What do You Think Happens More Often than Not when a Couple has a Big Argument?

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   threekeysposted 8 years ago

   What do You Think Happens More Often than Not when a Couple has a Big Argument?
   
   Do you think after it they  laugh about how silly the fight was? Or do you think they would say "I need time to cool down. I need to go out"? Or do you think they are quick to apologize and makeup?
   
   

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   Cissy1946posted 8 years ago

   I think it depends on the couple and the subject of the argument. Sometimes the subject matter is one that is never really resolved so the argument keeps working its way to the surface. If it's one of those subjects then it doesn't matter whether they laughed about it, took a cooling down period, or just apologized and made-up, the argument wasn't resolved so there really wasn't a solution. I don't know what it's like for a young couple but for my husband and me (I was married at 46 and he was 48) a subject that popped up more than once got put in a special category of "no win". Whenever one of these subjects was about to come up one or the other of us would remind the other that it was a "no win" argument and the argument part would go away and we would just talk about why the subject was in the forefront again. These subjects were usually family related. Once you've married someone you have instantly acquired a whole family you have no history with so there are bound to be friction points and, in my opinion, it's foolish to think you're going to change 20 to 50 years of history in a heartbeat. This might sound a bit simplistic and probably doesn't work for younger people but one thing I had learned by 46 was that most of the arguments I had over my lifetime weren't worth the time and effort they took and they certainly weren't worth the ill will they created.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      What a great emotional saver and soother for both of you to agree "not to go there" in a sense by claiming "that sore" as a realized "no win-no go zone".

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   It really depends on the individuals and what the argument was about.
   Some people are really great at recognizing they lost their temper over something that really had nothing to do with their mate.
   It may have been due to something that happened at work or whatever and they ending up taking it out on their spouse over the slightest of things. These types of people usually don't have a problem apologizing soon after.
   I suspect it's very rare that a couple "laughs" about a fight within the immediate future. Maybe several months or years later they might find themselves retelling the story to friends and laughing about it then.
   People oftentimes talk about how great "makeup sex" is after a fight. However I'm one of those people who if angered sex is the last thing on my mind. This is especially true if there were some hurtful things expressed.
   Anger is the Mask that Hurt wears....
   I suspect after most fights there is a cooling off period where couples kind of keep their distance from each other within the house. Eventually someone "breaks the ice" by talking about something unrelated.
   In other instances friends/family drop by or children enter into the room.
   Essentially that fight is now dead and they just move on without talking about it again. They may harbor some resentment but it eventually fades. Nevertheless neither party "forgets" the hurtful things that were said. The more frequent the arguments occur someone is likely to reach the conclusion they're simply incompatible and look to walk out. Unless you talk it out you never know what the other person is contemplating.
   Communication is the GPS for relationships.
   It lets you know if you're "growing together" or "growing apart".
   "Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart." - C.S. Lewis

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      Cissy1946posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      My husband and I would laugh at ourselves a lot. Usually because we did really stupid things when pissed off, like getting an arm stuck in a car window at a toll booth. By the time we stopped laughing we had forgotten why we argued.

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      threekeysposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      As you said the GPS is communication. Different situations arise and how you handle them depends. But what I like is for my partner and I is to work with the idea of arguing above the belt. Words do hurt and so does silence.

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