- Gender and Relationships
emotional, physical and financial cheating rolled into one
What Constitutes Cheating - What is Cheating?
What constitutes cheating? - emotional, physical and financial cheating rolled into one
Cheating, as a word in itself has bad connotation. According to wikipedia “Cheating is an act of lying, deception, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others, Cheating implies the breaking of rules”.
Most of us must have been into a romantic relationship, and we know that being cheated on is the worst thing a partner may do to you. We want to avoid it at all cost and nobody would like to experience it. Other people would have hang ups about cheating because they have been cheated before, but people are different, we just bear in mind that it is better to trust people (that’s my point of view), but it is also good if you will discover that your partner is cheating, the earlier the better, so that there is still time to replenish the relationship, and move forward with or without the cheating partner, whatever you have decided on. Most of the times we wonder what is cheating and what does it entail. We live in a world where we can communicate with anybody at the snap of the finger. Earn money online too seating in front of the computer. Much more, cheating becomes easy. I have a friend whom her husband cheated on her and the relationship started with a missent SMS, and they started their relationship from there. A simple hi or hello can develop into a relationship specially in the internet also. In a physically and emotionally demanding world we are in right now, it is very easy to talk virtually and some would be at ease discussing their problems online. They give them relief and they don’t need to see the person. They develop emotional bonding which threaten the relationship with a partner. With the click of your mouse you are in another world. Some would even engage in pornography, online sex etc.
In this article, I will discuss cheating with regards to a partner, and I will add another category which doesn’t involve cheating with another person but cheating on your financial resources, what is called financial cheating. Cheating also entails money, because when you cheat you have to spend money also, eating out, dating etc. It entails a whole lot of spending time, resources etc.
So lets get down to the various definitions of cheating. My point of view here is that anything which is not acceptable to your partner or he/she wouldn’t approve of what you’re doing is considered cheating in a reasonable way. A case in point is that for example you are exchanging SMS with your ex girlfriend and you know that your partner will be slighted or don’t want you to do that because it is obvious that your ex gf is still infatuated at you. Would others consider that cheating? Other will say it is just exchanging a message.
So you ask what constitutes cheating then?
According to Lawrie Pawlick-Kienlen, a well known psychologist there are signs of emotional cheating:
Signs of Emotional Cheating
Emotional cheating happens when you:
Discuss your partner and relationships with your “friend.” You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy).
Meet your “friend” for dinner or lunch without telling your partner.
Keep your computer, files, and internet sites password-protected.
Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities.
Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your “friend.”
Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Emotional cheating can spring from close relationships with past lovers.
What about physical cheating:
Physical cheating would be of course involves indulging in a sexual intercourse other than your partner. It is either one night stand or regular sex partner or other woman/man. I heard a term “fuck buddy”. To some, it would just be plain sex, nothing at all.
What about financial cheating?
Financial infidelity is cheating in terms of money matter. Sometimes we may found out that our partner have bought major item and they didn’t consult us. Some women spend so much money on shoes bags etc., some men would complain, it is too much money spend on such items. Or some men has stashed away cash and they partner don’t know it, or perhaps one has another back account and the other partner don’t know it. Communication is important here, because we grew up in different environment and values with our partner, we have different spending patterns. Your partner might say, since I am the major earner in this family I will have the say in money matters etc. I heard one of my friends before say that she will ask permission from her husband to buy clothes etc when they are watching television specially sports so they partner would not understand at all and when the bills come, they will argue.
Sometimes if there is emotional cheating, there is also physical cheating. What I would consider emotional cheating is talking and discussing your problem with the opposite sex instead of discussing it with your partner, and it is taking away your time with your partner. Sometimes you become so involved that you would like to see that person and you want to have time with them, This could develop into physical cheating as well. Mostly women will indulge in emotional cheating they say while most men will be involved in physical cheating.
More women are more susceptible for emotional cheating because they rather pursue more serious relationship, but it doesn’t mean to say men don’t do that.
Whether it is emotional or physical cheating or financial cheating, it is cheating alright. Once you enter into a relationship, it is better if you are honest with your partner. Develop a way of communicating what’s in your mind and be able to talk about it with your partner, so that your problem will not become worst. Still others would also agree that sometimes it is better not to talk about things because they just worsen it. Of course we need to know the moods and when is the best time to talk to our partner since people are not the same, there are those who are silent and those who love to talk etc. It is our own choice because we are the one who knows our partner well. One thing is important, we should respect our partner, once it is lost, there is none left. If you know that your partner will be hurt or will not agree on what you are doing then you must stop what you are doing, whether you are cheating emotionally, financially, or physically. Well folks, as they say we have kharma, “what goes around, comes around”.