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Funny Facts About Men

Updated on July 15, 2014

Bla Bla Bla Bla!

The average women speak 7,000 words per day. The average man on the other hand only manages 2,000

One of the most common and funny facts about men, in my humble opinion , is they never grow up! They are stuck in a perpetual state of adolescence and they resist any hint of maturity creeping in on their lives.

This reluctance has it's benefits and one or two downsides but the biggest, and somewhat enjoyable, bonus is that it drives women crazy! The vast majority of women do not understand why fart jokes are funny or why her man finds sexual innuendos so hilarious. Simple fact is, they are ball-bouncing-ly funny!

Speaking from a male's point of view, I am a man, there is no way to really pinpoint the comic value of a well timed fart. Priceless!


Silly Boys!

  • men are incapable of keeping a secret a women told them.
  • all men intend to change, they want to change but they do not possess the willpower or forward thinking to go through with it. They find it easier to watch a movie or go to the pub than allow time for personal growth.
  • never take anything a man says seriously, when you are naked. All the blood has left his brain and is incapable of making an informed decision.
  • the average man spends over 1 hour per week looking for TV remote
  • when a man says "yes, I will take out the garbage" he does not mean he will do it within the next two hours. The next day is more likely.
  • the average women prefers 35 minutes of foreplay.
    the average man prefers 30-40 seconds of foreplay. The drive back to her place is considered part of this foreplay.
  • men have no issues wearing the same underwear or socks for more than 2 days.

Does your boyfriend/husband still urinate on the toilet seat?

See results

Toilet Manners

We all know the battle men have with the toilet. It is a fact; men can not pee straight! We also do not understand why we have to put the seat down.

The logic behind men's thinking on the subject is this. Why do men have to put the seat down but women do NOT have to put the seat up?

Many brave men have tried to have a sensible and controlled discussion about this but to no avail. As far as the urinating on the toilet seat issue there is no victory in sight - men are as surprised as anyone when it happens. We can not control our pee. Sometimes it just shoots out in a strange direction. A natural thing which we have to take the blame for.

On a side note ; if the toilet smells fresh after a man has been for a No.1 then he probably used your cleaning products to wipe his urine from your toilet seat. Sorry!


Food Shop

As opposed to a women, who would write a comprehensive list of what was needed for the whole week, a man will of course not follow this trail of thought.

A man will wait until there is nothing left in the refrigerator other than an egg (age unknown so not going to be eaten) and jar of cranberry jelly. He will then proceed to the supermarket where he will aimlessly buy anything which looks nice - mostly meat - and not give a moments thought about what combinations of food and which day they will be eaten. Expiration dates... who knows.

A man's go to area in the supermarket is the frozen food section, mainly frozen pizzas. This is where a large chunk of a bachelors diet comes from. Nutritious, healthy and full of fiber - or so they would like to believe. Men are by the very nature lazy when it comes to food. Perhaps it is only a recent development but funnily enough most men rely on their women to take care of the food side... Preferably while the man plays through a very important mission on his Xbox One game!


Computer Games

Another funny aspect of men's amazing ability to irritate women is the new generation of computer gamers! When the new Grand Theft Auto comes out there are actual Facebook groups appearing of abandoned women who know they are not able to communicate with their man for at least two weeks.

The next time you see a young child running around in a field or playing pretend war with his friends then you understand why computer games are so addictive for men. Let me elaborate;

When a grown man plays a war game he is immediately thrown back in time and is just as engrossed in the computer game as he was when he was killing imaginary dragons at the age of 7. That is why you see grown men literally in a state of complete hypnosis because in his head he is INSIDE the game, he is living his imaginary world, just as he imagined a real life war would be like when he was a child. May seem funny or pointless to some but it is true.


Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

- They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.

What did God say after creating man?

- I can do better.

Maturity and Relationships

Once again women excel in the taking responsibility and maturing at a reasonable level. An 18 year old women can function as a normal adult whereas a man at this point in his life still does not know how to change the hoover bag.

Men are pampered and cared for by their mothers to the extreme in most cases which leads the man to the frozen food section in the supermarket because he does not know how to boil an egg!

So you can imagine a man's attitude towards relationships and maturity. Until a man hits 25 he thinks a sign of maturity is having one less drink so he can afford a taxi home after the club. Then in the morning ,once his hangover clears up, he will most likely take his laundry home to his mother or girlfriend because his washing machine is "broken"

In terms of relationships men have no idea. This is not defending the male race but on a general level men just do not understand. A women can be upset because the man did not have the foresight to buy more washing up liquid or because he forgot to wipe his feet at the door. We do not do it on purpose, it simply does not register. Watching a man trying to console the lady in his life is funny because you know he can not fully understand why she is so upset that her hair got wet on the way to the restaurant. An argument usually ensues his lack of understanding.

