ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Knowing the difference between falling in love and real love is the secret.

Updated on May 14, 2016

One of the most common confusions among people is that of falling in love and real love. This confusion has resulted and is still resulting in many broken hearts and tragedies. The first thing that pops up in the person falling in love is “Oh, I’m really in love with him” or “I’m really in love with her”. Enchanted with the experience, they fail to notice two important things. The first is that falling in love is sexually motivated. The second is that this experience is always temporary. Regardless of whom we fall in love with them, we will fall out of love sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time. This doesn’t mean that we would stop loving them. But that state of bless we experience at the beginning will soon fade away.

1. Falling in love:

When we fall in love, we think that the person we love is perfect and we see ourselves and them as one. We don’t see ourselves separate from them. We think our joys are theirs and our problems are their own and vice versa. We become ready to do anything in our power to make them happy, because seeing them smiling brings us joy and happiness. We become creative in the art of love by doing unexpected actions to make them feel satisfied and happy.

When we are under the spell of falling in love, we think that everything is possible and that we can overcome any difficulties as long as our partners are by our side.

Though there may be big differences between us and our loved ones, we fail to see them. We completely accept them as they are and we say yes to anything they want. We are blinded by the magic of the stage of falling in love.

When we fall in love, we think the experience will last forever. Doctor peck Scott says in his book “the road less travelled”, “the experience of falling in love probably must have as one of its characteristics the illusion that the experience will last forever. This illusion is fostered in our culture by the commonly held myth of romantic love, which has its origins in our favorite childhood fairy tales, wherein the prince and princess, once united, live happily ever after.”

Scott peck continues in his book to explain that this myth convinces us that for every person on the earth, there is another person who is meant for him or her and it’s just a matter of time and they will meet.

However, Sooner or later, the experience of falling in love passes and the honeymoon ends. Only then, the couple would be able to see that they are not one and they are two different individuals. Each has their own private life and their own dreams, preferences and attitudes. They realize that they are not a perfect match as they thought. They may come to the conclusion that they have made a mistake by getting together.

2. Real love:

When the irrational phase of falling in love passes, the emotions become less intense, things become normal and the motivation fades. The couple either decide to deepen the relationship or break up.

If they opt for the first choice, they embark on the experience of real love which is based on reason and commitment. They agree to love each other and they work to make their relationship succeed and continue. They decide to live with each other and help each other to grow. To do this, they accept one another as two different individuals and everyone seeks to understand the other by being open, honest and tolerant.

Unlike the experience of falling in love in which the couple depend on each other, in real love, you are able to live without your partner, but you want to stay in the relationship as Doctor Scott Peck says “"Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other".

Real love is driven by both reason and emotion. Love doesn’t bring you happiness since happiness is elusive and fluctuating. It brings you growth instead. When you approach love with the purpose of growing and contributing to the growth of your partner, there is a great chance your relationship would be healthy and successful.

In real love, you love yourself before expecting your partner to love you. The biggest mistake most people make is expecting their partners to make them experience love. In fact, no one can make you feel love if you don’t produce it within yourself and even if it happens it will soon disappear. Doctor Peck Scott says “"We are incapable of loving another unless we love ourselves, just as we are incapable of teaching our children self-discipline unless we ourselves are self-disciplined".

Falling in love might be easy as it is not a conscious act. It’s out of your control. However, loving a person is a process of continuous effort. When you love a person, you commit yourself to helping him/her to grow and feel happy. Loving a person doesn’t mean responding to your fleeting emotions and moods. Rather, it demands patience, honesty, and some hard work.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Said Bouslama profile imageAUTHOR

      Said Bouslama 

      2 years ago

      Thank you Mr. Youssef

    • profile image

      Youssef 

      2 years ago

      Well said Mr. Bouslama. Great work.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)