inviting them to express what's important to them. Then, listening carefully to the answers. Pretty quickly you'll learn to judge whether you have the basis for a relationship or a one night stand. Ask good questions. Listen carefully to the answers. That's the key to establishing a relationship. And it always works. David Russell

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      thanks Anath, i think I will ask some advice from you! oh ok I will take your answer for number three, thabnks for dropping by!

    • Anath profile image

      Anath 

      9 years ago

      Myths, myths... I think you will have more success in your next relationship because you are learning to understand men.

      You've got the perfect answer for myth number one, it is all about timing and of course letting them talk instead of interrupting them every 2 minutes. The answer to Myth number 2 is right too, I have met many of those... As for number 3, men are only scared if they have not found the right person.

      Thumbs up to a great hub!

    • prettydarkhorse profile imageAUTHOR

      prettydarkhorse 

      9 years ago from US

      hi acanderson, thanks for dropping by and reading this hub, I will wait for your hub too!

    • acanderson24 profile image

      acanderson24 

      9 years ago

      Good Article! U blamed urself...wow...I'm in "Hub-Love"...lol..I am working on a "about men" article, I hope u get the chance to read it....

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 

      9 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      I'll back up what you said, Pretty. Just don't ask me to write you a 27-page love letter (I don't you THAT WELL yet, lol). I think that it's much easier for women to charm men. They are just more attuned to their emotions than men. Great job--you sound like an expert as you obviously know your stuff. I'll be sure to come to you for advice when the time is right!

    • myownworld profile image

      myownworld 

      9 years ago from uk

      u write with such emotional insight (esp. into the psyche of men) that I cannpt believe what u say about failing at a relationship! Ah...you're just too good for them actually! great hub... and now take a rest...u'll burn out otherwise! x

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