Watching Childish TV Shows!

Last but not least - the TV! Oh the amount of arguments that arise because of this wonderful box of ultimate entertainment is incredible.

The average man spends 33 hours ++ per week watching TV. Weather or not this is during the football season is unknown. Once again the tide is against men because we always choose to watch the silly programs and the rudest such as ;

Family Guy
Two and a Half Men

The female side do not always understand why we find sexist and inappropriate jokes so funny - men probably do not know either - but the perpetual adolescence continuous as the man's brain is bombarded with meaningless fluff produced by the Hollywood machines.

Men love it. Women hate it - until there is a romantic comedy with a super sexy actor in which case; Men hate it. Women love it.

Men Don't Care What Is On TV, They Only Care What Else Is On TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

In The End...

Men will never grow up. Sure there are the select few which are sensible and mature but for the vast majority they always remain in a state of childish pursuits and silly dreams.

The lingering fact which is incredibly funny is that women will always find these childish yet charming qualities men have ultimately lovable, right??


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    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      Thanks for the comments folks! Appreciated!

    • LailaK profile image


      4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Hilarious! I can totally relate being the only girl of all boys. Enjoyable read! Voted up :)

    • Hezekiah profile image


      4 years ago from Japan

      In Japan, many women make their husbands sit on the toilet seat even when taking a pee to avoid any spraying. You have to just face your tool downwards.

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      Will Ferrell is the inner "man" of all men. We wish we could say to a woman;

      "I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... hiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it."

      We either do not dare to say it, or we know we will probably be sued. Will Ferrell goes where no man dares to go. He is our secret hero. We all want to be him we just do not dare to say so.... kinda hard to explain really. lol!

    • Sami Hanson profile image


      4 years ago from Kansas

      You know what I appreciate about this article the most? The fact that you point out where men fall short, and also the fact that it is basically an ode to women. Even though I'm a woman though, I fail at cooking, and am just as lazy. I love frozen food because of the sheer simplicity: unwrap, zap, done. I also love Family Guy, but I still have not even begun to understand guys' obsession with Anchorman or anything Will Ferrell.

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      I still get the eye-roll from my girlfriend whenever I turn my computer on. She does not understand that these monsters do not die by themselves. I must complete my missions! lol!

    • profile image

      Alison Meehan 

      4 years ago

      This is funny and makes me realize how lucky I am because some of the more aggravating of these don't apply to my husband, at least not anymore. I had to teach him how to cook but he still doesn't "know" how to clean the toilet. I pretty much hate TV and video games so we hardly ever do any of that. We read a lot instead, and often the same books. And yet, I still find lots of things I wish I could change about him - table manners, tidiness, communication.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Carrie Lee Night 

      4 years ago from Northeast United States

      Funny :) I watch raunchy toons like Family Guy and I' m right there laughing just as hard as my hubby. I don't bother with the toilet seat thing because it doesn't really bother me. I'm a kid at heart just like him :). All women are not the same :). Love this lighthearted hub. Have a great weekend.

    • profile image

      Pastor Wolfe 

      4 years ago

      LOL I have to admit as myself being a male you have nailed it!

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      If only there were more women like you! lol!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      For the whole toilet bowl thing, I always put the whole lid down after I'm done using it. So there! That isn't so hard, right? Haha.

      This is really funny too though.

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      The word my girlfriend keep using is "compromise". I am not quite sure what this word means. lol!

      I believe it is the never ending battle of the sexes. All we can do is try to keep working at it. Perhaps in a few millennium our DNA will alter and we can all live in peace.

    • watergeek profile image


      4 years ago from Pasadena CA

      Aah well. So if I don't marry because I don't want to be a man's mother, does that mean I won't ever marry?

    • amiebutchko profile image

      Amie Butchko 

      4 years ago from Warwick, NY

      Very funny and many points of truth that made me chuckle. Love the nature of men!

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      Yeah you pretty much nailed it! haha!

    • mathira profile image


      4 years ago from chennai

      A man is always incapable of looking after himself. Though he pretends to be strong, inwards he is like a lost boy waiting for the comfort his wife\mother can give him. Very interesting hub!

    • Philip Borrowman profile imageAUTHOR

      Philip Borrowman 

      4 years ago from Aviemore

      My parents have been married 40 years now and my dad still forgets to wipe his feet when he comes in from garden. Every day! lol!

      Appreciate the comment! Thank you!

    • Treasuresofheaven profile image

      Sima Ballinger 

      4 years ago from Michigan

      Very enjoyable read. You are an excellent writer. You made your point about the status of men and basically they will never change. My husband is much like what you have mentioned, although he is mature in the most needed ways of life. Voted Up and Funny!


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